What are you coming off of? All I can do is tell you to stay strong, stay focused, and may the love and peace of God be with you through this. You have alot of people rooting for you!

Have you considered Buprenex as Bodymechanic suggested? That sounds like the ideal drugChemical dependence - resources
Chemotherapy
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Drug allergies
Drug induced hypertension
Drug rash on the back
Drug rash, tegretol
Drug signs and teenagers
Drug-induced hypertension for your situtation from I have been reading from him.



Also, have you considered the in patientKidney diet - dialysis patients or out patientKidney diet - dialysis patients concept?



I hate to see you in his much painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources. Life is hell standing on the edge of the diving board - I can promise you that. Yes, I did experience intense anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety, which is all but gone now. Just some lingering backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources which I am struggling with, but working through. Nothing was worse though, than that mentalMental retardation
Mental status tests painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources - nothing in my entire life compares to it!



It's decision time for you, Belle, IMO. You definitely can't stay in this place for much longer, right?



Seek help from your docs, and try the Bup. or some other detox-assisting drugChemical dependence - resources
Chemotherapy
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Drug allergies
Drug induced hypertension
Drug rash on the back
Drug rash, tegretol
Drug signs and teenagers
Drug-induced hypertension.



I will continue to pray for you.



God Bless,



Rex

couldn't have said it better myself, rex.....it's decision time for me.  i can't go on like this -- something's got to give.  i'll be in touch.  i've got some things to wrap up at the office, and i'll be backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment in touch.  love to you.  please pray.

should i take my chances and go tell a doc what's going on?  should i just go and tell the truth and take my chances? if i go in to a docs office and tell him, what can i expect?  will they lock me away somewhere, or is there a chance they'll help me taper?  guess it all depends.  i'm so scared.  should i go and explain to a doc that i want off and would like to taper?  how should i handle it?  what a way to start the new year....if anybody does pray, please pray for me.  i'm shaking like a leaf.  i'm afraid of everything.

WOW!  I read your post this morning and I really related to your struggle.  I know exactly how you are feeling.  I have been there, that horrible fearFears and phobias of being without them and yet knowing that the whole thing is so insane and you just want it to stop.



I agree it is time to take a step either fess up to the doc or go for the detox.  It is a very difficult step to take but you will feel some relief once it has happened. I am a barbituate addict and have been clean since the end of November.  I got to the same point you are talking about.  I was terrified all the time of running out and worrying about how to get more.  I felt like a hamster on a habitrail, it just went on and on. I too feared the withdrawalDelirium tremens and was concerned about seizuresEclampsia
Epilepsy
Febrile seizures
Generalized tonic-clonic seizure
Grand mal seizure
Partial (focal) seizure
Petit mal seizure
Seizures
Temporal lobe seizure because barbituate withdrawalDelirium tremens can be dangerous.  



I finally fessed up to one doctor (I was getting pills from 5 doctors all of whom didn't know about the others) who put me on a slow taper which I followed and then I went to see an addictionologist who helped me to get off of the pills and put me on a medicationAllergic reactions to medication
Drug allergies
Drug-induced hypertension
Getting a prescription filled
Home pharmacy
Inhaler medication administration to help with anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety.  It is called neurontin and is widely used with barbituate addictionDrug abuse and dependence because it is an anti-seizureEclampsia
Epilepsy
Febrile seizures
Generalized tonic-clonic seizure
Grand mal seizure
Partial (focal) seizure
Petit mal seizure
Seizures
Temporal lobe seizure med. It has helped me to stay calm.



I still have many days where I have cravings but I try to keep it at one day at a time. I also do attend 2 12-step meetings per week, I know that is not for everyone but I do find it comforting and have met people there who also use pills along with drinking.



There are other programs such as Smart RecoveryRecovery position - series that do work for alot of people. I also have a counselor who I talk to every week.  



I will be praying for you



Take Care



Golden Slipper

I gotta be honest, southernbelle ~ when I fessed up and was hoping the doc would help me taper, he said flat out NO.  He said he wanted me in a detox, he would not be giving me any more pills and what is more, he would be calling my primaryPrimary amyloidosis
Primary biliary cirrhosis
Primary hyperparathyroidism
Primary insomnia
Primary lymphoma of the brain doc (this doc was a specialist that my primaryPrimary amyloidosis
Primary biliary cirrhosis
Primary hyperparathyroidism
Primary insomnia
Primary lymphoma of the brain had sent me to) to let him know to not give me anymore either.  I was getting 80% of my pills from these 2 docs, so getting cutCuts and puncture wounds off from both of them would put me in a really bad situation.  



I know I dont know you (sorta feel like I do after reading this board for the last several weeks) but I think you need to fess up anyway.   It sounds like you are in a bad place (I know all too well ~ been there, done that ~ doing it again!) and I can tell you from experience it wont get any better.  



