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A New Day...A New Post
by PainKilla, Dec 12, 2002 12:00AM
Good Morning Everyone,
Just thought I would start a new post for today since the other ones seem to run into each other. I am new to the site. I have only posted a few times. I have been on painkillers for a year now due to two MVA's. Started with Perc's then I was perscribed OxyContin. When a friend suggested sniffing them that was the start of my addiction I think.
I would run through the scripts at least a week early every time and have to suffer the awful withdrawals. Over time my back and neck pain is starting to get reduced so my doctor is trying to wean me off of all pain meds. I see a pain doc every two weeks for trigger point injections.
My car was broken into a month and a half ago and my Oxy was stolen. My doc decided that would be a good reason to switch me to Methadone. I took it for three weeks and I could not take it anymore. I was a walking zombie.
So for about three weeks I have been on straight Oxycodone. The 5mg tablets. Sure enough...I ran out of them early. My last dose was Sunday. I am suppose to take 6 a day...but I take more.
You would think I would learn my lesson right? Why is it that we don't? Why do we keep telling ourselves "I will take X amount extra today and then make up for it X day down the road?" IT NEVER HAPPENS. I keep taking more than I should every single time I get a script.
I bought a bottle of Ultram to help and it is. I hardly have any withdrawals. I just miss the high I guess?
Well...I have written a book now so I will stop.
I hope you are all having an okay morning.
-CM
Just thought I would start a new post for today since the other ones seem to run into each other. I am new to the site. I have only posted a few times. I have been on painkillers for a year now due to two MVA's. Started with Perc's then I was perscribed OxyContin. When a friend suggested sniffing them that was the start of my addiction I think.
I would run through the scripts at least a week early every time and have to suffer the awful withdrawals. Over time my back and neck pain is starting to get reduced so my doctor is trying to wean me off of all pain meds. I see a pain doc every two weeks for trigger point injections.
My car was broken into a month and a half ago and my Oxy was stolen. My doc decided that would be a good reason to switch me to Methadone. I took it for three weeks and I could not take it anymore. I was a walking zombie.
So for about three weeks I have been on straight Oxycodone. The 5mg tablets. Sure enough...I ran out of them early. My last dose was Sunday. I am suppose to take 6 a day...but I take more.
You would think I would learn my lesson right? Why is it that we don't? Why do we keep telling ourselves "I will take X amount extra today and then make up for it X day down the road?" IT NEVER HAPPENS. I keep taking more than I should every single time I get a script.
I bought a bottle of Ultram to help and it is. I hardly have any withdrawals. I just miss the high I guess?
Well...I have written a book now so I will stop.
I hope you are all having an okay morning.
-CM
There seems to be such a clear divide between those of us that are addicts and those that are not. One of the coaches for my sons football team recently threw his back out, and was prescribed Vicodin. Although he was in a lot of pain, he took the Vicodin for only a few days, and then got off of it -- and the story ends there. Of course this amazed me, because he worked so hard to get off of the pain killers, something I could not do without great effort.
And so it goes for addicts and alcoholics. You either are or you aren't. for the most part if you are, then you overuse like you stated above. If you aren't you don't use at all unless you are in authentic pain.
And who knows why...
Once you recognize you are an addict though, you have to turn on all the strategies that people talk about here, and that are listed in the NA/AA literature and work them.
(There is good news though. I am comvinced that once you go through this process, which involves helping others, not only are you stronger, but you become a better person.)
But there are downsides too. My deal, when I drank years ago, was Bacardi rum. I still walk past it in the grocery store, and I swear it calls to me. (Imagine that Homer Simpson voice, "OOOOOOhhhh Bacardi")
And like somebody else here on this forum once said, I may always remember how I felt when I was on the Vicodin, that euphoria, that "I'm in no pain today" feeling. What's the end game though for this feeling? A living helll that so many if us here are in.
I actually went to see an addictiononlogist when I was drinking, and he told me this:
"There are a lot of things that you can do in your life. Drinking is not one of them"
And so it goes with both drinking and drugs. It may be helpful for you to think of it like this. There are certain things that diabetics must avoid. People who have had heart attacks must avoid certain foods or activities. Lots of people with lots of the diseases must avoid lots of things. There are a lot of things that we drug addicts can do in our life, a lot. Howver, addicts must avoid drinking and drugs. Period. If we don't, for the most part, were not part the way back in, were all the way back in which means high doses, higher than were supposed to take. I mean, there's no such thing as being a little pregnant, right? You either are or you aren't. For me anyway, when I'm taking drugs, I'm taking lots of drugs. What's the solution then?
Take no drugs. And during the taper process, you will hate that solution. However, I'm convinced that the same thing that happen to me after I stopped drinking will happen after I have stopped taking drugs. Does everyone recall that thing that we used to call "our lives"? As many on this forum have told us , we get that back.
Good luck to you PainKilla....
Rex
Take care and i am so proud of you and your detox!
Keep that Angel on your shoulder!
Suzie
CMM
First off...Kudos on the Simpsons reference!!! You can never go wrong with Homer.
