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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
This community is a place to share information and support with others who are trying to stop using drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, tobacco or other addictive substances. Discuss with others, the symptoms of addiction, addiction recovery, ways to quit like tapering and cold turkey, and withdrawal symptoms. If you are interested in general "chat", please visit our Addiction Social Community.
ESH
by KimH, Jun 02, 2003 12:00AM
I wondered if we could try that again? Will anyone share the positives of being sober compare to the hell of being addicted? I wan't to thank you Methman for sharing your hope. I didn't mention, I am an X herion addict and have been to a methadone clinic for a few years as well. I havent touched it in 4 years but I take ultram by the fistful. Not right now, I have been following the doctor's ween. I just think positive sharing of being sober really helps you get through the hard part of recovery. When you don't see any positive, seeing someone else's does.
I came here about 12 months ago in the midst of trying to stop a hydro habit which began for legitimate pain and progressed to being a totally out of control DILAUDID injecting frenzy after the pain of the surgery was gone.
I first used opiates at age 29 and here I am just 2 months after my 32nd birthday with the OPIATE MONKEY securely fastened to my back.
I was a Registered Nurse with a bright future. I am now a jobless junkie with the realization that I can't come up with this month's rent and the dope is GONE!
So, here I sit with 26 hours since my last oxycontin IV. RLS, Sweats, Chills, the works! The 5 or so times I have detoxed have never detered me from using again. I lost EVERYTHING! No license to practice nursing, No job and possibly soon no place to live. I have no money or insurance to seek professional help. WILL THIS EVER END???????????????
Any thoughts out there? I am out of answers!
James
Prior to using when you were younger, did you have more inner strength? How about hope? Hope for a better tomorrow? Had you given up on feeling good about yourself then?
How about now? Are there any differences in how you perceive yourself?
Those were the questions that I had to answer. Once I was honest with myself, the choice for me was obvious. Each person is different, so it stands to reason that there will be different motivating factors for each of our successes when dealing with this monster.
I, like most, can type to you about how wonderful we feel; how great it is to be off our DOC. Other than posting back, "That's great, I'm happy for you." it doesn't help YOU much.
My suggestion is for you to search inside yourself. Answer the tough questions. Once you feel like you've come to the right conclusion for you, there is only one thing more for you to do. Leap of faith. Trust and believe in your abilities to take back what is yours.
Peace,
Methman
What about SS on a temporary basis I have a buddy at work that smashed into a tree last year; he has to be feed threw a sippy cup, work ****** him over so my attorney friend got him set up on SS he is only 30 just a thought. Kim I do not know anything about Heroin or **** like that but I got really sick from morphine and **** like that it’s been a few months now and I feel great energy’s back lost all the morphine weight I gained made some cool friends here I don’t know what quantifies as success because the only ones that I know personally were pain patients like myself and we had no cravings for the stuff so at least in that regard it might have been easier for us. But it sounds like you have fought an admirable fight good job.
MotoX what’s up Detox before dude? I got so GD sick I am scared to death to ever take that stuff again in my entire life? Email me maybe we can help out somehow the other guys remember you as well I had to take the day off today I broke some bones over the weekend and a few of them are sitting here breaking my balls.
Give us a way to contact you.
My email is ***@****
I thought i was doing OK too!
It only took one time and I was HOOKED again!
Life seems like a big CHORE again.
I was back to riding my Dirt bike and now I am BROKE with no dirt bike and DETOXing AGAIN!
How about let us know what is up with you!
I really want to offer feedback, but I feel guilty commenting on the wonders of sobriety because I am on the fence with pain pill use myself so I'm not necessarily sober.
That being said, I have alot of experience with depression. One thing about depression is that it is a very normal emotion that every single person on earth experiences. Some people experience it more and worse than others and for some it is so severe it's an actual illness that should be treated medically. But the blahs are normal. I found that understanding and accepting that actually helps. And the good thing about it is that it's usually temporary, comes in sperts. If you can ride it out and get thru it, you will have some good days. That's the key, drag yourself thru the bad times, ride them out, and live for the good times. Kind of fundamental, but it helps me.
Next, there are a few things that can help during the depressed times. Prob the best thing is keeping your mind occupied with something. A great thing is to find new hobbies. Reading, take a class (drawing, photography, perhaps an instrument, or (blank) lessons (fill in the blank) - there are probably hundreds of choices). Perhaps a part time job somewhere. Or volunteering somewhere (animal shelter, big brothers & sisters, a childrens hospital, that kind of stuff). AA/NA meetings help some people. They provide structure and support that some find sobriety through.
Personally I like taking my dogs for walks at the lake, and I like reading self help books, relationship books, uplifting religious books, and I think I am going to take tennis lessons. Nothing groundbreakingly inspirational, but just some theory and practice that I find helps me. And keeping busy is definitely a great way to combat depression.
If things aren't helping, don't rule out trying a psychologist or therapist. Talking about things can help also. This is something I have tried, but I think the key is finding a good one, and that may not happen on the first try, as I found out. But I will try again at some point in the future.
Kind regards,
T050
Option Explicit
Opiates for Chronic Pain Management = help many get life back
Opiates for fun = Great then Good then Average then Just living then barely living then dead.
End if
I'd hope that most of us would agree on that.
Looks a little looney in here again. But hey- to quote a great leader, "A little cleansing from time to time is a good thing."
