It is just the wd. You will get past this. Have u tried to exercise that has been helpin my wd. I to feel like my life is over probably because their is a hit out on my life. But u gotta stay positive and not fear the future cause u sound like your saying what do I do now. Now is when u really find out who u truly are and try new things. Now u can finally fu&kin live. Man u made it out the hood u can make it out of the life of pill huntin that life is bulls%^t. I think I'm gonna be killed by the end of the year but I'm still trying to look towards a future and life without pills. Did you voice your concerns with the bf? Usually when people go through wd they usually isolate themselves for a lil while so what your going thru is normal sh!t.

Just some thoughts here...not advise...

You are doing the right thing by not going to the ppl who are into being street pharmacies.   Good decision on your part..I totally understand that.

You talk about a sig. other.  Does he have a car?  Can you drive him to work and then get out with your baby girl for the day and just do what you want... then pick him up from work?
Just a suggestion..

Do you read?  Sometimes going through w/d it's hard to concentrate but you can do that on the web pretty much find anything you want to read.

You can gather everything and anything you have around the house that you don't want and sell it on e-bay.   If you want I can help you with that... earn yourself a bit of $$... take stuff from neighbors, family ... offer to clean basements.. lotsa good stuff... do research on e-baby for similar items and so you know what to charge...it will take some time but all the instructions on how-to are right there.   It will take about $50 bucks to get started ... set up a PayPal account... and yer on your way.   $50 bucks because it cost money .. like $ .50 cents to post stuff up on e-bay so you will need some money in an account to do that.

Plus I can help you do that... you never know ... next year you may be the one on TV telling the story of how you made it happen.  People who are e-bay druggies buy everything and anything.   You may have something that you consider just a dust collector that is valuable.. who knows?  Just a thought!

There was something on the news the other day .. someone was selling snow on e-bay... and actually got bids.

I was thinking of putting a "rent a mom" ad on e-bay in case anyone wanted to have a Pain in the Butt around for the Holidays... she's 85... mannnnnnn... she is a pain.....and just joking of course...but I bet I could have rented her out.. LOL

Since I've been clean, I have found it necessary to clean everything in the house and re-organize....just to know where everything is...it has helped me a great deal.. although it's not so much fun.   As I said...just a suggestion.

I know the thoughts of NOT DOING ANYTHING (meaning drugs) get to be all consuming in the head...drives me crazee and I have a car... LOL sometimes I don't even feel like going out..but when I force myself I'm usually better off.

You can even think about starting to write ... just a journal on your computer... just to take some time up... who knows.. maybe a book in the making.  

Nothing is beyond reach of anyone who really wants it...we all deserve a better life.

Wishing you a day...however you can make it.

Gip

Hello!! I wanted to let you know - I know what its like to be home with children , trying to go through withdrawl - and NOT take it out on them , while the whole time you just want to be alone. Adult conversation and support is what you need and you are in the right place to get that!! Just remember what a BETTER parent you will be OFF OF THE PILLS!! ( not that you were not a good parent on them , -I dont know about you - but I feel like the " wonderwoman mom " on the pills ) - but its not real. I used to adore doing things with my daughter before I started taking these things...and now - if I dont have them I dont want to do ANYTHING!!!!-Thats where positive thinking comes in ... THOSE PILLS PROVIDE SOMETHING THAT IS NOT REAL!!  They have taken over our lives and we need to get our lives BACK. The only way they control you is if you let them. Its all comes down to - whos stonger?? These pills , or me?? Like I have read before, now is the time to see what you are made of , and come out on the other end a stronger , better person. If you can get though this , man , think of what your capable of!! The sky is the limit. We CAN do this , just hang in there!!!!!! Take 1 day at a time and pay attention to the times you actually feel good , and notice each day that those times happen more often EACH DAY - it only gets better each day!!!!

