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Life's decisions and what they mean to those around us.
by MethMan, Nov 19, 2002 12:00AM
I can't speak for others, but for me, years of methadone addiction and the disease helped me become a very selfish individual.
With every day getting better, it becomes clearer to me the vast amends I must make to family and friends alike. Materialistic desires have but all vanished from my thoughts and are now being replaced with a desire to help repair emotional damage that I have caused without knowing until now.
The main benifactor of my relentless self pity and emotional wreckage was unfortunately my daughter as I was the only parent that was around to spend time with her. Mom was gone emotionally and physically most of the time so we went through life together.
Her undying love for her Dad and was shaken when after a car wreck, I was airlifted to the hospital and given Nubain. Since I was an opiate addict, detox occurred almost immediately and I began to yell and move uncontrollably. From the waiting room, my daughter heard me and ran back to see what the problem was only to encounter an ER doctor reviewing my chart and finally reading that I was on methadone. When she asked what was wrong, he yelled, "Your Dad is nothing more than an Addict.". Even in as rough a shape as I was, I still remember her face.
Forgiveness is easily attained simply by asking but the emotional pain and suffering of those around us could take years to repair if at all.
Most of us here have found a way to get back our lives. But what about those victims we left in our paths? Do they not deserve the same dedication and time we spend on ourselves?
God Bless,
Mike
With every day getting better, it becomes clearer to me the vast amends I must make to family and friends alike. Materialistic desires have but all vanished from my thoughts and are now being replaced with a desire to help repair emotional damage that I have caused without knowing until now.
The main benifactor of my relentless self pity and emotional wreckage was unfortunately my daughter as I was the only parent that was around to spend time with her. Mom was gone emotionally and physically most of the time so we went through life together.
Her undying love for her Dad and was shaken when after a car wreck, I was airlifted to the hospital and given Nubain. Since I was an opiate addict, detox occurred almost immediately and I began to yell and move uncontrollably. From the waiting room, my daughter heard me and ran back to see what the problem was only to encounter an ER doctor reviewing my chart and finally reading that I was on methadone. When she asked what was wrong, he yelled, "Your Dad is nothing more than an Addict.". Even in as rough a shape as I was, I still remember her face.
Forgiveness is easily attained simply by asking but the emotional pain and suffering of those around us could take years to repair if at all.
Most of us here have found a way to get back our lives. But what about those victims we left in our paths? Do they not deserve the same dedication and time we spend on ourselves?
God Bless,
Mike
You helped me when I was down and for that I'm grateful. As addicts, we tend to see the bad in ourselves and not the good. I read the posts on this forum and there are so many helping hands. I know that I am hard on myself, as is most addicts I know.
It's my opinion that we must try to make ammends with those we hurt. It will be painful but unless we clean up our mess, I fear we will carry it around with us until we die. I know that if I don't attempt to reconcile, I will look back later in life and wished I had. I'm fortunate to have an understanding wife and family. They understand that it was not "me" that cut such deep scars.....it was my addiction.
Methman, you have been an inspiration to many on this board and for that you should feel some sense of pride. May you find the peace in your heart we're all searching for.
All the best,
Mike
Take care!
Suzie
Southernbelle...
There is a difference between slipping and falling. You slipped. Get up, dust yourself off and keep going. None of us are perfect. Maybe that is part of the disease talking to you. Look, I got you again. It's your choice. If you want to walk from it, then walk. You simply made a mistake. That's what humans do.. they make mistakes. It's what we do with the knowledge of these mistakes that makes us who we are.
Rock on Girl....
Mike
Well hope this was not too harsh!
Take care and you are in my prayers!
Suzie
e-mail me if ya like at ***@****