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MedHelp Member's Question

One pill, two pill, white pill, blue pill

by skillet, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
Tags: Addiction
Anyone out there have any advice for someone who has recognized that they have a drug addiction problem, started to go to AA, but has relapsed?  I was doing OK in AA and starting to feel better until I picked up again.  I was prescribed some Percocet and Vicodin for a kidney stone a few weeks ago.  It was like opening the doors to the all you can eat buffet for addicts!  I was able to justify my use for the first day or two, but once the pain subsided I consciously chose to continue using.  Since then, I've started mixing the percs and vicodin or switch to Flexeril and Ativan.  I know that mixing these meds together can be dangerous, but am not thinking safety...just euphoria.  I'm so sick and tired of the manipulation, secrecy and compulsion to do whatever it takes to get high.  I want to be straight out truthful with my wife, but can't stand the reality of disappointing her...again.  I just can't get a bunch of days strung together in sobriety.  I feel like such a hypocrite in AA, sitting and listening to other's stories with which I can relate to, but in the back of my mind planning on when I can get high again.  The progression of drug abuse is only going to lead me further and further down a path I don't want to go down.  I want to regain my own self respect and sanity before it is too late, but I feel extremely stuck in this viscious cycle.  If anyone can relate or has some advice, please post.  Thanks.
Member Comments (49)

by AmberHunter, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: dr. seuss...
i spent years and years in the rooms of NA and AA... i learned alot in those rooms and it worked for me for a long time... i know what it is like to sit during a meeting a know sure as **** that as soon as it ends and the last hug is given out i am OUT THE DOOR!



there are alot of different approaches to staying clean, a day at a time... i was clean for eight years in NA and now have 4 months the amber way... and hope to increase my chances of staying clean by learning more about what the good doc posted for you...



i am not powerless, i know i am not, but put that first drug or drink and me and it sure feels like it! lol!! for real!



this board has been like months of therapy for me and staying connected here with lots of other people who are going through the same thing has kept me clean more than once lately... i really have the urge to drink alcohol come spring and that leads me right back to the opiates...



good luck, stick around, it can be done!



amber

by Erika_Ann, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: AmberHunter
You always have such thoughtful things to post. People really appreciate your posts as I do as well. You have good positive and honest things to say is what we all need to hear.

I just wanted to tell you thank you!



Erika

by NEW ORLEANS LADY, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: AmberHunter/Everyone
You have also been one of my many inspirations---This board is my therapy as I have stated many times--Have you read Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey?--I believe it's more or less the same philosophy as Smart Recovery--Who first deveolped this innovative therapy is irrelevant to me!  The fact of the matter is I have never been more encouraged or empowered!  I have seen many an AA meeting and there are some things I can relate to, and some things I can't!--Soo I'm trying a combination of both!

I've been seeing a book that I want to purchase this weekend called "A Million Little Pieces"--I'm not sure of the author (I'll have to check an earlier thread)--Anyway Amber Stay strong Hon 4 months is great! Read and Post often especially when the "Beast" comes a callin!--Much love peace & Prayers N.O. Lady/AKA Mystere



Anne--(My Guardian Angel Peaz wanted my real name)

by NEW ORLEANS LADY, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: rose39/Everyone
Day 4 whooo hooo--Dear heart you are through the Brunt of it!--I found after the fourth day things began to significantly improve! I have been addicted to opiates for many years and I I've finally gotten it right this time!--I'm not saying it's easy but if you are so tired of the hell on earth produced by those pills and if you are ready to escape from the nightmare this is the place to be! There are so many wonderful people here that answered my desperate cries a little over a week ago!

Good luck Hon I'll check on ya from home! N.O. Lady/ AKA Mystere



Anne

by whatitistoburn, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: Skillet
Oh, I can so relate to your story. I spent 12 years in AA, and then became ill with a chronic condition, enter opiates, and off to the races I was! I was given the good stuff/evil stuff, morphine. My tolereance got so high, so quickly, and I'd sit in my AA meetings high, and acting a little high and mighty. They all knew I was on pain medication, but accepted it. What they didn't know was that I was getting higher doses, by the week, to get high, beyond killing the pain. It was a horrible roller coaster ride, and I began to hate myself and feel guilty. I could not live with the guilt, although my doc, family and friens all encouraged me to stay on the meds. They didn't know I was taking it to get high. I finally got off all pain meds last week, by tapering at home, and feel better and happier about my life and future than I have in 2 years. I also had to get rid of someone I was very close to because he was a drug trigger. It hurt, but I promised myself I would do whatever it takes, and have.



Hang in there, you *can* do this.



Burn

by mrmichael67, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: mellyr
If you go and do a detox at the methadone clinic, do the three week detox.  Three weeks is not enough to get you hooked on the methadone and you will have enough time to do it as comfortable as possible.  It won't be a walk in the park, but it will be easier than cold turkey.....much easier.  Two weeks is too short.  By the way, many business types dressed and ready for work go to my clinic.  I don't look like the stereotypical methadone clinic patient either.  Many don't.  Many do.  I can't speak for any other clinics, but at my clinic, I go in and medicate and leave and drive out of the parking lot within five to ten minutes.

by mrmichael67, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: Pammy
The reason methadone is such a good choice for long term chronic pain patients is the fact it is a stable med.  That means the dose doesn't keep going up at a fast rate.  Tolerance goes up very, very slowly.  Some can go with out a raise in their dose and during periods of feeling better, they can actually lower their dose until the need for more arises.  It would be wonderful if the other agonists shared that profile.

