I feel/felt so alone, I am in the health care field,  its been my career for the last 20 years.  I am releived that I've found this site and that there are people just like me here, I'm not alone, and that makes me feel better.  I still fearFears and phobias the night sweatsSweat electrolytes
Sweat test
Sweating
Sweating - absent and the muscleDeep anterior muscles
Eye muscles
Lower leg muscles
Muscle aches
Muscle atrophy
Muscle biopsy
Muscle cramps
Muscle function loss
Muscle twitching
Rotator cuff muscles
Superficial anterior muscles crampsAbdominal pain
Leg pain
Muscle cramps
Painful menstrual periods
Relief of menstrual cramps and I turn into a monster...when I've ventured down this road in the past I've turned into a crazed woman...I fearFears and phobias Jan. 2, when I go backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment to work and have to put on a happy faceFace pain for all the patientsKidney diet - dialysis patients. I know I'll be hating life. I have the L-Tyrosine,potassiumHyperkalemia
Potassium acetate/k bicarbonate/k citrate
Potassium aminobenzoate
Potassium bicarbonate
Potassium bicarbonate-potassium chloride
Potassium bicarbonate-potassium citrate
Potassium chloride
Potassium citrate
Potassium gluconate
Potassium iodide
Potassium phosphate-sodium phosphate and the vitaminsPernicious anemia
Schilling test
Scurvy
Vitamin a
Vitamin b-12
Vitamin b12 level
Vitamin b3 source
Vitamin b6 benefit
Vitamin c benefit
Vitamin d source
Vitamin e. Let me swallow this lumpLumps in the breasts in my throatCancer - throat or larynx
Throat swab culture and pray for these days to pass. I will keep reading the post in this forum...thank you all

Don't feel so alone...and don't beat yourself up too much...it doesn't help with anything...just makes matters worse...the deal is you found your way to some help and that's the firstFirst progesterone mc10
First progesterone mc5
First-progesterone vgs 200
First-progesterone vgs 400 step.



I understand fully about the shame, I'm a 57 y/o professional, not such a young chick..never wanted to get on this merry-go-round and I'm dizzy.



I gave myself a Xmas present of two-weeks to get off this stuff.  I was doing 6 - 8 Vics a day plus XanaxXanax
Xanax xr...and more when I found myself wanting more.  Used to be I do DO STUFF and get things done...just take a pill...that didn't work out too well for very long..we all know the drill.  We get caught up without even realizing what the hell we are doing.



For some, it's better to taper, for me I chose Cold Turkey because I didn't want to go through the taper.  In the end it all comes down to taking that last pill anyway.   I'm on day 10 of detox...physcially I'm doing much, much better, my concentration level is a bit scattered, and I still get those "teethBroken or knocked out tooth
Dental care - adult
Dental x-rays
Development of baby teeth
Development of permanent teeth
Plaque and tartar on teeth
Teething
Teething symptoms
Toothaches clenching" episodes where I don't know what to do with myself.   I'm better.



If you decide C/T make sure you have some kinda benzo so you can sleepCentral sleep apnea
Drowsiness
Insomnia concerns
Irregular sleep
Irregular sleep-wake syndrome
Isolated sleep paralysis
Narcolepsy
Night terror
Obstructive sleep apnea
Polysomnography
Sleep through the worst of it.   It's like having the worse stomachAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Esophagus and stomach anatomy
Feeding tube insertion - gastrostomy
Gastric cancer
Gastric suction
Gastric ulcer
Ileus - x-ray of distended bowel and stomach
Nausea and vomiting
Roux-en-y stomach surgery for weight loss
Stomach fluAmniocentesis
Atrial fibrillation/flutter
Cerebral spinal fluid (csf) collection
Culture - joint fluid (aspirate)
Fluorescein angiography
Flushable reagent stool blood test
Fta-abs
Gastroesophageal reflux disease
Gastroesophageal reflux in infants
Haemophilus influenza organism
Hiatal hernia repair you will ever get for @ 4 days then the it tapers down.  



If there is anything I can do to help just ask.  The people in this forum have been a great source of support.



Gip

LD,

I felt like I was reading about myself when I firstFirst progesterone mc10
First progesterone mc5
First-progesterone vgs 200
First-progesterone vgs 400 read your post. I got help, but I can still remember how horrible I felt and how low I had become. It got to the point where I was eatingAnorexia nervosa
Binge eating
Bulimia
Eating disorders - resources
Necrotizing soft tissue infection
Sweating
Sweating - absent 40 pills a day (yes,I did...in fact, I remember one day when I did 48!!) I was playing "games" to get more, and then spent thousands of dollars paying for them.

