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MedHelp Member's Question

oxycontin and other opiates HELP!

by Ken, Aug 21, 2000 12:00AM
Tags: Addiction
I have been taking opiates for over two years now. I cant seem to stay clean! I have tried several times to get off of them to no avail.I have no insurance so inpatient is not an opption. I go to na and aa meetings but most of the time I lie and say how good I am doing. I am doing good at staying off of the crack cocaine but I have subsutited it with the opiates.Now I want to come clean and tell them what I've been doing, but I dont want to feel like a fool for lying to them all these months.I am tired of chasing pills to keep myself functioning. I have been taking everything from oxycondin to tylenol 3-4 to vicodin to lortab, or whatever I can get my hands on.I am tired.I want to stop but the withdrawels are hard. I make it past the initial detoxing but then I have no enegery to go on with everyday living. What can I take or do to function like a normal person.I need help! Please anyone with any input would be greatly appreciated. thank you KEN
Member Comments (53)

by Dr. Bob, Aug 21, 2000 12:00AM
The physical part is the easy part. The psychological part is the most difficult. I don't know what area you are in, but in many cities there are a few state run inpatient programs for people with no insurance. If you detox, don't blow it again! You will just have to go through it again the next time. I went to a treament facility which specializes in treating physicians, But later relapsed. When I did get sober (after treatment), I did it cold turkey and got a sponser (AA) and went to alot of meetings. I would highly recommend however, that you try to find an inpatient facility. It will increase your odds of staying sober, and help you understand the disease of addiction.

by tom to Ken, Aug 21, 2000 12:00AM
are you taking opiates for any pain condition or just as a sub for cocaine? if the latter:



look at the good side first: Cocaine is the deadliest, most addictive and most physiologically and psychologically destructive drug in the history of the world. Be so, so glad you're not on that. Opiates addict and addiction tends to result in poor nutrucian and not enough sleep, etc., but when you finally do quit for good, your brain won't be destroyed. Believe it or not, that's progress. Just don't go back. If you want convincing, go to some CA meetings and look at the damage. Beyond belief. On second thought, don't go, because someone will try to sell you coke right outside the door.



It's harder when you're broke with no insurance but you can do it. You need to get an experienced sponsor in an AA or NA meeting (don't be afraid to go to AA, it's all the same in the end). Ask for a sponsor right away and DO WHAT HE SAYS. Money helps initially with detox, but money can't buy recovery. It's the same work whether you have money or not. In some ways, having money makes it worse.



Why don't you come clean in a meeting? What have you got to lose? You don't go there for their approval anyway. You're there to help yourself. **** them if they don't like what you have to say. If you want, go to new meetings in new places in order to get a clean start. Anyway, lying about sobriety is done all the time. And fessing up to the group is also done all the time. Don't you realize that most of them have done the same thing? Addiction is all about lying -- you already know that. Actually, you'll be surprised and somewhat overwhelmed by the acceptance you will get if you fess up. They probably already know you're lying! Get honest. If they don't like it, go to new meetings. But you have to get a sponsor. Good luck.

by Ken , day two, Aug 22, 2000 12:00AM
I cant do this .I feel like ****. I dont know how long I can hold on. My ex- wife is on me about school clothes . I need to go to work.I'm gonna try to work without pills.Or rather on different pills . I do have some Ultram. I guess I am weak.

by Joe, Aug 22, 2000 12:00AM
quitting pills is the hardest thing i've ever tried to do. I got injured on the job and 1 yr. later i'm hooked on opiates!! i' don't have insurance either, and I already blew my chance for a state funded detox...twice!! My desire to quit is truly real, but the withdrawal is TOO damn much!! I found some relief from smoking pot during withdrawals, but to no avail. I wish I knew how long they(withdrawals) last, but I can't make it more than 3 days!! I feel suicidal to extremes, and I have severe mood swings. I have only slept about 4 hours in 3 days, and I have no energy at all...I have been in AA for two years, and have stayed sober uuntil recently. I would rather put up with the extreme pain I'm in all day every daay, then have to "chase" pills annnd put my family through the hell I am. I hope I can eventually beat this disease and get back with my life.....or I'm afraid of what will happen to me.;l

