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My question is this.... As this is my 5th day clean, is there any better feeling than that magical 5th day when our bodies become whole again, our soul is on the mend, we take showers instead of baths, our families exist again, friends are no longer pillars to be avoided and the world seems like a better place? If I could bottle this fleeting few upcoming days I would but I believe by coming to this forum and seeing ths struggles and fight in all of you people I will carry on w/ each of you in my heart. Thank you to all of your unseen faces and words of wisdom ( Thomas , Meth et al. ) Rage, Rage against this evil machine I say! This is probably my 50th time raging, but what the hell, no one ever said I was smart... Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil... yeah right..Keep writing ya'll, I'll keep reading....
Inmytree, don't know about that "day 5 magic", specifically (since it seems most of my withdrawal misery lasted longer than that), but I am very familiar with the feeling. . .that the bondage has been lifted and you are being welcomed back into the human race. The cell door has been unlocked, and the freedom to just walk away is exhilarating. . .but pretty friggin' scary as well. Enjoy these days of freedom, my friend. . .if you put enough of them together, you'll find that they will never really go away. Jeez, that sounds really corny, doesn't it? And yes, you WILL have shitty days clean and sober, too, plenty of them -- but there's nothing so bad in life that getting high won't make it suck even worse when the junk is gone.
Peace,
Kurt
I'm seriously feeling like this is where my addiction should stop and am trying to figure out a plan as to how to accomplish this the easiest way. I'm also taking Prednisone (20mg/day)...so my pain is gone, but my head still WANTS the Vicodin. AND...when I cut back on the Vicodin, I go through high anxiety and panic attacks. (I posted a few days ago with all of this...so sorry if it's repetitious for some of you).
I'm just at a point where I feel that things have gotten out of control for me and I'm using the Vicodin to do day-to-day functions and for the 'high' it gives me. Time for me to stop the merry-go-round and stand of solid ground again.
Any suggestions?
then it is just depression and lacl of energy
*I'm really not a sarcastic person, but I'm totally seriously looking for answers and help...*
As for the Clonazepam (generic for Klonopin I think), it is Doctor prescribed. I didn't even really know what it was until he said I should start taking one at bedtime, so I did some research. Then I came here and see that people use it with withdrawl. I had no idea you could buy that stuff online...and I'll take your advise and not even entertain that idea. I'm trying to stick to my doctors recommendations, but I don't think she knows how addicted I am to the Vikes...I've told her, but she just brushed it off and said "Naaaa...you're not on that much to be addicted". Well, I've been on it for a year now and am SURE that I am.
In any case, does anyone have any insight as to my first question here? Regarding the Clonazepam and withdrawls? (other than it's horrible and then you start in with depression and lack of energy!)
Thanks everyone...It's so great to have a place to get answers without exposing yourself to your family/friends. *guess that makes me a closet-abuser...although, by the looks of my closet, it could use some abuse! It's a mess!!!!*
I should clarify....I see a female GP and a male Rheumy. They are both in the same clinic and are both well aware of what each one is doing.
I'm just curious if you were a doc at some point or in the medical field in some capacity...??? You're very informed and it's so nice of you to offer advise and caring words, just out of the goodness of your heart. Are you here often? I'm quite new, so I don't know anyone.
ps. Thank you for responding to me on my question.
Anne
You said that Clonazepam shouldn't affect my w/d from the Vikes. Did you mean that it won't help? Or that by me taking it now, it shouldn't minimize it's effectiveness when that day comes that I decide 'TODAY IS THE DAY'.
You also said that I should have xanax or ativan on hand for w/d...actually better than the Clonazepam. Right? Where do I get those? My doctor? If so, do I just ask him for it? Will he give it to me?
I've smoked weed, but it mostly made me feel iky...kinda nauseous (probably because when used to smoke it, I was already three-sheets-to-the-wind with alcohol...which I don't drink anymore).
mystere...I'm hearin' ya and I take what you're saying very seriously. That's why I'm here I guess. I have a 4 week supply of 4/day sitting in my bedroom...and I'm thinking that by the time they are gone, I want to be done. This is my hope. I know that some would say to just throw the damn things away...but I don't think I can do that. Not just yet. How weak, huh.
Anyway, thank you guys for your support...hopefully one day I'll be able to return some good somewhere.
Nana