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MedHelp Member's Question

why me?

by Ken , day two, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Tags: Addiction
Why is this do damn hard? Its only the second day and I wanna use.I finally went to see a DOCTOR,and he wasnt very sympathic to say the least.He gave me a shot ,10 xanax and sent me on my way.Hes been our family doctor for over 30 years.I hoped he would understand.But he chewed me a new ******* and said to get into rehab. All I asked for was some catapres or clonidine, to help me get through these next couple days.I am trying very hard not to pick up! I'm home all alone and there is nothing to stop me.God help me.Ken
Member Comments (41)

by Al to Michael, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Why not go to rehab? If its because you don't have insurance, there are quite a few places that are state paid. That what i'm doing. I go for an evaluation tomorrow. I;m not wanting to but it will be better than doing it alone.

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Hang in there man! Whatever you do. DO NOT USE today. Tell yourself that you can get through today without them. I usually tell myself that if I get through today then I will use tommorow. Then when tommorow comes...Do the same thing. Let me tell you something. I haven't used anything in like 17 days. I woke up this morning with the strongest urge I have ever had. I don't know when the desire to stop using will go away. I wish I could tell you it will get better. The physicial stuff lasted for about five days for me but everyone is different. The hard part is not using once the **** is out of your system. Try to remember why you wanted to stop in the first place. Maybe, that will help. Good luck, but I think you will be able to do it. How long are we going to let this **** control us? We ARE men, aren't we?    Chad

by Ken , day two, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Thanks guys, I’m so glad to get a response from you. I am having a hard time not making that phone call or trip to the dealers' house. I do have a vicodin on hand incase it gets to bad. But I don’t want to have to use it. So please try to keep me busy here. I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow; then court on Friday. So if I don’t make it through the weekend, then I go inpatient. I did take a Xanax to help me relax .But it don’t stop the crave, and I don’t mean for White Castles. So I will keep checking back in for any replies. Thanks again for being there, Ken

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Listen, I am going through the same thing. I am trying my hardest but it is very tough. I wish there was something I could say to help. I bet that your every thought is consumed by this ****. Wouldn't it be nice to go through life not having to think about drugs every five minutes? I know that personally, there is good days and bad. For the most part, it seems that sitting around makes things worse. Just get through today and you WILL feel better tomorrow. To hell with the dealer! Aren't you sick of having to chase this ****? I bet you are so fed up you could just scream. It's only up to you....chad

by Ronnieg to Ken, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Ken,



Go see a new doctor tomorrow. Your family doctor is a jerk. 9 out of 10 doctors will give you the meds to ease the withdrawl symptoms.

Honestly I am telling you the truth.

He should have helped you and he sent you out the door.

Hang in there buddy.

by Ken , day two, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
I am hurtin right now, but I have to keep writing. I keep telling myself as long as the replies keep coming in I wont make that call.It keeps me motivated and I'm very thankful to you all. I know thats not fair to you but it works for me for the time being.When they do stop I will just have to find another reason.I cant stand this feeling though. It feels like little electrical tremors keep running thru my body.And I am just about to run out of T.P. ha ha. But i got the immodian and I'm gonna take another Xanax soon to stop the damn legs from dancin,( doin the codine kick) and my mind from gettin that stinkin thinkin.So I will be here as long as I can stay upright,and I'll check back soon.By the way thanks ronnieg, I have read other posts from you on other forums.(frIckin legs!)

by CHAD FROM PHILLY!!!, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
I know EXCATLY how you feel! Hang the hell in there! You will make it if you keep trying. I took so many xanax to help me through the stage you are dealing with. It helped me. I'll tell you what, the ONLY thing that helped me, was reading this bord! If you want I could e-mail you, let me know. How much and what were you using? I don't know as much as people like TOM but I might be able to help as far as support. Hopefully, he will get on, cause he knows his ****. Talk soon, chad

by Ken , day two, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Chad, I've done it all.  I started out taking vicodin about two years ago. They were prescribed to me for an operation on my wrist And I liked the way they made me feel,not to mention how I could perform in bed. I was newly single and f-ckin everything in sight. Plus I could do twice as much work as I used to.So when the doc finally cut me off after 7 mos. it sucked, to say the least.So I found other docs. plus I'd get them from other people.They were my superman pills.Then I found a little thing called oxycontin.WOO HOO! I could take one and it would last me all day long.Then two ,and so on.So after about two years of that **** I was pretty well hooked.Now,I need two oxy or 4 lortab just to get out of bed.Then,I can force myself to go to work.But I have cut down considerably, from 5 or 6 oxy a day to two or4 lortab.Now its none. And I feel like ****.So,I'm hopin this will go away soon. Cause yes I am tired of chasing these damn pills around.

by Ken , day two, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Sure chad,I dont mind if you e-mail me or IM me, at ***@**** or my alter ego is ***@****

by Ronnieg to Ken, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Ken,



Have you been to the other site I have mentioned. Those folks will help you day and night..no bs..



Just highlight this site I am about to give you and copy it to your browser.



http://neuro-mancer.mgh.harvard.edu/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=2&SUBMIT=Go



or maybe if I have typed this correctly below..just click on the link



http://neuro-mancer.mgh.harvard.edu/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=2&SUBMIT=Go



Hang in there Ken!



