My boyfriend doesn't understand barely at all! He's trying too though! Right now, they are hurting so badly to see us going through this, what they need to realize is we can't change the fact that we put ourselves through this, but they need to accept it if they still want to be with us!!!! Talk to her, explain to her you have a problem, and that you still love her but right now you do just need a little space cause you don't want to pull her into what you've created (if that's how you feel)!!! But my boyfriend doesn't understand at all!!! He throws it up in my face at times, and tells me if i fall and make a mistake he's going to take my daughter, I've had the hardest time trying to explain to him that's not going to help me at all!! I think he's trying to use the "tough love" method, that's for those who don't want to change though!!! I shouldn't even be writing on here I'm at work!!!! Hope they don't see all this:~ But hang in there, if she truly loves you she'll come around, their hurting just as bad as we are right now though, I mean not physically and all, but to see us going through something like this, definetely if they've never been in our shoes before in their past, their trying to understand so much at once for something they've never been through!!! I hope it all works out, and it wil!!! Keep Strong!!
Sincerely, strictly me

Damn I can really relate with your boyfriend throwing it up in your face like that. Also the kid gettin in between that must be rough. I tried talking to her I honestly almost want to break up with her because I'm just to sick to argue but I am afraid I might regret it. I have no emotions right now so I need that space from her right now but she just don't get it. Man just another problem on my very full plate.

I do have some insight from the point of view of the girlfreind, I'm not an addict, and have been married to one in the past. I have to take my father on doctor appts. now. I won't be home today. I'll get back to you. It is neither of your faults that your both being missunderstood. Try to do something nice for her today. Clean the house or something she'd like. She needs to depend on you also. I know that your not feeling real strong right now, sometimes a little goes a long way. Remember, she's in alot of pain too.  This is fixable if you love each other.

my was with my kids mom for 8 years and she put up with me constantly using then withdrawing just to relapse again..she saw me through 7 inpatient detoxs and tried her best to support and understand even though she threw it in my face ALOT. but her last straw was when i started injecting..and within a month she left me. that was 3years ago. now even getn a gf is hard..most people dont understand or dont want a recovering addict. in my eyes you are lucky. she is just being that way cuz she loves you.

I went through the same feelings as you, I didnt want anone to touch me or talk to me my husband was more paitient than I thought he would be but he thinks some of my addiction is his fault because when I was on the pill s he hated to see me sufferand would score for me,noone wants to see the person they love go through this **** hell my mom was reday to get pills from her dr when I was in the worstof the w/d from the methadone I do take xanax to keep my temper down alittle and Im having a rough couple of days cravings are bad and worried i may slip, just tell her this is what is best for both of you if she cant or wont help then maybe you should take a little break you have enough going on good luck

thank for all the advice. Crim your right I am lucky to still have her.  I think that's one thing that makes me mad is that she is still around if that makes one bit of sense. Chem I am in that state where I just don't want to see nobody and yes she use to cop for me too. Hopeful mom it is interesting to hear about it from the other side. She has seen me just go down the tubes and I almost feel ashamed for her to see me like this and almost feel like I don't desearve her. I hope I feel like this just cause I'm wd.

It is from the w/d I told my husband to go find a new wife of course I knew he wouldnt been married for 16yrs an dhave 2kids 15 and 11 its the emotions that are in control rihgt now and Im sure this is not the worst she seen you !!! hang in there your doing it and she may just be reacting to your suffering because she loves you feel lucky not every one has someone or any one

S**t your on day 22.  Your amazing.  My husbands addiction was very different than mine and I ALWAYS know when he's up to no good.  I understand he is an addict.  I suspected for about 1 year and then finally it all came out.
Oneway, I went off on him completely.  But not because of what he was doing but because he never trusted me with it.  He tried to hide it from me.  You can keep some secrets but not soul secrets.
Hey, my husband has been really understanding with me.  Maybe because I have stood by him with his problem.  I didn't leave him.  I helped him.  I understand that no one's perfect.  He had a really normal life.  Plus he's foriegn.  Uber normal.  

Anyway he doesn't understand what it's like to feel broken.  I mean really that's why we abuse ourselves, right? Regardless of how we choose to do it. Because we're unhappy and feel unworthy.  Maybe if you just opened your heart and told her she was the only ray of light you could see right now it might turn you into to her ray of light.  She has been in the dark with you but doesn't know why.  That's hardly fair to yourselves.

I hope this helps.  I'm glad to see you posting. I've been thinking of you.  
I'm on day 3 and feeling sooo much better.  A little weak and short tempered but I've moved on.  You will too. You deserve it.

I really wanna tell her that she is my only ray of light because she is, but I am in that zombie state of detox and still have that strange zoned out look in my eyes. I just feel like I can't get my head right to tell her that as of now because right now the wd got me feeling not sad or happy just completely emotionless. Also TN I can relate to being constantly pissed off. I was in such a state of rage from day 8 to 15 that I was honestly startin to get a little bit skitzo, it was like being a caged lion. Man if you can get past day 3-6 then you truly have beat the worst. I'm right there hangin with you in spirit when it comes to get by these wd.  GET RICH! That's how me and my friends say goodbye to each other.