by Ken , day two, Aug 22, 2000 12:00AM
Hi Joe , I know how you feel. Nothing is so bad that you have to kill yourself over it.But I can empathize with you .Its so hard! I feel so weak when I go back to using after just one or two days.But I have so much going on that I need to take care of,I just cant take the 1 or 2 weeks off to detox. I know it is gonna kill me if I dont do something soon. But I continue to use.If only it was easier we would all be clean.I couldnt even get through today again.I had to use to get a job done so I can get my kids some school clothes.And I have so many other good reasons to not quit just yet.But I am going to have to soon or I will lose my girlfriend.She is on the edge of leavin me, I can feel it. And she is all I have left .Isn't it funny how many excuses we can make to continue to use.And the one good reason to quit just isnt good enough.Damn I feel like killin myself now (just kiddin). But I hope you can be stronger than i have been.I will check back later to se if you or anyone else responds or feels as we do.good luck, KEN

by Kimberly to Bob K, Aug 23, 2000 12:00AM
Quitting is very hard, I have been struggling for 2 months.  I have been through the ups and downs with it, I keep relapsing, but every relapse I get a grip on it a little quicker.  I first went 2 days without, then used for 10, then I went 4 days without and used for 5 and so on.  Now I go 3 weeks and use for 2 or 3 days.  Everytime I relapse I realize why I quit, and I realize my life is getting better without the drugs.  I had a 20-30 Norco a day habit (10mg Hydrocodone, 325 Tylenol) or any opiod I could get my hands on.  The depression and anxiety is what gets me to relapse, the first 2 weeks are aweful, but it gets better.  I understand the fear of physical withdraw, and it sucks, but it does get better and it is short lived.  I don't know if this is good advice, but I would take a pill now and then during the physical part, just to get a break from the agony and it gave me the stregnth to go on.  My only reason for quitting when I started was I couldn't supply my habbit, now I have found so many more reasons.  My doctor would not give me any tranquilizers, because he said that would just be another addiction, but he did give me Wellbutrin, and it helped a lot with anxiety.  I also have gone through trying to get drugs from Mexican Pharmacy's during this quitting period, but even that need is starting to go away.  I guess for me it is a slow process, but there is finally a light at the end of the tunnell, I am starting to find things interesting again without drugs, that adds to the detox depression is nothing is interesting without the drugs, I never thought I would get it back.  I will pray for you, and please pray for me, we need all the help we can get, but hang in there, your suffering is worth it and it wont last forever, even though it feels like it will.  Also, I was a crack addict, and I got over that and feel no need for it, and I suspect this will be the same in a few years.  If you would like to email me - ***@****

by Ken , day two, Aug 23, 2000 12:00AM
Kimberly, Thank you for your concern. It is very hard for me. I have not really had enough time clean to experience what its like. Two years straight I’ve been using. I want to talk more to you but in a different forum, maybe I will e-mail you. Thanks, Ken

by Angie to Ken, Aug 23, 2000 12:00AM
Your posting could have easily been written by me. I am glad you are finding things that interest you while you are straight.That was the hardest thing for me. I was interested in anything and everything while under the influence. So I found it extremely difficult to get into things that used to be of interest. I would always compare it to the "other times" thinking "this could be so much better if only" I believe that alone will help you maintain your sobriety. I, too, would go for a few weeks at a time without and then resume taking the vicodin when the opportunity presented itself. The problem with me doing that was it would restart my obsessive thinking about how to obtain more. All that wasted time and energy. So this is my second go round with staying clean. It has been since March and there are still days when I want some so bad. I want to stop wanting them! I met a girl through outpatient detox who said she gave up heroin years ago but the pills have more of a hold on her. She doubted her ability to be able to stay off of them. That kinda of scared me. You wrote something about trying to obtain narcs from mexico. What's that all about? I'm only asking out of curiosity I would be too scared to try it. Good luck on your sobriety.

by Ken , day two, Aug 24, 2000 12:00AM
I cant stand myself anymore. I continue to use . I use, to be able to work ,so I could buy school clothes for my kids. But all I can think about is, getting more drugs. Now I am gonna need them to be able to take the kids shopping.Then I will find another reason. I cant stand this ****. Why cant I just say enough is enough? I feel so controled.Am I the only one who has such a hard time with quitting ? I know I'm not, but i guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Its time to **** or get off the pot.(or pills) Someone please write back so I dont feel so alone.Thanks  KEN

