Thanks for everyones support! First off nobody has to feel sorry for me.  I completely am responsible for the destruction in my life so I'm not posting to say boo hoo poor me. I posted to get stuff off my chest. Ok so memily, you asked me about protection? Yes guns around me most of the time and bullet proof vest. Next you and vicaddict asked me about a plan to pay the 70g's back? Let me just say this, the people that I owe are part of my group but would never be afraid to take my life so I have to do some dirt again. A 9-5 won't cut it. Vicaddict your name will change trust me. Memily, orangefrye, chem wow coming off meth RESPECT! To chem your friends our just like mine its almost normal to me now. To Ofrye I think this experience has put me closer to god more then ever. More struggle closer to god. To dessertgirl I know what it is like to lose everything I feel ya. Talk to your bf if u truly love him. If he truly loves u he will understand. Their is a lot more to my story and I would love to tell you guys but I don't want people to think I am looking for pity and I don't want to glamorize underworld life.  If u guys think it will help someone then I will share the rest of my experiences. Otherwise I have nothing else to say.