Jess
How are you man? I remember you from when you were posting everyday about your days clean from Methadone. Wasn't that in January or so I remember. Did you relapse? How are things now? I know you are a pain sufferer and I am not so at least if you relapsed, you had a real reason to.
James
Kim- Sorry about the humor in here but if we can't laugh at what is sometimes a dark time, when should we? It will get better for you! Keep the chin up.
Jess
The Cosmic Star Goat is the creator of all things, that is, except, Methadone, which was created by Hitler and his Henchmen as an evil and subversive plot to turn America into a bunch of whining drug addicts.
Oh, BTW, don't worry about Pillman torturing you with his longer than ususal half-lives. He is safely locked away.
cya
So if Bullshitting Then Goto Next if =
If this applies (then apply) or (not)
**** Head.
Why is it the people that always irritate me the most are the ones that are always out of my reach?
Mike if you are pissed that I took your girl you never had her.
. . .and I call you guys that, because no matter what out social strata, our skin color, religious creed, age, sex or sexual orientation, the people here are bound by something stronger than any of these or a million other ties: the time we have spent together in the Pit and under the heel of the Dragon. Like veterans of physical combat, we are the only ones who can well and truly understand each other. We know how it is to go without sleep for days on end while our legs twitch and spasm like we were being Tasered. We know how it is to eat a box of Imodium AD like it was candy and still keep on wiping our asses until they bleed. We know the fear, the pain, the shame, and the feeling like none of it will ever, ever end. . .until our lives themselves do -- and as far as we're concerned, that can't come soon enough.
We know how it is to sit around and think things like "How the hell did this happen to me?" and "I don't even know why I'm doing this anymore". We know the feelings of slavery as we continue to watch ourselves do things that are reprehensible to us, things that we don't want to do. . .the lying, the hiding, the stealing. . .like we are watching a horror movie. We want to scream "Don't go in there!" at ourselves as we head not into the dark attic room alone, but into the pharmacy, the doctor's office, the corner in the 'hood where our connection is. . .but the drugs rob us of our voices, and all we can do is watch ourselves do the same doomed, damned things over and over again. If there is a hell, I don't see how it can be any worse or more devoid of hope than this.
We have gone through withdrawal after withdrawal. . .many of us, after this first torture, are CERTAIN that this will be enough to keep them off of drugs -- that they will never, EVER subject themselves to this kind of agony again. I know I did -- many, many times. . .until I got high that next time, thinking it would be different somehow this time, I would handle it better, that my experience and knowledge made me better equipped somehow as a dragon-tamer. Until, after a while, I knew better. I knew what would happen, and how, and why, and when, even as I took another dose. . .and it didn't matter a damn to me.
I have "mentally masturbated" until my brain was flaming and my ego was sore. . .about the terms "addiction", "dependence (physical and/or emotional)", "motivation", "powerlessness", and on and on and on. No matter how much I thought I knew (and I was probably more qualified than many physicians and medical workers as far as my theoretical knowledge of the subjects of addiction and pharmacology were concerned), it never seemed to make any difference when I was jonesing for more junk or twisting the night away underneath my sweat-soaked blankets. In the end, the only thing worth knowing was that, as far as how much it could help me, all my knowledge -- AND experience -- were worth exactly squat.
From time to time people with more "clean time" than I would tell me things (that is, when I felt like listening and wasn't too busy expounding on my own vast knowledge. . .stroking my frontal lobes, in other words). Many of this was **** that I really did NOT want to hear, thank you very much. . .stuff like "never underestimate the power of your disease", "don't get cocky", and so on. Then I would see people that I knew who had YEARS clean and off the ****, people who had their lives together again, people who walked the walk and talked the talk -- people who had helped ME -- suddenly disappear for a while. . .or longer. Sometimes I never saw them again. That, almost, was less frightening than those I DID see again -- the ones who came back, pale, shaken, and now with less clean time than I, the relative newcomer, had. Like maybe 24 hours of it. If that kind of thing doesn't scare you, then there's something more seriously wrong with you than addiction.
As I believe I stated in another of my recent posts here (and trying very hard not to repeat myself), during my first rehab my group was told that 9 out of the 10 of us would relapse at least once. Of course, I was convinced I was The One, and, of course, I was not. There are only a few people I know of who have an absolute ZERO chance of relapse, and I can mention them by name. . .Jimi Hendrix. . .Elvis Presley. . .Janis Joplin. . .John Belushi. . .and one that hits me hardest and closest, Kurt Cobain. These people will never relapse because they have found the only foolproof cure for addiction, and that is death. It certainly is 100% effective, but it's also a little bit permanent.
I don't mean for this to be a depressing, hopeless rant. . .what I DO mean for it to be is an illustration of the facts as I have experienced them. Oddly, they jibe pretty well with many of the things the "old-timers" first told me when I began associating myself with other recovering addicts. So, in light of new information (and always with an open mind), I present them here in the spirit of "Hey, this **** is probably TRUE!" to anyone who wants to listen. Before moving on to some of the things that get better without drugs (and there are many, many of them), let me also say this -- whether you want to call it a "bottom" or "the end" or "a miracle" or whatever, the only thing I can say, from MY experience, about stopping the use of drugs is this -- it won't happen until it happens. When it does, you will know. There is no set point out there for any of us -- not disease, not jail, not divorce, not physical harm. . .any or all of these things could serve as the key to the cell door of addicti