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MedHelp Member's Question

Am I addicted?

by LPB, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
This is the first time I have admitted to anyone let alone myself I might have a problem.

I started having panic attacks over a year ago due to a divorce, job change, move etc.  My dr. prescribed Diazapham.  It worked.  But I also drink as well, probably 3-4 glasses of wine a night.  I am now seeing a social worker and have an appointment with a psychatrist this week for meds.  They currently put me on Prozac, which I can't take, makes me have terrible anxiety, tremors, sweats etc.  Stopped taking at at once.  I am also taking Zanax.  5mg once a day.  It makes the panic subside but not for as long of periods of time as it did before.  I am worried that the jitters I get are alcohol related as well.  Is combining the 2 at such a low dose truly dangerous and how do I just stop drinking?  I want to be able to have a glass of wine with friends but not every night.

Any suggestions?  I am in a very lonely place right now and would appreciate the help.
Member Comments (42)

by Witchywoman, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: LPB
Hi LPB, and welcome to the forum!



That took courage to post to us and admit that you've got a problem...congratulations. I remember when I made my first post. I am a hydrocodone addict, and with the help of this forum, I've been clean now for 3 months, after 5 years of abusing.



It is really good that you are seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for help.  Meds for panic disorder do help, a lot, but they can't "fix" the underlying cause of the panic disorder. a combination of meds along with good solid therapy can definately change the patterns that induce the panic disorder, so you are on the right track.  If the prozac doesn't help, ask the Doc to try you on something else.  Serzone is a newer med that helps both anxiety, depression, and panic disorder, and tends to not be as agitating. Maybe you could ask them about that.



To blunty answer your question...taking valium and xanax and drinking 3 to 4 glasses of wine a night does sound like a lot to me.  Have you told you Doc and therapist yet? If they are any good, they won't judge you, but will try to help you learn to change the patterns of addictive behavior so you can feel like you have your life back.



Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.



love,

WW

by LPB, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
thanks.  that was quick.  i do believe i might have a problem.  yes, i have told my therapist.  she wants me to go to AA.  i am not ready for that, i want to try it on my own first.  i think maybe, or certainly, the panic and drinking are just masking a lot of pain inside.  i have never been alone in my life and am just divorced and live a long way from my family.  i have gone from relationship to relationship and think having some form of drink, drug etc. has kept me from facing things.  it's going to be a rough road.  thank you from the bottom of my heart for responding to me.  i wish you continued success as well.

LPB

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: LPB
Yes, try by all means to heal yourself on your own. It is possible to do that for some. AA helped me for many years in so many ways, so don't block that approach out of your mind. If nothing else, talk with some people in AA over the phone.



You are taking benzos presently. They can be called "dry whiskey" by many who have had a problem with them. I assume you have a problem otherwise you would'nt be here posting questions. Your brain may be equating the benzos and alcohol as one and the same. That's the problem/dilemma you are facing now. You want this and yet you want that and on and on and on. What do you really want in life? Everything?



Sounds like bitter advise, doesn't it? Come back here again and let the "old pros" help you out. You'll meet many on your journey that can and will help you along the way.



J.B.

by LPB, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
Wow!

This is the first time I have ever participated in anything like this.  I am so amazed at the kindness of others and how many others there are like me.

What do I want?  Interesting you should ask.  I just had (30 minutes ago) a session with my therapist.  She truly believes I am very co-dependant.  I have never been alone and the alcohol takes that loneless away at night. For the first time in my 34yrs. I am alone. When you drink you don't have to think.  Somethings gotta give, ya know?

I am working on it but don't want to give it up.  Catch 22, huh?  

I do have a question if anyone knows.  I know I have panic/anxiety disorder.  Thats for sure.  I have that creepy crawly feeling and tremor inside feeling (kind of like people who can't take antihistamines).  Is that from not drinking?  I am not taking a ton of the meds.  Maybe 5mg of Zanax a day, (1 pill) and usually at night.  I can't tell if its panic or not having the alcohol in my body?  This is really scary stuff.

by SHOTSY, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: LPB
Hi there! I hope your hanging in there. From what I've found out here your possibly have some withdrawals. I believe the train  of thought is that Zanax leaves the body very quickly. And seems to cause the very symptoms it's used to treat when it leaves your body.Please anyone correct me if I'm wrong.About that alone thing. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Isn't it weird how we want things we don't have. Although beit on a temporary basis. You also  need to realize this is temporary. And you will make it thru. We'll be here to help.You've had a lot to deal with and now you have the perfect oppurtunity to take care of you. So snuggle down and do something you like for YOU.((((HUGS))))) SHotsy

by Witchywoman, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: LPB and Everyone
Hi LPB,

If you are taking 5mg of xanax a day, that is a pretty high dose. I'm thinking you probably mean you take .5 mg a day?

If you take it every day, when do you get the shaky feeling? Withdrawal from xanax does cause intense rebound anxiety, which is what you may be feeling.



I do believe you that you also have panic disorder. My heart goes out to you..that is a incredibly distressing and hard to live with.  Have you done any reading about how to handle panic disorder with cognitive therapy? There is a great book about it, called "Don't Panic" (I forget the author) that is full of helpful info on how to handle panic symptoms and prevent them, without medication.