I almost wanted to die, I was so ashamed. But there IS help out there. I swear to you that there is life after addictionDrug abuse and dependence. This is actually my firstFirst progesterone mc10
First progesterone mc5
First-progesterone vgs 200
First-progesterone vgs 400 post on this site. I have never been on tis site before, and I just signed up today! Something just told me to check this web site out....WOW, maybe it was to talk to you!

I am not some crazy person. I am a 46 year old mother of 4 girls (three are 23 yr old triplets and one is 29...I have pictures((~,~)) who has been where you've been and felt the same way you are probably feeling right now.

I will leave it up to you. There are some personal things I don't feel comfortable writing about here, so if you would like to e-mail me feel free to do that. My email address is:

***@****

As I said, feel free to write. And if you don't want to, then I hope you find the answers you seek.

Remember, there are a lot of people out there who have discovered that life is wonderful when our minds and bodies are clean.

((hugs))

I was on Methadone/Methadose, vicodinVicodin
Vicodin tuss, percocetsPercocet 10/650, percodanPercodan
Percodan-demi, you name it (no matter how I spell it), for a total of I think 3 years. I actually dnot remember how long , or when I started the road to self-destruction. I DID NOT have surgeriesAbdominal wall surgery
Before and after corneal surgery
Brain surgery
Carotid artery surgery
Carotid artery surgery - series
Cataract removal
Cataract surgery - series
Cervical cryosurgery
Cervix treatment - cryosurgery
Congenital heart defect corrective surgery
Corneal surgery, I had an abusive boyfriend, and that was my getaway. Unfortunately, once the bum was out of my life, I was left with a VERY HUGE problem. Single mom, w/a drugChemical dependence - resources
Chemotherapy
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Drug allergies
Drug induced hypertension
Drug rash on the back
Drug rash, tegretol
Drug signs and teenagers
Drug-induced hypertension addictionDrug abuse and dependence. Not a good mix for sanity. Anyhow to make long story...short. Here I am tapered down for a YEAR by my DEALER/FRIEND to 40mgs of Meth a day until 7 days ago WHEN I TOOK THAT LAST 1.

This is a place you can go to start your road to repair your self esteem, and shed that embarrassment. WHAT YOU HAVE IS A DISEASE! look at me. IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE, I am a professional at a very prestigious University Hospital. It knows no race, no boundaries, no gender, no class NOTHING. Incase you have forgotten, you are, in fact, HUMANHcg in urine
Hiv infection
Human bites
Human papillomavirus vaccine. And you make mistakes, but sometimes those mistakes are set up for you by docs and surgeriesAbdominal wall surgery
Before and after corneal surgery
Brain surgery
Carotid artery surgery
Carotid artery surgery - series
Cataract removal
Cataract surgery - series
Cervical cryosurgery
Cervix treatment - cryosurgery
Congenital heart defect corrective surgery
Corneal surgery, and ***holes.

You have admitted you have a problem, time to follow through. I will help you if you wish.

What do you want to know?

~Lisa

welcome to hell. this is where we are at HELL>BUT also here... is a road that surpintines its way out to? anyplace you want to drive too. Start your engine, ease on the gasAdjustable gastric banding
Bacterial gastroenteritis
Barium enema
Blood gases
Blood gases test
Chagas disease
Culture - gastric tissue biopsy
Culture of gastric tissue biopsy
Feeding tube insertion - gastrostomy
Gas - flatulence
Gastrectomy and...

if the engine fails to start, that is alright. Just try again:)

Howdy...thanks for your post.  I too am in the healthcare field.  Yes, I too have had that inner harsh voice of "you are such a hypocrite...helping people while being an addict..SHAME on you."  Briefly, my story is I had 14 years clean/sober and relapsed on narcoticsDrug abuse because of the developmentAdolescent development
Asperger syndrome
Autism
Development of baby teeth
Development of permanent teeth
Developmental dysplasia of the hip
Developmental growth
Developmental milestones
Developmental milestones record
Developmental process of atherosclerosis
Developmental reading disorder of a rheumatological condition (ankylosingAnkylosing spondylitis spondylitis).  I went cold turkey a few days ago (went for 3 days and stumbled across half of a 10/325 Norco in a drawer and impulsively took it...I shouldn't have...) and this morning is day 3.  Last night I woke up 3 times with my shirt soaked!!! I was so scared when peeling it off and flipping the soaked pillow that my wife would wake up and say "What's wrong...are you sickSick sinus syndrome?" and then I would lie.  I'm not as anxious or depressed as the past few days but still flattened, malaised.  I offer my story to be supportive to those who posted about being in the healthcare field-when in the long stretch of recoveryRecovery position - series I decided to do a career in healthcare as part of the being of service/giving backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment/getting out of yourself concept and now I am struggling with relapse.  It has really thrown me...at one time my career was adjunct to my recoveryRecovery position - series...now that my recoveryRecovery position - series is needing some revamping I have actually been questioning my career choice.  For right now, I need to stay focused, keep my priorities straight, I still go to meetings (despite the fearFears and phobias of fessing up to my sponsor), and will have to come to terms with it.  My biggest concern is down the road if I get a flare up in my neckCervical spondylosis
Head and neck glands
Herpes zoster (shingles) on the neck and cheek
Irritated seborrheic kerotosis - neck
Lymph tissue in the head and neck.
Melanoma - neck
Neck lump
Neck pain
Neck pulse
Neck x-ray
Oral cancer or backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment and I am doing all the right things (taking feldene-a non narcoticDrug abuse NSAID), doing my stretches, chiropracticChiropractor - doctor of chiropractic (dc) care, glucosamine, etc.....and STILL having day after day sharp painAbdominal pain
Abdominal pain diagnosis
Acupuncture and pain
Ankle pain
Anterior knee pain
Back pain - low
Bone pain or tenderness
Breast pain
Causes of painful intercourse
Chest pain
Chronic pain - resources, waking up with a jammed up neckCervical spondylosis
Head and neck glands
Herpes zoster (shingles) on the neck and cheek
Irritated seborrheic kerotosis - neck
Lymph tissue in the head and neck.
Melanoma - neck
Neck lump
Neck pain
Neck pulse
Neck x-ray
Oral cancer, going on for a few weeks and getting frustrated.  In the past, when I've been there I got the "screw its" and called the doc for a script...then one leadsLead poisoning to two and, well, we all know....  If it happens I will definitely have to try something different.  Thanks to all who have posted.  This forum is VERY helpful.

