I know exactly how you feel about suicide!! My first love....he killed himself. And it was the most crushing thing in the world. I didn't know nothing about pills then (which is probaly a good thing) but I did become a serious alcholic, and then one day someone introduced me to percocets. And it's been downhill from there, emotionally I am f**ked up, I have a new boyfriend now, 3 years as of December, and it was all good in the beginning, but I think he is more addicted to video games then any of us are pills? He comes home from work and from the time he gets off til the time he goes to sleep he plays video games, and he yells at me if i talk to him while he's playing and everything. We have a 6 month old daughter, he even gets mad at her for crying cause he plays online, (XBOX LIVE) And it bothered me, the only time it didn't bother me that he didn't care to show me attention was when I was high, I'd take my perks, and clean the house and play with my daughter, I made sure she never did without anything I can say that, but his video games are loved more then I am, he just now is realizing that I have a problem, he was always to blind to see it before, cause he couldn't take his eyes off the tv. Which makes me wish that my first was still here.

LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET BACK,PLEASE!!!!!!!!I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

THANX FOR RESPONDING SO QUICKLY.NO I DON'T SEE A COUNSLER.I AM AFRAID THEY WILL LOOK DOWN ON ME.I DONT WANT THEM TO PRESCRIBE ANY MORE ADDICTIVE DRUGS?I MISS MY BROTHER TERRIBLY.AT THE TIME HE DIED HE THOUGHT I WAS OFF OF THEM.I HAD WENT IN REHAB.NOW THAT I RELAPSED I FEEL LIKE I AM AWFUL,LIKE I AM BREAKING A PROMISE I MADE OR SOMETHING.IS THAT CRAZY TO FEEL THAT WAY?

THANX FOR YOUR ADVICE.SO YOU HAVE DEPRESSION.WHAT KIND OF THINGS DO YOU DO THAT HELP TAKE YOUR MIND OFF OF THINGS? YEAH I AM ONE OF THEM TOO(FOR NOW)WITH GODS HELP NOT FOREVER THOUGH.HAVE YOU EVER LOST ANYONE TO SUICIDE?IF SO HOW DO YOU COPE?THANKX IN ADVANCE!!!!

No, it's not crazy to feel that way. your brother stays alive in you...your heart. You probably feel as if you are breaking his because of your relapse, but he would be so proud that you found us on this forum. It's a first step, baby.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS AND YOUR TIME.IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING,WHAT IS YOUR SITUATION?

I have to go pick up my daughter, now! I've been waiting for this moment ALL day. Baby, read through some old posts, I think I even told my story today as well. But something wonderfullly ...SAPPY happened today, and I have to go hug and kiss my babygirl, and probably cry on her shoulder. I WILL be back...

Yanno, these pill in and of themselves cause anxiety and depression.  Even though at times we all think we are being more clear headed... when I think of some of the things and decisions I've made in the last six months I can cringe.

They do indeed help us to mask emotions.  The deaden emotions as well as the body's capapability to heal itself.

You can keep the best of memories of your brother alive in your heart.  Death is so final... acceptance is part of living.  Ask yourself what he would thing about what you are doing now.

Perhaps that will help you to make a good decision for yourself

Gip

GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS.THAT IS SURELY SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT.I WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY BROTHER AND HIS MEMORIES IN MY HEART.HE WAS ONLY 24 AND HAD A SON OF 2 YRS.THIS MADE ALOT OF SENSE.MY THANX TO U!!!!!!

no, you are NOT alone. i have bipolar,depression and borderline personality disorder and PTSD. and the reason i started doing drugs was to self medicate to go numb as not to feel emotional pain. and if my memory serves me correctly i think its about 50 percent of ppl that use drugs to cover emotional pain so they dont have to feel. (i am one of them)   so you are not alone.

I'm Back, where you at???????

I AM HERE I AM SICK TO MY STOMACH I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO CALM IT DOWN.SUGGESTIONS?

I AM NOT TOO QUICK AT TYPING SO BARE WITH ME.THANK YOU 4 BEING THERE.IS YOUR DAUGHTER OK?

no havnt lost no one to suicide but i did lose my best friend of 15years back in 2001 due to a tradgic motorcycle crash (then his daughter was born 3months after he died) wich realy took a toll on me mentaly. i admitt i used ALOT of drugs to cope but it only made my depression worse in the end. but to help i spent time with my friends family and new daughter that was born after he died n i also went in to weekly counseling for his passing and for my drug use n also started my bipolar meds. good luck

THANK YOU 4 YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT.GOD BLESS.

SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.LOL.

Yes I took mine for the past three months because after 3 surgeries last year I lost my job and my boyfriend. I feel like such a loser. But I remember even before then I am not the kind of person who can just kick it and have only 1 beer or drink, I drink to get drunk and puke. Maybe it is because of my anxiety and panic?

No, you are not alone in emotional problems, I have had my share, baby. But, you are better than that pill...when you are ready you will know. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know it hurts. That will get easier, but doesn't really go away. Do you see a counselor?