I feel like I am still making steps ahead...just the honest thing is all I have today.  Honesty to the people on this forum that I failed miserably today. But more than that I feel I am being more honest with myself.  I am breaking this down and picking it apart.  FOr the last 8 years I just used.  Never really thought about it.  The last 2 years I knew I had a problem.  The last few weeks that I have been on this forum and have been so educated and so loved by people having the same problems as myself, I AM taking steps to know and learn about this.  I have never done that before and by the grace of God I found this website and that is a sign to me that my inner voice is really talking to me.  

I want to LISTEN.  Sorry I let myself down and the forum.  I hope my credibilty will be something I will regain after posting how I was going to quit today and didn't/ well I quit for 14 hours.  Did I really say that????? That isn't much to be proud of after reading on this forum is it?
Just praying for all my friends here, thank you for keeping me honest.  And if you feel like *itching me out, do it. I deserve it for sure.  I do feel I let you all down. (Maybe a good thing?)  Remember in the beginning for me, it was to be accountable and honest?  That I am doing, the honest part, not the accountable part...otherwise I would be on here celebrating one full day.  This too shall come.  YOU HELP ME JUST BY BEING HERE>

Did you read monkeyswife post today?  A must. Pray for my brain and heart to wake up and live. This is going to do me in or I will stop, there appears to be no way around that.  

Don't think of yourself as a failure.  Plenty of folks CAN NOT do the cold turkey route.   If your usage declined so drasticly then pat yourself on the back for taking the hit on reduction.

Personally, I am not a fan of taper.  But if you can contol the taper...use what you have left to taper even further then you are ahead of the game.

No one ... but ... NO ONE can successfuly dump the addiction until they are ready.   If flushing them seems as though it is something you CAN do... then DO IT.   If using them to taper, the can help to suffer a less severe withdrawal.  Only you know how you are using them and if it all doesn't work out this time.
You will need to pull your self up and start all over again.

Don't beat yourself up too much...try cutting the pills in halves or quarters...

I read an article yesterday that provided a good taper for anyone who can perservere... a 2% reduction a week...even it it means shaving pills.   2% will avoide some of the nightmares of going through C/T.   It all comes down to taking that last pill anyway.. C/T...Taper...or they will get to you one way or the other.

Gip

Thanks.  I am going to flush them.  You made a good point about getting better.  Makes sense to me.  Four over two days shouldn't cause w/d's again.  I hope not anyway.  Thanks again for the encouragement as I am not in the clique.

Bill

I know what you mean, about feeling like you can't do any work without them.  You actually may not be able to, for a few days more.  But you will get better the sooner you can quit.

That said, I wouldn't think your physical symptoms would be nearly as bad after four pills over two days, as when you initially detoxed.  I hope you find the strength to flush the rest.  I know it sucks, but you will feel much better soon and will be glad if you are able to do it.

flushing a few pills sounds like "oh what's the big deal?"  BUT IT IS A BIG DEAL... if you can do it/did it, you just made a giant step to recovery... one thing (of many) that I've learned here is that you have MUCH more internal hidden strength than you can imagine!! It's there, just needs noble acts like "the flush" to tap into it - you will awaken this LION of dormant potential inside you that's just waiting to help you overcome addiction and find freedom again... prayin' for you...   Nefesh

I feel like I want to keep them "just in case"

I know that sounds terrible, but it is SO hard to toss the remaining 6.  I just feel like I can't do any work without them.

Yes Throw them away!!! And your probably will get sick again. I went thru the viscous circle for a year. I finally made it past day 3 and I am doing so much better. YOU CAN DO IT!!! If I can do you anyone can.