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Why do painkillers enhance my joy of life and better my career?
by Sugarbeens, May 16, 2003 12:00AM
I have been on this board off and on for about 3 years doctor, and this is the first time I have been able to finally post my very own question. I am 48 years old, female, and I am now divorced(4 years) after 21 years of marriage. I started taking pain meds really full-time when I was 40, but, I have had severe back pain since I was 23 when I had my second fall. I raised 4 children and would never have used illegal drugs or drank(except for an occasional glass of wine), even though I had severe pain. My children were my life and I do not believe in doing anything illegal. I still don't. However, I have been on first just vicodin and now I take 4 vics a day and 2 percocets a day. I also take ativan when I have extreme anxiety. I have stopped many times, but, my pain is great and also, I feel so much more comfortable and more joy than I ever did as a chiid. As a child, I was the one hiding in the corner, never talking, and scared of my own shadow. Now, I am confident and people love me. Everyone wants me to speak at conferences and I do so much more for my clients than I ever did before. Yes, I am mad sometimes that it takes meds to make my brain chemistry work, but, my question is this! Am I wrong to continue taking the meds when I need them not only for pain, but, for anxiety. I havedoneso much more with my life since beginning these meds. I take my meds as directed, and I am a therapist and feel because of my childhood experiences that I can help people. My final question, is it OK to take the meds for both physical and emotional pain/feel joy?
R
I was like you with mild opiates for years. Then I ended up like everyone else who posts here. Read all the posts and see what could lay in store for your future. I NEVER thought it would happen to me. I took valium for 15 years and never got addicted nor built a tolerance. Years of coke...no problem. Opiates are a whole different story.
Don't get me wrong. I agree with you and don't blame you for your perspective. I feel the same way, but then some. I am struggling and will be for the rest of my life as a result of opiate use and the permanent receptor and brain chemistry changes.
And you're right, timing of therapies is very important during WD. Here's the recipe text with all of that spelled out. Hope it helps you.
Thomas
Thomas Detox Recipe
PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas
This recipe is designed for cold turkey opiate detox. It assumes that you can get about 5 to 7 days away from your job or household responsibilities during which you can sleep, veg and act as miserable as you feel. Opiate WD mimics the symptoms of the common flu, so, if you need a smokescreen, hide behind a bad case of the flu.
If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.
For the Recipe, You'll need:
1. Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.
2. Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store).
3. L-Tyrosine (500 mg caps) from the health food store.
4. Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper and Magnesium.
5. Vitamin B6 caps.
6. Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available).
How to use the recipe:
Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst WD symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5.
During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom.
Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it.
At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down the next morning, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help.
With breakfast, take the mineral supplement.
As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better.
PLEASE NOTE: If you have any medical complications, first check with your doctor before detoxing to verify that this regimen is safe for you.
Wow, it is interesting because the pain meds do seem to have that effect. One of the known documented effects of opiates is euphoria, feeling good. And yes, for some it can even have a positive effect psychological problems such as low self esteme, depression, introvertedness etc. I am not an expert, this is just based on myself, and the people I have know that use opiates.
However, very importantly, and the doctor stated it very well, there is a dark side. You do build up a tollerance to them. And, like many, you may eventually get to a point where you no longer want to take them and will have a very difficult time getting off them because of their addictive qualities. This is a quality that can not be ignored and I imagine that is why they are not prescribed for psychological reasons. The doctor was very wise to promote other alternatives to getting to the bottom of your problems.
I am currently using pain pills for psychological reasons also. While they do help in the short run, I do forsee a problem train heading my way. I am taking 4x what I started taking to get the same effect, only after 4 months use. And when I stop taking them for several days I already see the addictive qualities - my depression is amplified (and the things that caused my depression are still there, as fresh as the day I started using the meds, I have not gotten past them one bit), and I have trouble sleeping. And well that's it, but those are horrible enough.
I warn you to be very careful, they are not exactly the wonder drug you may think. Take careful notice of the posts in forums like these, of stories (some not unlike yours), people a bit further along on the useage timeline, along with the Dr.'s professional advice.
Kind regards,
Thomas050
Now, my closest friends (friends of 20 yrs) say: You have changed. Are you depressed? You used to always wanna do stuff, be the life of the party, "social director", the most creative ________ (fill in job title here), and now you do nothing. You are depressed. See a doctor. You never want to do anything. (party)
I questioned that.
Their answers were: Now you only wanna stay at home and do nothing. Even when I replied that until we (Hub and I) got DDTD (Don't Do That Dog, our pedigree mutt Pit Bull (sp?):))), that even before the dawg (but AFTER the dope), hubby and I went away almost every weekend exploring all the Gullah culture had to offer.
The friends' questions did not cease. These friends wanted to know what we did now (since we have another child, DDTD- thus not able to leave for weekend forages) and I said, "We usu. eat out 2X per wk/end, go to the beach, mess w/ DDTD, etc. They wanted to know where. It felt like the inquisition.
I would be lying if I SAID that I wasn't happier on a narcotic high at work. But am I as productive now? YES. Am I as successful now? YES. Is my job of equal or better quality? YES Is there pain in my feet and back? Yes. Do I watch the clock? YES
But having life revolve, not around a pill bottle, but around life: music, books, nature, love, pets. That is living. And though Oxycodone/Hydrocoodone may have made me an ENTJ. I am an INTJ. Do a Google or other search. There are 16 personality types. I masked mine for decades with dope. No longer.
Search the net for the Keirsey Tepmperment Sorter II if you have not taken it prior. (or the Breyers- Miggs (sp?)
It will tell you a lot about why you abuse or have abused, about you work productivity/relationships..., and relationships in love and fiendship. (among other telling things)
It might even tell you why you look a gift horse in the mouth without a word of thanks. It is a Very accurate summation (for lack of a better word) of persons' personalities and why they act as they do.
DDTD, Hubby and I may be depressed in the eyes of out friends, but since ridding ourselves ('tho hubby never used, he suffered from My Abuse as much, or worse, than I... so off the 3 of us go, and to my friends I am now "that old depressed fart RWC~," but inside I have never been happier. I can only live today for me and for those I cherish.
Sorry for waxing on w/ little msg.
rwc~
just wanted to say that my experence was the same in the begining
,when i started taking vike's , they worked for my pain , and
had a very helpful hand in taking away depression, and made me feel great and energetic.
after a few years tho the pills began to cause depression,
you could say they turned on me , and began to suck any
good feelings i had right out of me.
i do not know if this is the same with everyone, for me
after taking them for a few years i got no good feelings,
i did not get high on them , i had to take them to just feel
normal , and function enough to go to work.