It is scary, no doubt.  I feel and know your fearFears and phobias.  But its only gonna get worse.   The sooner you do something to get yourself off for good, the better off you will be.  



If you can swing a 30 day rehab, go for it.   If not, what about a detox with a little rehab ~ about a week to 10 days?  Be creative about why you are gone with your job (like some of the others said on one of your other threads) but please realize this is your LIFE here.   I know how scary the feeling of not being able to function with out those little devilsDevil"s claw can be ~ that is where I am right now.   I know, I really do.  



Email me if you want: ***@****

Your sister in addictionDrug abuse and dependence ~

LA

Hi Southernbelle & everyone.  I woke up at 6:30 this a.m. with the most intense fearFears and phobias and anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety, my whole body was shaking.  I am still taking narco, 10 mg., about 4-5 a day.  But I was up to 12-15 just 3 days ago, and now I have to taper off to 2 a day, because I'm running out.  I am facing a whole lot of real heavy problems right now, and can't imagine how to get through them without my pills.  Plus I really have painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources that regular analgesics won't touch.  I am scared all the time.  I hate this.  I feel like I'm having a nervousAged nervous tissue
Central nervous system
Central nervous system and peripheral nervous system
Irritable bowel syndrome
Nervous system
Neurosarcoidosis
Primary lymphoma of the brain breakdown.  My husband is having surgeryAbdominal wall surgery
Before and after corneal surgery
Brain surgery
Carotid artery surgery
Carotid artery surgery - series
Cataract removal
Cataract surgery - series
Cervical cryosurgery
Cervix treatment - cryosurgery
Congenital heart defect corrective surgery
Corneal surgery next week, and I feel like a complete disappointment to him, I'm usually so together.  There's no one I can talk to about all this.  We're kind of new where we live, all my friends are far away and have problems of their own.  I don't know what I'm going to do.  I feel like every nerveNerve biopsy
Nerve conduction velocity is frayed. HELP!!  I am taking the recipe, have been since October, even though I started taking the pills again, I figured it was a good idea to take all the supplements.  But I need some people to talk with me.  Thank you.

stay posted here...we'll be there for each other.  sounds like we are both in the same place.  whoever you are, i love you.  i know there's a better day coming around.  we can get through this.  we'll get through this together.  easy does it, nothing done in a hurry.  i'll post herre on this board with each decision i make.  again, i love you. you are NOT alone.  just keep checking in here for now......LOVE TO EVERYBODY.

the fearFears and phobias and anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety have been experienced by most of us I think...both of running out and of what happens when you try to quit.  I am a beliver in talking to the Dr...but I happen to have a very good primaryPrimary amyloidosis
Primary biliary cirrhosis
Primary hyperparathyroidism
Primary insomnia
Primary lymphoma of the brain care Doc I've been going to for 10 years who is both very compassionate and pragmatic.  Unfortunately not all of them are...you have to decide if you feel your Dr will help you.  An honest confession and a frank ask for help usually will stimulate almost any Dr to help a patientKidney diet - dialysis patients who wants to help themselves.



If yopu can go to inpatient detox, if your life situation will allow...do it.  Then you are sure to have the right people you need to help...



I will tell you this...I WAS very scared like you are, but what I was most scared of (in hindsight) was that I would not be able to quit...after I made it through the firstFirst progesterone mc10
First progesterone mc5
First-progesterone vgs 200
First-progesterone vgs 400 4 days of w/d the fearFears and phobias and anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety level droped a lot and slowly drifted away...for me by about day 17 completeley.  Your Dr can give you med to help with the anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety...I didn't use any, so I may have had it worse than I needed to.



prayers,



ponConsumer rights and responsibilities

I know what you are feeling and it is terrible.  It is scarey and the anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety level can be crushing at times or sometimes all the time...add to it whatever else you have in your life and it is incredible...BUT, it can be done.  Lots of us have gone through it, made it, and are free again...you can be too...and you are worth it.



The folks on the board here can probably help you more if you tell us more...why are you stopping the meds when you have chronicAcute vs. chronic conditions
Addison’s disease
Anemia of chronic disease
Cause of chronic bronchitis
Chronic bronchitis
Chronic cholecystitis
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Chronic fatigue syndrome - resources
Chronic lymphocytic leukemia (cll)
Chronic lymphocytic leukemia - microscopic view
Chronic motor tic disorder severe painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources?  how much are you taking?  how long?



Is going to your Dr for help an option?  Wd is tough, but it can be made easier with help from your Dr, the right meds, and most of all by posting here.  By talking here you can know you aren't alone...lots of us have been where you are, lots of folks understand and will help.



prayers,



ponConsumer rights and responsibilities

I think the most important thing to keep in mind is that you must be working with a specialist.  If you try to deal with this using a general practitioner the odds are much higher that you will get burned.  My experience between my general Dr. and my painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources management specialist could not be more night and day.



