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Question

Just wanted to stop by and see how all my friends were doing and to talk.  Its been a rough week for me but I made it w/o taking a vic..thank God.  Hmmm, to be honest I think the only reason why I made it is b/c I dumped them all and closed out refills.  Sorry, but being honest.  This week has been hard.  Had to really, really lean on God alot.  Dont know why this week was so hard..I guess painful flare up, fight w/hubby, stress at work, uncontrolled eating all added to it.  And my therapist was on VACATION this week!!!  But, I didnt take a pill so all the rest I can work on.  Going to call therapist on Mon and get an earlier appt. Going to try and get some neglected housework done tomorrow and gonna go to church on Sunday.  Its funny, the Pastor just called to remind the kids have black history play rehearsal tomorrow...I was so tempted to talk to him and tell him what was going on and ask him to pray with me...but, NOOOOO; still have the need to keep up this facade like, hey, I'm Vee; I am so together; my life is sooooo perfect.  Such a job..tiring too; but still not ready to let it go.  I need that therapy appt NOW I guess.  Thanks for listening.

gjgjgjgjgjgj · Answer

It is funny how we hide our addiction from everyone.  I hide it from my co-workers, my friends, and my family except for my wife.  I spilled my guts to her about six months ago.  She is pretty understanding.  She knows I was a Coke head about twenty years ago, before we met.  The penetentiary was the thing that made me quit the Coke.  I was in an auto accident early in the morning.  I was doing so much Coke that I was taking four blue xanax to get to sleep at night (late)  I woke up and did four or five lines and it wasn't enough to keep me awake.  Anyway, I fell asleep on the interstate and crossed over and hit a mother and child head on.  The docs say if I wasn't asleep I would have been killed.  The mother and child were severly hurt.  They have since recovered physically.  They will never recover emotionally.  I didn't quit using after that.  When I was placed in a correctional facility is when I decided that I had had enough.  
This just goes to show how powerful drugs can be.

vee108 · Answer

You are so right about drugs being powerful.  Addiction runs deep in my family and although I never did "street" drugs I have siblings who are struggling with or have lost their lives to addiction of coke and crack.  I always used to say..why dont they just stop doing it; why would they do this to themselves.  I dont say that anymore...I now know why they dont "just stop".  I have shared my problem with some of my brothers and sisters and they basically laugh and say, "u call that an addiction".  But, believe me; this is the hardest thing I ever had to do and this experience has taught me not to judge anyone..no matter what substance they are using.

gjgjgjgjgjgj · Answer

I don't judge anyone anymore.  I think that if I am in the shape I am in, just imagine how another user thinks of themselves.  I find it odd that we hide the addiction from everyone when we in fact are crying inside for help.  I feel like sometimes I want to tell  everyone about it so they could help.  My mind is so confused when I am using.  After about 4-5 days it seems like my mind begins to clear.   And then I look back at some of the things I have done while using and I want to go and hide.  I will beat this thing.  I have no access right now and won't have any access for three weeks or so.  I am hoping that three weeks is enough time for my mind to begin thinking correctly.  Maybe the cravings will be gone by then.

vee108 · Answer

I hear u; but I have one suggestion...if youre waiting for a refill or whatever access youre waiting for... cancel it.  It does get better, but in 3 weeks it will still be too soon to face the temptation.  More than likely, unless your life is perfect, something may happen to trigger a craving..and then what?  Make it easier on yourself...cancel now while your resolve is strong and the early days of w/d are still fresh in your memory.  We addicts seem to forget really quickly the agony we go thru trying to come off of these things.  In 3 weeks u may have forgotten the chills, sweats, upset stomach and the pain...u may say... its OK to take just one now.  Its been over 3 weeks for me and I know that after the week I had; I would have popped a pill and called in a refill already if I could....I mean, hey, we're only human.

gjgjgjgjgjgj · Answer

Thanks for the advice.  It makes soooo much sense to cancel any chance of procuring some more of the pills.  You are correct, in three weeks the cravings will still be here and I will have forgotten the w/d's.  You have turned a light on for me.  thanks again.  Great advice.

JOE

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