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LOST!!

by kell737, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
I have had a really rough night and morning.  My husband left for this morning for  6 months.  He's in the military and they sent him off in the worst time (for me) possible!  I know I can't be selfish because he's helping all of us  keep our freedom but my God,  I feel like I just had a family member die.  I can honestly admit this is harder than the detox I went through.  He's been in the Military for 7 years now and has never been sent anywhere so we've never been apart.  The hardest thing in the world I had to do was to tell my kids he would be gone for 6 months.  What am I supposed to do through all this now?  I've been clean for 31 days now and he was my back bone and supported me 110%!    Now I have to do this alone.  6 months is a long time.  Geez!    Anyone have any suggestions on keeping myself busy? .... I came sooooo close to heading to the doctor to get meds this morning but I am proud to say I didnt.   Someone please let me know how to get through this.  



~Kell
Member Comments (18)

by tammygirl30, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
My goodness that must be really difficult for you. i am battling a habit right now, if only i were you and was clean for a month.  my advice, though it will be difficult for you, is to take this time for your children, use the time to connect more with them. keep busy, do things for yourself, how lucky you are to have a TRUE man in this world to be so noble to defend his country. are there ways to communicate with your husband, if so do so everyday in some way INVEST in a big teddy bear lol. that is what i cling too on my lonely nights, my husband at times has to leave for a week here and there for work. as far as you relapsing, DONT, YOU HAVE GOT THROUGH THE WORST of it, and your hubby may be your back bone but you did this on your own, if you didnt have the will to get clean, no one could have been responsible for your success but you,. if you need someone to talk to please keep in touch ill be here, and since you have already conqeured your addiction, maybe you can help me conqeur mine, im going to stop starting monday and i will really need someone to confide in when i go through this hell. it will be my 5th time. i guess i like to torture myself but this time it is not only for me, but for my kids and hubbie as well. take care and good luck tammy

by bmac, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: kell737
talk to us.we are only here because of thie same things you are feeling right now.your husband is doing a great service to our country,I have several friends there now and my wife is in an army reserve mash unit that could be activated if we go to

war with iraq.your craving to use is the little crutch you feel you need to get thru.Try using us instead.For two weeks I vented my anger out here and I am 18 days clean.if you need I will give you my email and phone number if you can't find someone closer to you.Just for the sake of your sanity,don't start using as a crutch.We are all here for eachother,you especially

                           peace,

                            bmac

by kell737, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: Tammy
Thank you so much for responding.  My husband will still be in the States (Missouri)  THANK GOD!  I guess and KNOW it could be a lot worst but we won't talk about that.  I'm 3 states away from him and we plan to talk alittle on the phone everyday.  He told me at the airport this morning that  if came close to getting a pill down my throat to flush it and call him that second.  He has his ways of helping whether he's here or not but it's so hard because all those days and nights I was in pain and vomiting and feverish (Ya know how it goes) .... he held me and  stood right by my side.  Although I'm over all those withdrawls, the depression is still there, and him leaving did NOT help, to say the least.  I certainly don't blame him, or anyone for that matter, this is his job.  I'll get through it,  it's just really tough right now.    



As far as your addiction ... GOOD FOR YOU!!!  I'm glad to hear it.  That I can definately help you with (or do my best trying)  What is it your addicted to and for how long?   I was addicted to Percocet and Vicodin (mainly Percocet) for 8 straight years and I quit cold turkey 31 days ago.  It was totally HELL!!  (LITERALLY)   You can do this and if you need any suggestions let me know.   Thanks again.... Glad to know people care enough to listen.  Good luck



~Kell

by kell737, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: bmac
I never knew or didn't realize how caring you people here are until I just read your and Tammy's post.  Thank you so much.  I know I'll get through this.   This forum has saved me so many times throughout this past month.  



Congrats on your 18 days!  Happy to here that!   I do know one thing, Percocet controlled my life for 8 long years and I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER............ Let them monsters take over again!    This is my life and I have to do this for my kids and I am not going to let some small round piece of **** ruin that!  (sorry)   You guys never fail at making me feel better.....  THANK YOU!  



~Kell

by tammygirl30, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: kell
well my DOC is lorcet, but i take whatever i can get mainly oc,percs, or lorcets. i have been using for about 2 years now. my husband doesnt give me the support like yours does. he doesnt take me seriously, he thinks it is all in my head. it is very difficult having children and trying to battle this and not really having support. i dont think he is completly to blame, i tend to sugarcoat things a bit because i am ashamed. i am down to about 6 pills a day now because i want to quit so i am hoping it will be a little easier this time around. the first time i went through detox i thought i was going to die, you would think i would have learned my lesson but no such luck. thank you so much for replying  tammy

by bmac, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: kell767
my addition was hydro,oxy i have been a perscription addict for

10 years.last year i decided to go with methadone from a pain managment doc.i tapered to 10 mgs aday over a years time but i didn't detox from methadone the right way and had a terrible experience.but to answer your question i am a opiate addict.

but now i am a recovering opiate addict,by the grace of God.