Ronnieg

by Ronnieg to Ken, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Ken,

When you click on the site...it will ask you to specify a forum to go to..just scroll down to addiction and you are there!

by Ronnieg to Ken, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
or try this

oxycontin&oq=&url=http%3A//www.medhelp.org/forums/addiction/messages/30123a.html&ti=Oxycontin+Withdrawal+Symptoms+-+Can+anyone+help+or+recommend...&top=">

by Ronnieg to Ken, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
Ken,

I messed it up the second time. Just go back two messages and click on the link and it will ask you to choose a forum..find addiction and you will get all the help you need.

Hang in there.



Ronnieg

by Angie to Ken, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
I'm really hurting for you as you go through the intense withdrawls. All you want is for time to go by FAST so you can put your time in and start feeling human again. I especially hate those leg kicks. I think I loosened the arm on my couch from getting so aggravated that I kicked the hell out of it. What a great memory, right? Did you say that you have done this so many times before? Although I've only gone through one very intense withdrawl in March I know that temptation could very easily lead me back. When you think about the pain your going through now, why would we ever choose to go through it again. Well on a lighter note..I had to respond to your post cause I laughed right out loud when I read your alter ego e-mail address. I can't tell you the last time I justlaughed aloud by myself. So thank you for that. You really need to close the doors to your sources. If you get scripts, notify your drs. If you have dealers you have to sever the tie. Let your friends in and help support you. Please hang in there and keep us posted!! We are all pulling for you.

by Brian to Sick and Scared § ALL you guys, Aug 30, 2000 12:00AM
I know exactly what you are going through having been there at least 15 or more times. The best thing to know is YOU WILL FEEL BETTER.  People who have never been through this hell can't understand.  You feel like you will never feel normal and this **** is endless.  It isn't.  After another few days you will start feeling better.  Then the tough psychological part starts.  I always found the physical worse, but was usually able to treat with proper medication.  Please see an addiction specialist.  They can treat you with the medication necessary to minimize withdrawal symptoms.  See if they use buprenorphine, which, IMO is the very best medication to treat opiate withdrawal.  If you want to know more about buprenorphine, post.  They are also much more understanding about what you are going through because they are trained to understand and they deal with this on a daily basis.  Also, I am not a preachy NA person but statistically you have a much greater chance of staying clean if you are in some sort of group program.  I resisted this for years but eventually found some real support there which has been crucial in my recovery.

by Angie to Ken, Aug 31, 2000 12:00AM
I'm glad you have support form your girlfriend. Did you take the Imodium? I always preferred Lomotil but it's a script. Maybe you can call your Dr? What is it you do for a living again? Don't worry about the wine except that could increase the runs. I can't drink because it makes me physically sick before I get any kind of good feeling. See, I thought I had it made when I found out that pills could do the job better than alcohol and there was no odor! I had to learn the hard way like everybody else. But if there was ever a time I wished I could drink it was during the withdrawl. I remember one guy told me thats how he got through it, by drinking constantly for several days. Hey, I'm not trying to give you any ideas especially if you don't want to trade in one addiction for another. Remember the third day is when the symptons reach their peak so it will gradually start to ease up somewhat. Count your blessings that you got any sleep already. I went for 7 straight days without one wink. Talk about wanting to crawl under a rock! I was one MISERABLE mess. Well Ken, please hang in there it will get better.

by ken to ronnieg and angie, Aug 31, 2000 12:00AM
Thanks guys, you dont know how much it means to me to hear from someone.Yes, I did post in that other forum today, but Now I cant find it. I replied to ssuuzziq, and I started another, but they didn't show up yet. I either did something wrong or they take awhile to post them.But I was there and it is another good place to get input on addiction. I dont know what I would do if I had to sit here with nothing to keep my mind on staying off these damn drugs.I have to go to see my therapist, but I will check back around 8 pm tonight .

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Aug 31, 2000 12:00AM
Hang on buddy, this too shall pass!  I know what you are going through.  When I was running out of morphine and money, I pretty well saw the writing on the wall.  I was kicking so hard that me and the matress ended up on the floor and we stayed there for three days.  Hot-cold-hot cold for hours and always sweating. My own smell was driving me crazy. Then the frenzied searches for the missing pill that never was there. Music and television were unbearable. Only the thought of getting one more hit stayed in my mind to the point of insanity. It's as close to hell as you'll ever get without dying. Plus, all the pain that I hadn't been feeling for many months suddenly started to come back and visit me. My bowels started working overtime to make up for lost time. My body was starting to come back to real life again and thank God I made it! Just typing all these words are helping me stay clean today. Thanks for listening! J.B.

by Ronnieg to Ken, Aug 31, 2000 12:00AM
Ken,



I looked for your post in the other site but couldn't find it either. WHat name do you go by in there?



SuuzziiQ is really struggling with taking 100 vicoden every three days. She needs help fast and is seeking it thank goodness.



Anyway hang in there the day is almost over. Hopefully you can get some sleep tonight.



by ken to ronnieg and angie, Aug 31, 2000 12:00AM
Man oh man do you describe it to a tee. I think I ran a marathon in the bed.And another one to the bathroom.I did go see my therapist tonight,and told her about my addiction to pills.Ive been seeing her for other reasons.What a relief to let her know what I have been doing.I have kept it a secret for fear of her telling da judge. But she has no intention of doing such a thing.I guess it pays to be honest,and it feels good to.So now I have some professional help.Ronnieg, I do know about suzy, and will pray for her. And just to let you in on a little secret,there are people who can and do get that many drugs from a pharamacy with out getting caught.If you read the post by Domino I can confirm it, she is my girlfriend.So believe people do consume over 50 to 60 a day without dying or getting caught.So I will be here until I pass out from the xanax.Woo Hoo ,to bad I only got 6 left,I could get to like those too.(what an addict huh)