I have not comprehension of your wd.  I CANNOT stand needles.  I think we all deal with our broken selves in different ways.  We need energy.  Some play the victim and suck from others, some become aloof and draw others in and others like you take it.  Some like me swallow it we take all the rage and sadness and **** and stuff in every nook and cranny.  Either way were all connected.  All you have to do is say Your my only ray of light.  6 words.  That will open the door.  You can feel the stuff later right now she's your lifeline.  Did deep and grab hold.

My bf really means well, he does, i don't think he realizes how much it hurts though too! And he is hurting, when i confessed to him he started crying, cause this isn't the first time I've done it to him. I think the reason he throws my daughter in my face is cause he knows if not for him, I will definetely do what I have to do to keep her!! And the feelings here are mutual, I feel like I just don't want to be with him anymore, but right now I need him. If I were to leave (regardlesss if i don't want to be with him) it's still going to hurt like hell!! And hurt is what caused me 2 start popping pills or got me really hooked on them anyway. So hang in there, maybe it's a part of our w/d that's making us feel this way about our partners??? Noone is going to understand unless they been there themself, and she does love you if she's sticking by your side, we can't get upset for them not understanding how we feel if they've never been through it themselves. Then again, they should try harder to understand us, they probaly look at it like we've betrayed them, we lied, and everything about this!!! So it makes it hard on us all, maybe we should wait it out and when we can say that we're fully clean, I mean REALLY clean, we can see for sure or not!!! What are you on day 22? I thought i seen that somewhere? If u are, CONGRAT'S!!!! YAY!!! Then again, maybe it's our unconcious minds wanting us to leave the people we love and the ones that are helping us stay "clean".....the feelings could just be from our temptation? I'm not sure, I'll stop rambling now!!
Sincerely, strictly me

I think u read my mind! Reading that really creeped me out.  Its gotta be the wd that are makin me feel this way about her. I think I almost had the same mental rambling that u had almost word for word.

After reading your posts. I'm as confused as you are, about your relationship. I'm not so sure you want this one. You may be right that you may need to wait until your done with w/d to decide if this is a relationship that you want to keep. I would suggest a counselor, to help you sort out your emotions. I understand the numb feeling, my daughter has told me of that. How was your relationship with her in the past? Do you remember good times with her? Can you imagine them in the future? I do know that if you really want her in your life, you need to let her know ( real soon). Or the damage being done to the future relationship is at severe risk.  Or she may get tired of waiting for some attention. It sounds like you want to keep her at a distance and she feels that. It feels lousy to have someone you love distance themselves emotionaly from you, my quess is that she loves you. I am sure you can understand that a person that loves an addict has severe pain. You are doing great 22 days. She probably does not get it. She's thinking that the the recovery is done. She doesn't understand that there is alot of work left to do. It's healthy to have your own space while also having a strong emotional bond to you partner. *The more loved, safe and secure you make her feel, the more space she will feel comfortable giving you.* Or she may get tired of waiting for you to decide. I personally would not be in a relationship where I wasn't getting my share. I hope I was not rude to tell you my point of view. I stuck with my ex husband through the chaos,with each up and down I lost something for him. I know he loved me,but hated the nagging. I actually came to hate him.  Got tired of taking care of business by myself). I beleive that to this day he has regrets the loss of his wife and family.  I do feel bad for him, but I've moved on and I don't regret at all getting myself a new life. NO MATTER WHAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE, REMEMBER THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF IS KEY TO YOUR RECOVERY. WITH OR WITHOUT HER YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB FOR YOURSELF. BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

I know I gotta decide quick because she is going to leave, I feel that. In fact I think she thinks I'm still gettin high because I'm am still sick. Your right I am keeping her at bay cause the wd got my mind so indecisive right now that it takes me 30 mins to decide if I want to take a shower or not.  So I'm hopin I get my mind back soon so I can make some decisions.

Maybe you could write your gf a letter since she dont understand. Explane all that you feel and all you are going through and could she just plz have a lil patience that she will have the real you soon. If she loves you enough she should understand. Im so glad i told my husband about my bad. He worries about me so much. He even offers me his meds and thinks he is helping. I told him i would never get off of them that way. But he still thinks if i take as prescribed i wont get w/ds he takes his as prescribed, but i took alot of his and he ran out and finally found out what w/d was like. I couldnt see him like that so i went out to my dealers and bought him some, and he said he would never run out again. Now i dont take his. I dont want him to fel the w/d I would rather feel it myself then him since he is innocent when it comes to the pills. Because he is not an abuser like i am. :(

U know what I am gonna write her a text maybe I won't feel as nervous. It is really hard for them to watch.  She use to get me pills when I would be sick. I just want to be normal again.

You will feel normal again. Just keep doing the walk. Eventually it will all be very clear. I'm going to go watch T.V. with my boyfreind, he's starved for attention. I wish you all a good night. You did really good today, even if it's not all clear,you are headed in the right direction. I'm very happy for you.