And yes..I do understand that feeling of wanting to stop but also not wanting to stop.  It is a process, and just reaching out to us is a big step for you along the way to figuring out how you want to approach this.  12 step groups were never the right thing for me. I got clean due to the support of this forum, as well as individual therapy.



I hope you stay with us!

love,

WW

by Witchywoman, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: all, re:hearing loss
Hello everyone,

I just had a hearing test, after weeks of non stop ringing in my ears, and I do have hearing loss. It is not huge, but it is significant, and the Doc can't find any cause for it. I gave him the article about opiate induced hearing loss, he had never heard of it but was going to look into it.



I'm pretty upset. Well, to be honest, I'm extremely upset. I feel overwhelmed in general by my life right now, and finding out that my past opiate abuse probably has permanently damaged my hearing is devastating. The hard part is not knowing if it is going to stay at this level, or progress.  The research I've read said it can begin to happen and progress even after a person stops the drug (which is what has happened to me..I never noticed hearing problems while I was using heavily).



I may need to be a bit scarce for a few days while I try to get some clarity and find my emotional center again.  If I don't post it doesn't mean I'm not here for y'all or that I don't care..I just may need some time to reflect, though I know I also need support badly..my tendency is to withdraw when I feel scared. AAARRRRGGGGGH  I hate being codependant!



Just also ...if you have any hearing symptoms...take them seriously and use this research on hearing loss as another tool in your arsenal of reasons to fight the Dragon.  Warm fuzzy feelings and numbing of emotional pain are not worth giving up the ability to hear beautiful music, the cry of a child, the "I love you" from your loved ones.



love,

WW

by kstuebin, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: LPB
I said I wasn't going to post here but I can't overlook this.  LPB, do not stop taking benzos without consulting a doctor.  They are not like opiates and it is dangerous to go cold turkey.  You can suffer seizures and brain damage in a worse case scenario.  You have to wean yourself off of them and you need to talk to an addictions specialist to do that.  You can find one at any hospital or they can direct you.  I am a Xanax addict who detoxed by weaning and it was bad enough doing it that way. One pill a day is probably not enough to keep you out of severe withdrawl.  I can emphasize this enough.  If you want to email me, I'm ***@****.

by butterbean, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: LPB
HI, I also am alone, divorced, and my children are grown, so I am totally alone.  I like it most of the time, and since I am not dating anyone right now, I am a little more lonely.  However, I think as I believe you said, these pills help to deal with the lonliness, depression, and emotions.  I know they worked wonders for me as I was always panickly, anxious and when I started taking Vicodin, I thought I could do anything.  I did too, I got a divorce after 21 years of marriage.  I am still not sure if it was partly the pills that helped to make me get out of the marriage.  Sometimes I regret it and want him back.  WE had our problems, but, he loved me and was good to me.  I do like living by myself though, and you can too.  For me, I have always felt like I have taken care of myself, since I had no parents who really cared for me much.  So as I took control and got divorced, I am going to take control and get clean of these pills, soon.  I  know I will, I just have to learn first whether I can get a small perscription just for the really severe pain and take something like Motrin for the everyday pain.  I am going to start there this month and see if I can do it.  If I can't, then I intend to stop taking vicodin completely and deal with the pain some other way.  After I came to this forum and met these wonderful people, Ihave felt I have so many friends helping me, keeping me strong, and being there for me when I really need a friend.  I am here for you too, so keep posting.  Yu will win this battle if you want to.  Let me know how you ar doing.

Love Butterbean

by J.B. to Brian and Vicky, Nov 29, 2001 12:00AM
To: LPB,WW and Butterbean
WW, my tinnitis is almost gone since I've been off of hydro and oxycodone for some time. Also, I've been very careful about my sugar and sodium intake as well during these last thirty days. Maybe it's something to consider? Sometimes it takes the "shotgun approach" to feel better, eh? Please excuse my Hoosier way of speaking! Anyway, take some time off and recuperate. We all need to do just that from time to time.



Butterbean, my friend, the very pills of which you speak have been both a boon and downfall in my life. How can something be so wonderful one moment turn into a nightmare the next? I suppose that is life for us. I just strive for some sort of equilibrium day to day. Barring withdrawals and normal misery, life is still a grand adventure. Believe it or not, we could be in much worse circumstances! Stick around long enough and you will see what I am talking about, Butterbean.



LPB, do what you will for now. The journey begins with the first step. You have taken that step and I can only hope that you will find what you are looking for. It is there, believe me, and you will find it someday. Just be patient and it will come. Without a doubt you will meet some people along the way....but remember, "princibles before personalities" is always the best guide in this life. I offer my best of wishes to you!



J.B.

by Frank Lee, Nov 30, 2001 12:00AM
Hi LBP,



There is a lot of support out here for you and I am glad you found a place. You are playing with fire mixing benzos and ethanol and I am glad you realize it is a problem. Indeed, it's great that you found a therapist. I hope you are able to work out a plan. From personal experience