If your really board and if u have aim u can aim me at alpoazie and u can probably aim chem at chemmonster7. I hope she don't trip that I told u that.

ok....sleeping all day is only going to sink you into a depression....get up and get motivated...easier said than done i know...but find something you are good at and make a profit out of it...the ebay thing is a really good idea. Are you crafty? What about writing a book? You seem like a good writer? Is your daughter home all day? What about running a baby sitting service for your friends? And for the friends....you made some reference to possibly going back and visiting with them when you feel strong enough and if they respect you by not using in front of you...UGH!!!!BAD IDEA! Think about your daughter...despite her being a good girl, lets picture her when she is a teenager, would you want her hanging around friends who shared a lifestyle like you did previously and are now trying to change? Me either! Find new and clean frineds...move if you have to. Financially moving can be difficult but frankly, life is far from easy and you are so needed by your daughter to not go at this road to recovery with everything you have is just plan crazy....take some risks and remember you have a community of friends here praying for you and offering support the best we know how!

If you are in the early stages of recovery, sometimes a good nap helps.  I found peace just hanging out on the back porch listening to birds and enjoying the fresh air.  I was able to really get in touch with myself out there.

ABSOLUTELY, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, do you want to associate with anyone that you used with or know uses.  That is the first rule right there.  Being around anyone who uses or that you used to use with is setting yourself up for relapse.  Let them go.  You absolutely have to let them go.  If they are true "friends" and become drug-free then you will meet up again in the future.  As for right now, take it day by day.  Do not put yourself in an envirnment or situation that is going to make you crave the pills or remember times when you used the pills.  You have to put that out of your head.  Do not refresh your memory by visiting old places or people that remind you of pills.  That will trigger something in you head and kick start your cravings.  TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!!!  You cannot look back.  Once you stop using, you cannot look back.  That time of your life is over and you must look to the future.  Look at me, I have NO friends.  Aside from my family and associates at work, I have no friends, and that was by choice.  I had to disassociate myself from everyone I knew, because everyone that I was "friends" with were just people that I got high with.  You have to let them go.  Sure I think of some of them once in a while, but I could never put myself around them because I am at a different place in life then they are and I don't want to go back there!!!!!!

Thanks Guys!! You's are so inspirational....we got some of our tax money back today, but considering my b/f had got audited, they took a bunch of money out of his taxes so now I have to find a really cheap car...it sucks!!! Oh well it's all good though!!! But once I get a car i'll be okay, cause then I can just take a ride, and my daughter is my strength right now, looking at her face and in her eyes makes me want to cry almost everytime. I do have aim....the aim beta one....mine is nenapooh77!!! thanks guys for the inspiration and the advice. I'm not a big e-bay fan, my b/f messes with it more then i do, but I do write poetry!!! It's hard to try to get things done sometimes though cause my daughter is on the go now, for only being 61/2 months she's get around very well!!! And then she's a momma's girl, she's stuck up my butt ALL THE TIME!!! She's bad on the days that I go to work, when I come home and she hasn't seen me all day she thinks I'm supose to carry her all day then! On my days off she's fine though, she loves her momma....it makes me feel good inside but at the same sense it drives me a lil crazy!!! I know that this is something that I can do, it just sucks, it seems like I lost all my friends, which in all technicallity their not really my friends, there was a few times I told certain people hey don't sell me pills or don't take me to get them and they did it anyways. that's not a true friend, I do have some drug-free friends, I am starting to get more aqquainted (don't know if i spelled that right LOL) with people at work! But whatever though....anyways, I'm at work right now and calls are starting to come in a little heavy so I'll write in a bit!!! Oneway and Chemmonster I'll hit ya guys up on aim okay! or hit me up on there!!! Hope my b/f doesn't get mad about that, he thinks i was on here talking to guys like that, i tried to tell him we're only here to help one another and that you guys are my friends and he got over it basically!!! But Thanks again for my angels again brightening my day and making me feel a lil more at ease!!!

you go girl.......