I am also very depressed and have been using wellbutrin

and it has given me back some of the energy i lost laying on the couch for a year.drug addiction has been a major problem in my life and i realize it took me 10 years to get this way and it might take 10 years to get better.but as long as i stay clean drug addiction wont be the problem.thanks for sharing and i meant what i said i can be here anytime,you just ask.

                             peace,

                              bmac

by kell737, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: bmac
We have a lot in common...  I have been addicted for 8 years to prescription drugs (only), never any street drugs (not even Pot)



Honestly I just got tired of them controlling my life.  (AND THEY WERE)   I'm very proud of myself as you should be to yourself.  I wanted to ask you another question...... When you were taking these meds.... how did you get them? ....Did you have an actual chronic pain problem or were you just addcited?  



As far as myself, I had 13  surgeries when I was 17 years old and I was on IV Morphine for 17 straight days  and 3 weeks later in the year, thats what got me addicted.   I started going to the doctor and faking excuses and coming up with silly stuff.  Even had my tooth pulled to get drugs.  Makes me ashamed of myself but addicts will do almost anything for a pill.   Keep in touch  and thank you for being  here for me.  I greatly appreciate it!

~Kell

by bmac, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: kell767
like you i have had surgeries.4 low back,3 right knee and leg.

first was in 1989,i've been a prescription addict since.My wife

works at the biggest sports medicine hospital in town and i know most of the docs personally.so getting opiates was very easy.

i will say they all,everyone warned me about my on going addiction.the last year in my mind was getting me off drugs,

that's why i used methadone.but i didn't use or detox

correctly.thanks again for being here and keeping your problems

open so we will open up too,thanks!

                             peace,

                             bmac

by cindi, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
To: Kell
God, we love our men don't we?  i nearly died last year when my hsuband went to look for a job and a house in Florida  (we just moved down here)  it is so hard when we get lonely, angry, hungry and tired...talk to the people here on the board...write,  sing, keep a journal,,i always try to remember that it could be worse,,,i just spent a week on the edge of hell..very depressed...very down   my dear old friend thomas wrote me an email   he said   "we are not quitters"  i met thomas and skipper among others over a year ago on this very board,,during a very down time in my life,  my mom had just died and I wanted to,,,despite the fact that i had 2 great kids and a husband to live for,,i could not imagine feeling any worse than I did,,,it took my friends and alot of sharing and talking to get me through but it worked...just keep coming around,,,they'll all be here for you..



cindi

by Francoise, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
One day at a time. Just one day at a time. And if you have to look at it one hour at a time, do that. Or one minute.



What's the worst that could happen? Your man could come back to find you back in the sauce (whatever type sauce it was). That would be awful.



One day at a time. And come here every ten minutes if you need to. We may not be able to perform as your back bone, but we'll prolly do as well as a few vertebra for you.



Frank

by kell737, Sep 07, 2002 12:00AM
Thank you everyone.  Your responses have a lot of good advice and thoughtful  things in them.   The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life (INCLUDING DETOX AFTER 8 YEARS) was to watch him through a glass wall getting on the tarmac. (sp)   As you know, all airports in America don't let anyone past the baggage area since 9-11.  So, my kids and I had to stand and watch him with a glass wall between us, that's what made it harder. (Just one more reason I wish they would burn those Bastards that did all this!!!)  I thought about leaving and just not looking back but I come to the conclusion that would have hurt MUCH more.  He's been gone for 7 hours and I miss him like no tomorrow!  I know thats crazy  but that man has been  everything to me for the past 9 (married 6)  years.  I knew when I married him that he may get sent off but after it never happened for years I kinda let my guard down.

My husband and I have been together since 9th grade in high school.   We are so happy when were together.  I know I'm driving you all nuts rambling on but this truely helps me to vent alittle.  I hope you understand.   I appreciate all of your support, it's worth a million bucks to me.  



~Kell

by Bondy, Sep 08, 2002 12:00AM
To: Kell
Keep venting...no-one here is the slightest bit sick of hearing your story.  Sitting at the keyboard is immeasurably helpful, reading the responses is good....the day has gone by much more quickly and with less pain when you talk to us.

Serge.

by percsnomas, Sep 08, 2002 12:00AM
To: Kelli
KELLI, I know it's not the same, but I'll/we'll be the "re-inforcement" for the backbone that YOU HAVE SHOWN US OVER THE PAST > MONTH.

Remember SIDE-BY-SIDE!

LOL

by kell737, Sep 08, 2002 12:00AM
Well, atleast one day is gone!  I received some really good news last night around 9pm.   My husband called me and said he would  not  be gone for 6 months but instead 3.  He will return on Dec 9th  BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!   I was so thrilled.   I just kept thinking, "God, 6 months? .... Thats half a year!"  LOL   3 sounds much better.  Hope everyone is having a good day!  



~Kell

by kell737, Sep 08, 2002 12:00AM
To: percsnomas
Thank you!  You are such a sweetheart!    Are you at work today?



~Kell

by percsnomas, Sep 08, 2002 12:00AM
Yes, I got up early to come to the office and check on you.

For some reason I was worried about you this weekend.

God my heart goes out to you with hubby leaving BUT he's still with you every second AS AM I!!!!!!!