Now I'm crying maybe this is what I needed.  I feel like **** physically and I'm mad at my husband.  I'm mad at myself.  I don't want to go to the park today. I'm tired and I don't feel good.   I'm not going to call my kids in a cook lunch if they're hungry they can come in and then i'll put something on.  Pull it together. FU.
Just venting.

feeling the same way too much lately im tired of this ride and want to get off im also very worried about oneway,we usualy talk all day and not to hear from him isstrange I hope you feel better

he's in a haze when I picture him he's in a dark place and there is too much noise, interference.

Keep venting--all day and night. We are here and WE LOVE YOU. I will stay on as long as you WANT or NEED.

Jessica

you know I feel the same way im sure he is using hopefully he will call me or aim me at some point it may sound weird but i miss him, we understand each other as we live the same lifestyle he tells me I should tell you all my whole stry maybe I will

I'd love to hear it.  I have felt connected to him from the moment we posted.  After speaking with him i understand why.  Now that connection is very weak.  I'm not worried though.  He's made a choice.  Why does he say you should tell me your story.

he said I should tell you guys on here because , i said I dont thinj many people like me on here, he said my posts have gotten short and cold an dif I told my whole story you guys would understand me more who knows, as ive said before ghost of the past haunt me and always will today is not the day to tell it im too upset

HUn I am sorry to hear of your bad day. I was this way yesterday and I am ure it will return again today.

All I did was cry, post, cry, post, cry..cry...was awful. My stomach just sank and all I could do was cry. Then I was begging god to please make this stop for me and everyone here.

You have been doing so great! I mean that. YOu have helped me through some VERY tough days/nights my friend. I only hope i can do the same for you.

The ones around us who do not understand is a horrible feeling. I know I am blessed with my best friend. But not all of my friends would be the same way. I chose my best friend and decided NOT to tell any of my other "close" friends. Peoplpe who say just get over it..it isn't that they don't care it's just that they do not understand. Has your hubby read anything here in the forum? I don't remember if that was you I suggested that to or someone else. But either way..I do hope he can get a better understanding of what it is your going through. Not only the addiction but you have LEGITIMATE pain  as well. Thus making the decision to take a pill even harder because we feel guilty, or for fear of falling back into the hole we are trying so hard to come up out of. It isn't an easy thing to do. Not at all. And anyone who says "just Pull it together" needs to be a little more patient and more understanding. I don't mean any offense to you at all. I am sure your husband is great..but like I said it takes someone to understand TOTALLY what we go through in order to be able to support us the 100% all the way that we need. No matter how long that takes. We all are here for you my friend..and will be for a very very long time. Keep posting..do what you have to. We will listen. I know how hard it is to TRY and be that Mother you want to be and ARE to your children..and when we feel this way and don't want to do anything but sleep or withdraw we get the "guilt" feelings as well. But you also need to realize that this is NOT YOU everyday. This is NOT YOU 24/7..if you need a day off..hun you definately deserve it.

HI my friend;
I am saddened by your post. You have helped me also alot through some very tough times. Of course everyone here likes you..what would make you feel that way hun?

I will tell you this:
No matter what it is you are going through....that is YOUR choice to share or not to share. I honestly do not beleive knowing or not knowing your whole story hun makes anyone like you less or more.

You are here with all of us, and in this with all of us. We love you the same as anyone else here hun.

Please do not feel this way! Also know if you ever want to share your story I would gladly listen. It doesn't have to be in forum it could be e-mail, messanger, whichever you would like. I know none of us "know" one another on a personal level..but I do know the time we have spent here we get a pretty good idea of the person we are speaking to. And you my friend I think are a wonderful person, I never got the feeling you were cold at all.

I hope this helps you through your day...and remember I am only a few letters on the keyboard away! If you would like my email it is:
luv_my_labs***@****

Blessings and thinking of you my friend;

Tracy

I'll be waiting and thinking of you.

thank you for your kind words, I m just having a hard time an dIam so over it just when I think i feel a bit better I crash again an dafraid of giving in to my weakness wich seems to be clawing at me non stop I know all are going through this in someway or another will it ever stop?

You are more than welcome. I ask myself the same question everyday. From ones who have gotten through this they do say it does, and are here to prove it. :)  I have to hold on to that or I will fall again.

WHen we have extra stresses in our lives man it makes this whole ride even more of a nightmare. I know that all too well. I am a "dweller" always have been, I also am an "overanylizyer" (sp?)
ALways have been that way to. I am a "worrier" compulsively on all of this.

The pills seemed to help with that, and only in the beginning.  but I know before those I was the same way and did it then. I can do it now w/o my sidekick. But seems so impossible at times I know that. I have had an "issue" for about 5 years now. I have never let it go. It still eats at me everyday. Not as much as it use to but it still does. And when things get bad...I turn and think about that alot. It could be something else and it triggers me back to thinking of this issue I have. Even though it does not "consume" me as much as it use to, it is still there. I have alot of anger in me, alot of sadness, and it all snowballs. I don't know of your situation but maybe you can relate. Just sharing my story in hopes that it may click with you in some way.
I was in counseling for about 3 yrs b/c of it and that helped me tremendously. But our thought process seems to backfire alot, at least mine does. I do deal with it better now a days, but like I said I know it is there and someday I have got to let it go. But right now I can't. Then I have these pills ontop of this and I guess I am trying to tell myself deal with this first...then eventually deal with the other. I just am not sure that will ever go away. I was hurt bad, and it never faded. SOmeday I will share the whole story. But I hope you can relate a little and feel a little better right now.
Huggs my friend
Tracy

I too have been wodnering where oneway has been. Now I am worried as well. You talk with them daily and haven't the past few days?
I am sorry hun..I know that they mean alot to you and help you through alot. Maybe he will post today.

BUt like I said feel free to email me anytime hun. I will listen.

Take care of YOU today my friend.

Tracy

how is criminal doing have seen him on here either, I am not sure about oneway we were mostly talking on our aim on and off most days but last time I talk to him was thursday morning i know he logged in late thurs but iwas out when I got home he was gone so i dont know as you talk about issues I have lots and anger issues also , if you met me face to face you would not like me. I have kept few friends but the ones I have are like you very caring and always seem to forgive me.