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Re: Worrried about recurring drug addiction after 22 years clean

by cassiemarie, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
I have been clean for 22 years. Started drinking a year ago. Snorting Darvocet the past 2 days. Will not go to AA or NA again. Not sure what has happened to me. Been around my perpetrator of child sexual abuse for 5 years now. What do I do? Should I move or will that help me? I can no longer think straight. I had a seizure two weeks ago from the combination of two medications and alcohol. Found 3 suicide notes since then. Still thinking about it. Cannot think straight. Seems to be no reason to go on. I am in college to become a Social Worker or Art Therapist. How can I do this the way I am? I am also bi-polar with psychotic features. Cannot take psychotic drugs anymore due to seizure. There is no one in Panama City, Florida that I can talk to.

Sorry this is so long. I just feel so lost and alone right now.



Thank you for your patience and consideration.

Member Comments (9)

by orangefyre, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
To: cassiemarie
its obvious your predator is to blame! don't let that subhuman scumbag child molestor ruin something u should be EXTREMELY PROUD OF! if u start using again he has WON! IS THAT WHAT U WANT?

by cassiemarie, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
To: Orangefrye
No. That is not what I want. I just don't know where to go from here. I am very tired.

by ferretsrule, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
To: cassiemarie
There is no reason for you to (now!!!) all of a sudden relapse.

Why all of a sudden are you starting now? You really need to think on this one. Were the holidays bad? Has something dramatic happend in the the last month or two? I cant see it being the perpetrator as the real problem. You say that you have been around him for five years now you were not using then.



If you are alone with nobody to talk to go and get around family or friends. Call somebody and talk with them.Dont let this destroy your 22 years of being clean. For the ones that are just starting recovery like myself it is people like yourself that we look up to and cant wait to get to where you are.

You have alot of things to be proud of and most of alot of positive things going for you.

#1 you have been clean for 22 years

#2 you are going  to college to make something of yourlife

#3 after you finish college you will be able to help people change thier lives for the positive side of themselves.

#4 You are living and Im sure you are a very liked and loved person with family and friends.

I could go on but you get the point.

Throw the pills out drink water not beer and look at yourself and say I am a loved and liked person who has made changes to life to live them positively.

Tell the scumbag sex ***** to get out of your life and get help of his own.

Live life to its fullest and be happy.

Take care

by cassiemarie, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
To: ferretsrule
Thank you. You put things in perspective for me. Good luck in your recovery. You can be clean for 22 years too. I know, I've done it.

by cassiemarie, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
To: ferretsrule
Thought you'd want to know. I thought about what you said this last year and what might have happened. Someone I was going to marry returned my Christmas card --- Return to sender --- and I started drinking then. This gives me a lot to think about how I let people determine how I am going to feel based on their behavior. You take care.

by matine, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
No man. You need to talk to a consler. This form is fine, but thinking about taking your own life is far outside the scope of these people. They can 'hold' your hand and thank-God for that, but the other. There are 'Hot Lines' for that. Call one and just pour your feelings out. They are safe and won't involve the police. DO IT NOW!

by MonkeysWife, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
Please don't do anything to permanently alter your state of well being.  If you would like to talk to someone, I will give you my email addy and you can send me your phone number.  Maybe talking to a non involved person will help a little.



my email is arnoldchick at gmail dot com

by cassiemarie, Dec 28, 2006 12:00AM
To: monkeyswife
I will e-mail you tomoorw. talked to a suicide hotline and trying to decid what to do. Thank you for responding.

by orangefyre, Dec 29, 2006 12:00AM
To: Cassiemarie
Hi Cass! How are you doing? I am really feelin scared for you? Would you please let me know you are still with us???????

HUGS AND KISSES!!!

~Lisa
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