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What's the First Step
by Anhedonio, Mar 28, 2003 12:00AM
I've been reading many of the questions and posts that appear here, and have reviewed much of the information regarding SMART, but can't seem to find what that first step is toward changing my life. I find that my ability to interrupt my drug consumption comes less from a desire to be free of drugs than to reduce my tolerance so I can again experience the feeling of satisfaction the drugs give me.
When I turned to drugs more than 30 years ago, it was in reaction to the feelings of joylessness (anhedonia) that pervaded my life. So in the absence of drugs I merely return to those feelings of despair with my existance.
So what is that first step, that activity or task that is done without expectation, that can precipitate the belief that life is worth living? I'm tired of being mired in self pity, and remaining convinced that life will never hold the happiness of a satisfactory existance.
James
When I turned to drugs more than 30 years ago, it was in reaction to the feelings of joylessness (anhedonia) that pervaded my life. So in the absence of drugs I merely return to those feelings of despair with my existance.
So what is that first step, that activity or task that is done without expectation, that can precipitate the belief that life is worth living? I'm tired of being mired in self pity, and remaining convinced that life will never hold the happiness of a satisfactory existance.
James
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Just my opinion(s), duh, and Like All.. I have them... stinky or not.
~rode WC
And my opion your right on!!! James we are here for you and know exactly what your going through. Please post and keep us informed. We all care about you or we just simply wouldnt reply. At least thats what I think. We care and know what you feel right now, not only we but I certainly do. Im in the same boat and last night I realized that taking my life is just not worth it in the end. I have chronic pain and when I get my hands on any pain killer I take them every 2 hours just so I dont have to deal with the pain and be somewhat normal. BUt not feeling the pain is not going to solve it for me and that is the hardest task i am trying to figure out. I cried in front of my husband last night on the way home cause I dont have a computer set up at home yet to talk to everyone here. Everyone here is my support and the people in here are genuine. Trust me on that.
We ARE HERE FOR YOU.
Please let us be.
Luv-Erika
hey there hope all is well, i too have been down this road of addiction for the last 30 years, im 43 and have 2 kids in there 20's and am a grand father of a 5 year old boy who is better then drugs.
i started useing when i was 12 and really did not stop untill i was 24 , got clean in na for 16 years ,
got surgery on shoulders and had to take percs, did good for a year 4 a day as prescribed, then a few deaths in the famly
,started abuseing then , got up to 15 a day.
While clean in na for all those years i did a lot of learning and writeing about myself and addiction.
one good question was why do we use.
looking back i used because i hated my life.
there werew time when i was just one of the crowd haveing
good teenage fun, but i was different , at least that is what i thought, when i was with the really bad guys i felt like a good guy, when i was with the really good sports guys i felt like
a bad guy.
useing for me was a form of idoltry,
i became my own god and took certian drugs to
feel the way i thought i should feel.
the 1st step for me was to admit that i had a problem and i hated my life and what i was doing and i could not seem to stop
no matter what i did, i seem to need some sort of divine intervention. a miricle you could say.
peace!!!!!!!!!!hippy
step 1 accept the truth
step 2 have faith in the truth
step 3 commit to the truth.
I agree wholeheartedly with Dr. Bozian's comments. Both the medical and psychological aspects of stopping are relevant. Being that you are adapted to such high levels of internal chemicals, it will take you awhile to adjust to normal levels. Of course, if you do decide that life is better using, you can continue to use. However, there are many individuals who have stopped and experience life as better (although the transition period can take months). It is possible to connect with these individuals at various support groups or online. During the transition phase itself you are essentially engaging in an act of faith, that the transition will occur. You seem to have some faith, or you would not be posting. You also mention self-pity. We all have reasons to feel sorry for ourselves, some of us more than others. However, is this how you want to live? There are other perspectives, however bad things have been. One can choose to live according to one's own values, regardless of circumstances (which come and go). This is not about finding some defining event or thought, but making the little choices, moment to moment, that bring us closer to the life we feel good about leading.
I think that Detox is very important, because it can keep you depressed if you are using, and the truth is, you really won't know if you are depressed or not until you are several months clean.
It is all too clear to me now.
Tell me. How often does the orderly come by with your meds?
Wondermom says just like me. 3 kids and no time for myself. I quit before the kids came, no problem but they need me and my husband and I have to say No to this addiction. My concern is that the full time job and 3 kids, is the ongoing stress in my life which led me to where I am today.
I also believe Ultram works as an antidepressant. That is why they don't want you to mix with Prozac or Zoloft. I wonder if you believe this is true. I know it works for pain but it is different than the opiate drugs like percodan. It gives me a lift and helps me to do whatever, when I use to say I was too tired.
I want to control, not live without it but how??
ldjohn