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Breathalyzer Test
by Sheila, Dec 28, 2000 12:00AM
Is there any medication that combined with alcohol could result in a misreading on a breathalyzer test?
****, I'm stoned too and feel so marvelous that I want to die.
I'm sitting here with 60 lorcet in my hand and wondering "why not"? I just took the cap off and put two in my mouth and swallowed them. Now I am crushing two more to get more of an effect and washing them down with Vodka. I love all this self destruction because I don't have a reason to care anymore. But I keep thinking "what about tomorrow" . That's the bad part of my whole trip. Brian, I just wanted to share with you a little of what goes on in my mind day to day. If you have any insight into this whole dilemma, I will listen any time!
I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad after all that time, effort and money put into detoxing. I hope you feel better soon.
I know what you mean though, I have been depressed myself lately. I no longer even desire booze, but am addicted to Klonopin in it's place! I still have not got the pain killers set yet because the Neurologist may want to change me from Ultram because it lowers the seizure threshold and boy does it. I had five in three days after doing extensive yard work renovation over the weekend. I took alot of Ultram because the extra work put me in severe pain and then I paid the price with the stupid seizures. Sometimes I just want to go to the jungle and take enough Klonopin to go to sleep and not wake up, kind of like you did with the patches.
On a different topic, They sure need competant medical personel in all fields of the medical profession here on Guam. It would be easy for you to get a high paying job.
To me, Guam is a tropical paradise, but to people whom are used to the fast paced city life, they find it frustratingly slow and backwards.
The weather is warm all year round, there are plenty of nice beaches, for water activities. Micronesia is one of the best places for diving. There are plenty of things to do.
My hobbies are a little on the weirder side, I go to the jungle and collect rare plants. It's all what a person makes of it.
I am sick and tired of asking these Philippinos they bring in a simple medical question and they can't answer it yet they are nurses and such. They see someone in a seizure or the DT's and just sit there going (DUH.)
While I was in the psych ward, I was having a partial seizure while sitting in a chair, stiff and shaking violently, and they were serving lunch. They were dumb enough to call me over for lunch!!!! I am not racist and have nothing against any ethnic group but these people are not trained and have no experience and fake paper work from the Philippines and are probably here on green cards looking for an American husband to bring them to the States to gain their U.S. citizenship.
We desperately need qualified help here. There are not nearly enough local Chamorro people that are qualified and many that are move to the States because they lived here all their life on Guam and want to see other places.
A degree goes along way here, even a bacherlors degree!
It's an option if you want to (get away from it all.)
don't leave the party so soon, man. It's just getting started! Your wife splitting must hurt, I know (actually I do know, my wife did the same thing, I did a 90-day re-hab, she came back and life goes on). Above all, I believe in redemption, that, no matter how low you sink, all that misery somehow drives a spiritual engine inside all of us that ultimately gives meaning to all the pain and shame and finally transforms us into whatever it was god intended us to be from the very moment of the big bang.
One thing I know, if you kill yourself, or do something rash that screws your career as a doctor, then you guarantee that you go out as the quintessential loser. You seal your fate as a nothing, as a gifted, compassionate man who chose to be a fool when he could have hung on just a little longer and been transformed into someone that mattered. Stay with us, Brian. We love you, man. Take it just a little longer. The sun also rises, my friend -- and it will, again and again and again. Don't go. Stay in contact, whatever you decide to do from this night on. Talk to me anytime at
***@****
your friend -- one of many, I might add,
tom
How are you doing today? Any better at all? I still am depressed but not ready for the jungle for the moment. It comes and goes and when it comes it's hard to believe there caa be change.
I just had a generized seizure last night. I suddenly discovered a pants full of fecal matter to make it sound polite and wondered how in the world that happened. I was told by my doctor that generalized in grand mal seizures you remember nothing at all. I always assumed you would recognize a loss of time somewhere though. This is the first time I know of that I actually had a seizure where I lost full consciousness. That tells me my problems are getting worse and not better. All my other seizures were partial,(at least I thought they were) because I was at least partially conscious. Now between falling asleep for seconds at a time while driving and going into generalization of seizures it puts a whole new perspective on my choices in life. My job is already in jeapardy. Life sucks, the year 2000 is one of the worst I have ever had, it really sucked the big one.
I just can't see how anything can change and get better, but somehow it seems to with many people. I hope you, I and others like us can hang in there one day at a time. Sometimes a minute at a time.
Good Luck!
I'm sorry to hear about your seizures getting worse. Do the doctors have any idea what is causing them? I have probably told you already that my daughter died as a result of a grand mal seizure last February. I'm still in agony over this loss.
I will always keep you in my prayers. You are loved!
You add so much worthwhile information here... I hope you will stay. I was not familiar with your personal story and have gone over the board trying to put it together little by little. I have found that you live in Guam and have a seizure disorder.. but I could not figure out your addiction history too well. I hope I am not rude in asking you if you'd be willling to share it here. I guess I don't read all of the threads on the board and missed something. In any case, I do enjoy your posts and will pray for your healing. I think stories about our experiences are very helpful. Your posts are so interesting so I just wanted to know more. Love, Brighty
I assumed you had a significant other and that she probably was less than thrilled at recent events. Been there, are there again. It took my wife leaving me to wake up alone in a motel room on the Pacific Coast Highway (the morning of the Oklahoma City bombing -- what timing, ay?) before I really, really faced my problem. But even that was just round one. I've still got the monkey on my back and am looking for someone to give me eiher methadone or buprenorphine in some kind of maintenance arrangement. Perhaps that could work for you. Is is possible for a physician to be on a methadone program and still practice, perhaps in partnership with another physician who would oversee the rx's? I can't believe that you're going to just throw your degree in the fire and bum around the world on a boat. You're going to need just as much dope on that boat as you will anywhere else. Come on, Brian. You've been through the programs. You know that recovery has been redefined to be a series of relapses and recoveries.
Whatever you do -- don't off yourself over a woman (or anyone else). Doctors seem to think you've got this one career/life path and, once you wander off of it, you're life is over. What ****!
When my addiction really got going I was selling tires in a warehouse over the phone. 16 or so years later I,m a senior technical writer for a software company making good bucks with stock options and looking forward to even better and better things. You don't get off this easy. The bell is sounding, round two is starting and you're going back out there in that ring. Keep fighting, amigo! This is just the beginning. Life is a ripping good novel stuffed with chapters, some that will make this last one seem like a prelude to the REAL story. Don't **** me off and leave us hanging here. Post something tonight. We care and we're not going to let you fade out THAT easy.
I am so sorry for all the hell that you have been through. Please hang in there. It so damn hard sometimes. I have some kind of mental baggage I cant get rid of! It is pure hell. Honest to God this site gets me through some of my days. Do you know why Brian? It is because of people like YOU!!!! We accept you for you and everything that comes with you! Brian you are such a great person. You are wise more than you know. You have helped so many people on this site. We need you here. Dont you notice Brian that when you are gone for more than a day or two that all threads are broken into just trying to find you and know how you are doing. You are FAMILY here. Now Brian, are you even into sailing? Did you just become a "sailor" to escape all this? If you are new to boating this is not the time to go. If you are an avid boater and have had a dream all your life to just get a boat and find yourself that is one thing. You know with this life we lead