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Daughter is alcoholic...advice welcome
by Grog, Jan 08, 2007 12:00AM
My 22 year old daughter is an alcoholic..have known it for some time and am just admitting it. Her father (we are divorced) is an alcoholic and is toxic to be around...his behavior is much worse than his drinking. Daughter just finished college and had job a month ago which she got fired from. She is having blackouts and sometimes leaves house at 2AM to go out with friends. She seems to have an obcession with drinking. No alcohol is in the house and we do not drink together but have in the past enjoyed a glass of wine with dinner. I am in all kinds of groups including those to help me with boundaries. I am getting ready to move in about 6 weeks to a new house and am thinking of telling her that unless she seeks treatment she will have to go live with her father or somewhere else. She lost 2 friends over the holidays in traffic related/alcohol related accidents and seemed very upset but this has not deterred her drinking (and driving). I am very worried for her but know enough to know you can't make the alcoholic stop unless they recognize they ahve a problem. I want to love and help her but not enable her and am trying to find the best way to give support and set boundaries....would love some suggestions...thanks for reading. worried mom
Member Comments (3)
by orangefyre, Jan 08, 2007 12:00AM
To: Grog
seeking treatment would be great. You would not be doing her any good making her live with her father, they would self destruct. SHE NEEDS YOU!!! Maybe you could go to AA together??? Would that be an option?
by matine, Jan 08, 2007 12:00AM
Exhaust every option. Then cut her off. But keep a long distance watch over her because she is yours. In the end she has to take that first step and help herself. All you can do is be waiting and place your arm around her and help her take those first baby steps. It is called tough love. And man it is tough. I know because my son loved Coke. I enabled him for years then just stepped away. Lots of DUI's later and a stint in jail and he came around and said: Pop's. I stepped out od the shadows and embraced him. He is now doing fine. FOR NOW>I keep a close watch over me and mine.
by Grog, Jan 08, 2007 12:00AM
Thanks for the support. I have been to tough love groups and one thing they told me is not to let her live with me just to keep her from her father. She tried to live with him before and it did not work. I had a conversation with her this evening and told her when I moved she may want to find a place to live...we talked calmly and I told her how much i loved her but that her behavior was affecting me in a negative way and that I also had to take care of my self. I have to remind myself that when I step back I am getting out of God's way so that he can do his work...I also realize that she has to make her mistakes so she can learn...if I stand in the way then I get in the way of her growing. It is very very tough especially when you see destructive behavior. I also know she won't do it for me and that is why I have to work on me and give her consequences for her bad behavior. I was glad she declined going to live with her dad but decided she wasn't going to make my life crazy. For now, she seems receptive but as we know that sometimes changes. But at least I put a bug in her bonnet by letting her know that when I do move, I may not be able to have her come with me..for now I am watching. I told her that if she did get help i would be there. She has been to some AA meetings and I have offered many times. She has also gone with me to church with is a 12 step program that deals with all kinds of hurts and hangups and likes the group. I always invite her and then let it go...I know if I try to force her (as if I could)then it will drive her away. Thanks again for your support and God Bless everyone who is dealing with pain and trying to make positive changes in their life. Your response was very much appreciated and I hope I will continue to learn thru others experiences and advice. Thank you.
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