by simone, Aug 24, 2000 12:00AM
I am so grateful to have found this forum.  Ken, not too long ago I was in the same boat as you are.   Believe me, I know how you feel and my heart goes out to you and everyone who comes here for answers.  I have only recently (finally) gotten clean after several thousand attempts.  It is SO hard.  All of it, physical, mental, and emotional.  But you sound to me as if this is something you really want to do.  But it is also sounding to me as if you are looking for someone to tell you that yes, its hard, but your feelings are justified because life is too hard without drugs.  I thought that too for a very long time.  It just aint true!  Life is much more, lets say, CHALLENGING, without the crutch of drugs to numb all feelings.  Don't kid yourself and don't make excuses to use.  The best way to get off this evil **** is to get professional help.  I believe this is the only way.  I've tried to "ween" off  the stuff a million times.  It doesn't work, at least not for me.  It sounds like that doesn't work for you either.  Do not consider it a weakness to seek help.  Consider it a strength.  A weak person is one who wont seek help or use valuable resources available to them.  Ken, you sound like you want it so badly.  Just do it! If I can do it anyone can.   Because if this drug takes your life away from you, you wont have to worry about buying any school clothes for your kids cuz they wont have a dad.  I know about this, too.  I am clean and sober and watching everyone around me die because of drugs.  You can do it!!  I am praying for you and everyone at this message board.  Peace.



by From Aunt Lindy to Mariah, Aug 24, 2000 12:00AM
I know how you feel.  It is very difficult.  You plan your life around those pills.  You plan vacations, day trips, "shopping for kids clothes" everything.  The problem is, is that the pills help you feel so much better.  I take mine for FIBROMYALGIA.  These pills work for me like insulin does for the diabetic.  Like pills someone takes for depression these pills work for me, like the insulin and the antidepressants.  I am not high from these pills I just have quality of life! My kids have their mom. My husband has his wife.  It is what keeps me going.  I know just where you are coming from.

by Al to Michael, Aug 24, 2000 12:00AM
I have been reading posts mentioning oxycontin

taking your life. Is it toxic to your body? If

you take 80mg day, will it kill you?

by Angie to Ken, Aug 24, 2000 12:00AM
There's alot going on in your mind. You have to learn to seperate some of these issues. Why are you taking pills in the first place? Is it for a legitimate reason or should I say WAS it for real pain and then it turned into something more recreational? I can so totally relate. While taking those wonderful pills I could accomplish so much. I could go all day at work, come home and make dinner, clean house and throw some wash in too. All of this stuff was actually enjoyable as long as I had pills. I always had them lined up for any social event and yes, even shopping for school. You obviously want to stop but what's the reason YOU want to stop? You are going to feel real bad physically for several days depending on how much you've taken. After that comes the hardest part-- the mental anguish!!! You really have to learn how to live all over again without the helpers. You will crave and probably think obsessively about the pills. I don't know if this is your first time but you need help. You can't succeed by trying to white knuckle it all by yourself. We all have alot of the same thoughts and you need to express those thougts to others in other words you need to vent. You will need the support of others. I have been recovering since March and it hasn't been fun ride.  But I am FREE!!!!!! I don't have to schedule my life around the refills and drs. appts. That alone is worth it. My family is thrilled to have the "real me" back. I thought I was a better wife, mother, daughter and friend because of the way I felt after taking the pills. Everything seemed to be so WONDERFUL. I remember thinking what's so bad about taking something that makes me feel so great. Someone pointed out that although I was numbed from some unpleasantries I was also not experiencing real joy. Yes, life without pills can be done but its a lot of hard work. I won't even get into the amount I was taking but if I can do it so can you!!!!!!  Please take the necessary steps towards living a clean life, your family deserves it.

by Dee, Aug 25, 2000 12:00AM
I read and read these post's and know I have to start somewhere trying to stop this merry-go-round...but I don't have the strength or the energy to try...on the days that I mess up with my script and have to withdraw is terrible...I understand so well the feeling of having no pleasure in anything without the pills...how long does it take to get any back...I know the physical part takes about a week...but..how long before you start to feel good mentally...I have so much stress in my life as I know I'm not the only one who does....when I don't have pills I don't even want to talk to my kids...thank god they are older..if I had little ones it would be horrible not to be able to cope with them..even now..I'm starting to get a little down because I know that I have to cut down on my pills from 9-10 oxy's a day to 3 a day so I don't run out completely untill the next script..and the next one is not for another 10 days, every month I say I'm not going to do this, I have enough for 6-7 a day to last the whole month, every dam month I say I'm not going over what I nee