I have taken my L-Tyrosine and PotassiumHyperkalemia
Potassium acetate/k bicarbonate/k citrate
Potassium aminobenzoate
Potassium bicarbonate
Potassium bicarbonate-potassium chloride
Potassium bicarbonate-potassium citrate
Potassium chloride
Potassium citrate
Potassium gluconate
Potassium iodide
Potassium phosphate-sodium phosphate this a.m., I took some benadrylBenadryl
Benadryl allergy decongestant
Benadryl allergy sinus headache
Benadryl cold last night to help me sleepCentral sleep apnea
Drowsiness
Insomnia concerns
Irregular sleep
Irregular sleep-wake syndrome
Isolated sleep paralysis
Narcolepsy
Night terror
Obstructive sleep apnea
Polysomnography
Sleep...it did a good job.  No sweatsSweat electrolytes
Sweat test
Sweating
Sweating - absent last night or legLeg lengthening/shortening
Leg pain
Leg pain (osgood-schlatter)
Shin splints crampsAbdominal pain
Leg pain
Muscle cramps
Painful menstrual periods
Relief of menstrual cramps.  I emptied out my purse looking for a possable stray pill. I will say that the firstFirst progesterone mc10
First progesterone mc5
First-progesterone vgs 200
First-progesterone vgs 400 thing I thought of this morn when I woke up was "I need to check the forum"...then get some coffee!  Right now I am feeling sane, I hope it last for the day.  I think I'm goinna go make a cup of chai tea.  Talk to you all soon,   LDPage

I too have found that this forum has been a life saver.  It is my new "addictionDrug abuse and dependence."



Despite it being words on a screen - EVERYONE has become a lifeline.  I find myself concerned for everyone - knowing that we are fighting this together.  



It has made me wonder when I go out - how does everyone else exist?  Are there more of us out there who just don't know how to reach out for help?  

Happy New Year to all - Happy CLEAN New Year -

Love, Mema

I like you am also a healthcare professional.   Hanging my headHead and face reconstruction
Head injury
Head lice
Indications of head injury
Radial head injury in deep shame.     I guess it doesn't make us any less humanHcg in urine
Hiv infection
Human bites
Human papillomavirus vaccine ... and our demons know no boundaries.  



This withdrawl thing is really nasty.  I don't remember the last time I was truly clearheaded.   VicodinVicodin
Vicodin tuss makes me smart.  I also write and there were times the words just flowed out of me all so eloquently and I'll finish yet another page with a couple more pills.  



I am truly scared...still knowing I'm far from out of the woods, and not nearly so clearheaded.  



Thanks for your post... wishing you well



Gip

i have been on perks and oxys for probably 6 to seven years. i have tryed everything. meth didnt work and the people at the program were not very nice so i only went there 4 or 5 times and felt meth was worse than the perks. i just moved across the country to escape it.i have been tapering for a month. and only have another week. and i know when they r gone im screawed. is there anything , herbal, or anything that can help me through this

lost
on an island

this is an old post. If you go the addictionDrug abuse and dependence abuseAlcoholism
Chemical dependence - resources
Child abuse - physical
Child abuse - sexual
Child neglect and psychological abuse
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Family troubles - resources
Laxative overdose
Signs of drug abuse forum and post you will get lots of replies to help you through this. Hang in there you are definetely not alone in this.