For one, general practitioners must be seeing like 60 patientsKidney diet - dialysis patients and day -- my painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources management specialist probably sees 10 if I were to guess.



Secondly, a painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources management specialist is just that -- a specialist and by default knows a lot about painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources, and in my case the things that surround painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources, which were addictionDrug abuse and dependence and detox!



Finally, in my humble opinion, I think specialists have a narrower but much more intensive skill set focused around painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources, and at least in my experience were just flat out better doctors.  They listened a lot more, they are more sympathetic, it was just like they understood and I have been to three of them over the last three years.  Each and every one of them blew my regular doctor out of water!  I swear I could hear angels singing when I got an appointment with my latest painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources management Dr. He partnered with me if you know what I mean.



(WARNING: the BIG DISADVANTAGE is that they dispense medicationAllergic reactions to medication
Drug allergies
Drug-induced hypertension
Getting a prescription filled
Home pharmacy
Inhaler medication administration much more liberally -- you ask for it - you get it.  Don't let that burnAirway burn
Burn, blister - close-up
Burn, thermal - close-up
Burns
Burns - resources
Eye burning - itching and discharge
First degree burn
Gastroesophageal reflux disease
Heartburn
Heartburn prevention
Minor burn - first aid - series you, but also do not let it dissuade you.)



If I were standing in your shoes right now, what I might try doing is the following.  Find out who in your medical group in is either an addictiononlogist or a painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources management specialist, and demand that your general Dr. refer you to them. Because you do not want to wait the month it will take for the referral, then call this Dr. and pay for one appointment out-of-pocket- get in to see them - tell them it's an emergencyEmergency airway puncture
Emergency contraception and that the referral paperwork is soon to be completed ("should be any day now"). When you get into see this specialist, lay every single detail out on the table -- everything!



Once into see this specialist, ask him about the buprenex that body mechanic has been talking to us about.  But let this specialist help you decide which detox program is best. Whatever you decide, we will be here.



Rex

One other idea - have you thought about devoting 5-8 days of time to just you if possible, and just quitting - biting the bullet.



I know the painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources you have been in the last month. Would cold turkey be much worse? I mean, on a painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources threshold chart scale of 1 to 100, is there really a big difference between 87 and 91 ?



God's Grace to you...



Rex

The only way of effectively ending an addictive behaviorAutistic behavior
Behavior - unusual or strange
Bulimia
Hyperactivity
Suicide and suicidal behavior
Temper tantrums is to stop it. Anything less will just aggravate the situation. But of course I will neither be able to accept nor accomplish this simple reality. All the pieces of the circle of attachment have reinforced my addictive behaviorAutistic behavior
Behavior - unusual or strange
Bulimia
Hyperactivity
Suicide and suicidal behavior
Temper tantrums, making me repeat it. And with each repitition, my learning has become more deeply ingrained. Even when I consciously try to stop using the drugsChemical dependence - resources
Chemotherapy
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Drug allergies
Drug induced hypertension
Drug rash on the back
Drug rash, tegretol
Drug signs and teenagers
Drug-induced hypertension, my brainAmebic brain abscess
Brain abscess
Brain herniation
Brain surgery
Brain tumor - adults
Brain tumor - children
Metastatic brain tumor
Posterior fossa tumor
Primary brain tumor is consciously learning it better and seeking it more. My motivations are truly mixedMixed respiratory vaccine, and I am fully at war with myself. My addictionDrug abuse and dependence has become like quicksand, the more I struggle, and try to use my willpower, the more stuck I become. All the mind tricks and self-deception now comes in to play. Rationalizing, denials, and the seductiveness of "I can handle just 1".

My self-esteem crumbles with each attempt to "QUIT" and I sense how truly out of control I am. I am in the clutches of the enemy, and the enemy is clearly myself. But after 20 years of opiates,herion,cocaineDrug abuse,alcoholAlcohol and diet
Alcoholism
Alcoholism - resources
Breath alcohol test
Delirium tremens
Fetal alcohol syndrome. etc. There is deliverance, but it's not found in a bottle, or a doctor. It's found deep inside your soul and from the help that only comes from above!

All you need to do is ask.



Tracy

Second what ponConsumer rights and responsibilities said. Hang in there, you know you are doing the right thing because it is getting harder.



From my experience though, you have to know when that window opens to go cold turkey. If you feel a little better for the most part of a day, try it, go for it.



Then at least you will still have some meds if it gets way to hard. I got myself to .5 tablets of Norco 3x daily for about a week, then cutCuts and puncture wounds the cord.



I am at day 35 now,