by Trying2Stop, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
It started out to be a good day, and now I am pulling my hair out.  Not necessarily physical w/d yet, but it seems the little one has been extremely hyper today.  Just into everything and I just haven't had a minute to myself.  And I don't have anything for tomorrow.  Not yet anyway.  I thought after the talk my hubby and I had last night he kinda got that I actually feel physical pain, but he must have forgotten that talk.  He's not being a jerk or anything but his motto is if he can't get anything, oh well.  He doesn't quite understand how hard it is to take care of children when you are w/ding.  And tomorrow is the little ones b-day.  I'm already starting to feel the aching bones.  I can deal with those somewhat, I can't take the restless arms.  My legs dont' get too bad, but the arms get awful.  I guess if it gets too bad tomorrow and I dont' have anything I will call about the bup.  I just dread having to talk to someone...I always feel I am being judged.  I judge myself as it is....I don't need anyone else looking down on me.  I just pray the day comes when I am on the other side with you guys who are there....



I sure am glad I have this board!!!

by peaz, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: Anne
The author you're looking for is James Frey (A Million Pieces). I got it this weekend and it's shocking and raw. But in a GOOD way.......I hope you can find it. I went to Barnes and Noble.

  I will post more later, gator--Love ya--Di

by mystere, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
To: Passenby/Everyone
I am so sorry for your terrible loss--This is the place to be for love and support from a whole lotta people who know what your going through with regard to the Vicoden--If I understand you correctly you have been taking 6-8 per day? Compared to me and other people here that is not a "heavy duty" amount but you will probably experience some withdrawal symptoms--Withdrawal from an opiate feels like you have a "Super Flu"--Chills/sweats--sometimes fever/the runs/no energy/ something we addicts call restless leg syndrome (you know it when you have it)--inability to sleep--BUT THE GOOD NEWS-It is only temporary and usually lasts only 5-7 days--I know when your going through it seems like an eternity

Many people here including me swear by the Thomas Recipe--It's a way to cold turkey detox from opiates at home-It is listed many times in previous threads--Best of luck--if you are serious about getting off of the Vicoden then this is the place to be!

I'll keep you in my prayers paassenby-Mystere/AKA N.O. Lady



Anne

by gracie97, Apr 30, 2003 12:00AM
Hey guys, hope everyone is well. Starting day 8 in the morning. Today was the one I was really worried about. Severe pain day, but I made it through, heating pads under my clothes and MIDOL only. Also most stressful day at work (11 hours) since it is financial day for me and everything is going wrong. But thanks to all of you getting me thru, what I believe is the toughest part, the first 5 days, I made it thru-tab free. Thanks again!



Also, found out Rick has a hidden stash somewhere???? That really has bothered me, he says he hasn't touched them, but that part of my addicted brain keeps wondering where are they and why are they still in our life somewhere? I thought we flushed everything. He says, they are paid for and too many to just "flush" -I totally disagree and was disappointed, maybe even betrayed. Oh well, he will deal with it his way and on his terms....For me, what I don't know will NOT HURT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!



PS. The dogs have now had consistent walks (by ME)for the last 3 nights :>) (Been a year since I could say that, use to walk them 2 a day)

by Trying2Stop, May 01, 2003 12:00AM
Well good morning too all..It is 5AM here....does this happen to anyone else...you are in bed, seriously trying to get some sleep, your neck and back burning, arms restless, can't get comfortable, and your lower back feels like it has been hit with a sledgehammer, and the person lying next to you is snoring like there is no tomorrow.  I just want to take a sledgehammer to his lower back lol.



Well anyway hubby found some pills to get me through the day, I am proud of myself though, I only took 1/2 vic.  It subsided the w/d symptoms slightly and for only about 2 hours (getting longer effects now that I cut back) and I just stuck it out b/c I knew if I reached for another 1/2 that would only last 2 hours and by the time 7AM would come I would be out.  So I managed to get almost 2 1/2 hours sleep and went almost 5 hours on 1/2 vic.  I am going to take 1 or 1/2 of one and make hubby either take the rest to work with him or hide them so I will have something for tonight and tomorrow morning.  I am seriously considering the bup. or sub. b/c I can't keep this manhunt up for pills to ween off.  I am doing good with my tapering though I think.  I just can't do ct.  



Well I just wanted to vent a little since the hubby is up there snoring away and I couldn't get back to sleep.  I am praying to god that I can keep myself busy and wait another 5 hours before next dose.

by sundara, May 01, 2003 12:00AM
To: Trying2stop/Doc/Everyone
wanted to comment the taking care of the children thing ... my husband and i have been addicted to vicodin/percocet approx. 18 months to 2 years . .. keep saying we were going to quit .. someone had to go first . (to take care of kids).. he kept saying it would be him .. . i waited and waited and finally realized . . . it would have to be me . . . i had to share my dirty secret with a good friend, because, someone had to take care of me and my kids . . she agreed to be with me (husband went to work).... . went through rapid detox through a clinic . .. as of today i have not had any opiates for 24 days. . . . i can not fathom going through w/d's and taking care of kids . . . .the rapid detox lasted for 4 days (where i needed a caregiver for me and kids) . .there were 27 pills left in the house when i started my detox,,,,enough to get my husband through work until i was well enough to take care of kids and him .. . my husband quit cold turkey . . .OMG - ugly .. . . but to my surprise he has 19 days off the vicodin today . . . i am doing really good, had a naltrexone implant put in after day 7 (7 week opiate blocker) .. . it is swollen and red ..doc from clinic called in script for a steriod to take away swelling