Secondly...You hit the nail on the head. We must avoid drugs if we're not honest with ourselves regarding them. I have stated before my injuries & pain. I have also openly admitted to taking a pill or two occasionally since my detox. The only way I manage this is that I am COMPLETELY honest with myself. I AM an addict...however...I DO HAVE a tremendous amount of pain...daily. I CHOSE to be clean. So far...I CHOOSE to STAY "clean" (meaning no abuse). I have a lot of pills worth of scripts in my wallet & I don't fill them. I can't speak for tomorrow...only today. I know that this statement's killing a lot of people still feeling withdrawls today...the fact that I DO have 50 or so pills of vicodin es in my desk & a lot of prescriptions I can fill but that's not my intention nor my point. My point is, I HAVE to live day by day. I can't see into the future far enough to say that I will never abuse my medication again but the memories from 4 months ago are still very vivid & very clear...so I CAN see far enough into the future to say that as of now, I WILL NOT abuse my meds anytime soon. My life has straightened out but I can never reclaim a career that I dreamnt of my whole life...MOTOCROSS!!! I may still be in the industry & I may still make pretty good money riding but I will NEVER see the kind of cash I did before VICODIN took over. We can't ALL avoid medications...but we should if we can.
Thanks for your kind words, but what I learned I learned from Hippee, Methman, 1day, and many others.
PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)
Rex
I'm on day 5 of tapering a 6 year hydro habit, took 1 1/2 ES's yesterday and 1 .5 zanax last night an slept for 5 hours straight, no hot bath nothing. What a great night! My goal is nothing today but the hot baths.
Thanks to all for the postings it has made want to change for the first time in 25+ years of being high on everything but life!
by the way, the difference between the Qualludes and Vicodin, can be best explained by the following bit by the ever-vulgar Sam Kinison. (I am substituting some terms here...)
"A Vicodin never caused me to drive my [freakin'] car into a [freakin'] wall!
To use another comedian, and substituting again from Richard Pryor:
I got tired of waking up in my car...........doing 80mph! ;-)
Qualludes were not the best, but the worst. The Pharmies were extremely potent and could turn a pissed off charging Rhino into turtle on Valium!
The answer to your question is technology. Huge drug companies with billions of dollars in R&D investment dollars and really intelligent scientists create this stuff, as opposed to "two guys growing some stuff in a 12x18 patch of grass in their backyards in So Cal", or some Methlab in a mobile home in Tulsa.
This Vicodin is a highly engineered Opiate and because of this, it works REALLY REALLY WELL! Guess what though? When you abuse it, it grips you REALLY REALLY WELL!
I have said this before, but I know - I KNOW! - that somewhere right now in a conference room at Merck, Wyeth, ect, managers, engineers, and CEOs are having meetings on the "Addiction vs Profit" discussion.
The minute any of these guys go public to say "We think there may be a problem with addiction of our products", their stock gets hammered, huge losses ensue, stockholders lose thousands or millions, and so there you are!
In a highly ironic twist, they _could_ be developing a anti-opiate to help people with the original opiate addiction get off of the drug. They will then sell that product and boost their profits to an absolutely silly amount. Here's the concept -- sell the opiate for the huge amount of profits, and then sell the anti-opiate for huge amount of profits. In other words, work both ends of the spectrum, both sides of the coin.
This can be illustrated by a bit by yet another great comedian - Steven Wright:
One time I bought a humidifier and a dehumidifier - I put them in the same room and let them slug it out!
Rex
This morning I think I may of had a godsend. I had gotten an 80 of oxy that night and in the morning when I planned to take it I was washing off the coating and it went down the drain.Holy ****! My dad got a scrip for 5 20's. I said I would take 2 today two the next and then one.That was my contract and I sure fu--en hope it works. I can't believe that happened.
If you ever want to e-mail me it is ***@**** or chat on yahoo messenger it is suzanne32308
That goes for anyone. I would love to hear from any of you!
Take care!
Suzie
How ya feeling today?
Did you share my story with your friend?
I'll tell ya what G...If you can get your friend completetly clean & yourself as well...I'll personally take you both to the X-GAMES as V.I.P. guests...all expenses PAID. How's that for some incentive. I'll introduce you both to all of the top riders & anybody else in the industry or any other...skateboarding, BMX etc. This will include ALL ACCESS PASSES, LODGING, FOOD, TRAVEL & maybe even a souvenier or 2. You have about 3 months to complete this. You can return the favor when you sign with the NBA by taking me to a game or 2. Your friend would get a lot out of this being as he will meet the top pros, sponsers & contacts galore. I would love to do this for you & your friend but I will not drop a single dime if you're both NOT 100% CLEAN.
GET TO IT G-RHYMES...
You may be in trouble when we get clean and i try to take you up on this offer. Thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. As far as I am concernerned when i make it to the NBA you can be my personal agent. How bout that for a deal ...
You should take the 20s that you get by swallowing them rather than snorting them. I used to snort my oxys as well. You can use a lot less without feeling the withdrawals for a longer period of time if you swallow them. This worked for me. Just some advice.
Sounds like things are betting a little better day by day.
How are you feeling now that you have been able to put a small amount of opiate in you? Hopefully it has eased the pain.
I have dropped a few OC's down the drain. I used to freak when that happend. I even made my fiance open up the drain pipes once and get it out!! What a fool. Do I dare say...I miss the Oxy's. It has been about a month and a half since I have had one. Now I just take OxyCodone 5mg pills. They don't even effect me. I may miss the Oxy's but I don't miss the way the effected the rest of my life. The ruled my life. I think my car getting broken into was a godsend. God was giving me a chance to get off those Oxy's. I truly belive that everything happens for a reason.