I'm checking in with a bit of regret.  Yesterday was a ROUGH day.  I finally gave in after my hubby got home.  We talked and after 4 tylenol, 1 ibu 800, a lodine, a walk and 2 showers.  I could have a pill.  That's our agreement tears = pill.  But I took 2 not 1.  I don't feel bad about 1.  I feel bad about the second 1.  I didn't need it.  That was an old habit.  
Now on the upside (this is my nature).  That second pill lifted me just off the ground and if felt HORRIBLE.  HORRIBLE. HORRIBLE.  Like I was here but not really.  Why is this a plus well because I won't do that again.  Being off of these things for 2 weeks has really helped me to see what is real pain and what is wanting to be gone.  I'm finally getting the house in order.  No tail wagging the dog stuff.  I don't want to lose that so I'm going to write a letter of apology to myself and those around me burn it in the fire place.
Now on another note.  Yesterday is the first time in over a week that I had ANY type of refined sugar. I got the kids doughnuts in the morning and had one myself.  My friends came to get me for breakfast about 1 hour later and I was feeling bad by then.  I'm wondering how much of a role the processed food played in my pain yesterday.  I'm really careful about what I eat. 90% of it is organic and I cook everynight.  No canned veggies, all fresh.  I  even try to avoid rice and potatoes. But I was throbbing by 11:00 joints muscles everything.  
Just a general question.  Does anyone else notice this.

On my way out the door but WILL respond later -- keep your eye on this post for my ersponse, ok? It's gonna be OK.

Hugs! Jess

I went thru the same thing Thur.  When I first decided to quit the first few days I did a taper.  I think it was New Years Eve.  Instead of my usual 2 I did 4.  I felt like ****; not the usual buzz I got, not the usual feeling of "ahhhh" more like a feeling of disappointment.  I mean, it did stop the w/d I was feeling but I didnt feel like I used to when I took them.  This is because our concious is not letting us enjoy what we used to love so much.  We know it is wrong and that takes away from our high.  I thought it was a great, enlightening experience.  I think we kinda need that experience to let us know that popping pills is really not going to do it for us anymore.  Dont think we, me personally for sure could have really moved on without that experience.  Definetly agree with u on the diet thing.  I know that I'm bringing alot of my pain on myself..also my high BP.  I'm not supposed to eat salt of course and fried foods, fatty foods, white flour and rice and alot of sugar...it causes flare ups for me.  Of course, this has been a reg part of my diet lately.  Am I subconciously trying to cause flare ups to give me an excuse to be in pain and then have to take pain meds?  I know this wont work unless I'm truly honest with myself and I gotta get honest about this.  Gonna talk to my therapist and really examine that this week.  This crazy eating has got to stop.  So, I think yeah..some of us are having the same problems right now. (as usual..LOL).

Hey saw your reply to my post and want to thank you for listening but I would also like to make it clear that I don't have marital problems.  I'm sorry if I implied anything other than that.  I think what happened yesterday is he wanted to go out and I didn't and because I was not taking pills to disappear I was able to see what was really going on and sent him on his way.  He came home happy and was then able to help me.  Now after our converstation from the night before the "pull it together one" , not one time last night did I have to battle the kids by myself.  He was right there with me.  This is because I told him in that conversation that I felt like I had to do it all myself.  He's a quick learner and I'm a good communicator and because of that we have a great marriage.  If I sound defensive I'm sorry that is not my intent but he is my soul mate and I would never want anyone on this forum to think anything other than the best of him because he has been the better part of me and I him for 12 years.  

Having said that, I saw earlier that you are a counselor of some sort I can't find the post.  I would be very intersted to hear your opinion of a question  I asked last week and that is when you are in legitimate pain are you allowed to take a pill.  

After looking at my yesterday I see now that I most likely brought my pain to myself by eating the sugar in the morning I can't find any other reason.  I woke up feeling like a million bucks.  My sleep pattern has returned to normal, sex has returned to normal(thank god).  I didn't do anything physcially strenuous.  It had to be the doughnut or the potato.

Sorry about the TM..my earlier post was for u Thursday.  Gotta get some coffee in me..LOL

Hey thanks.  I'm sticking to coffee today and maybe a sf yougurt.   Last night I made whitefish with steamed brocolli.  Tonight I'll do some shrimp.  I've some tomatoes and spinach and avocados so I'll have that for lunch.  
Amen to being in the present to see how the little things trip us up.  My mom and I have had this same conversation.  We both believe that we are responsible for all the pain physical and mental that we bring to ourselves.  So when I look at my sitch I've managed 3 pills in 2 weeks.  2 were what i consider legite.  Looking back this morning and having this conversation it seems none of them were.  So I'm going to keep that little nugget close to me today and look at it.  
I'm don't carry a lot a baggage, it's a pain in the ass and it's heavy,  I certainly don't carry trash.  So I will also carry with me the spirit of forgiveness today.  Beating myself up will not help but love always does.  
Thanks

Amen.  I used to be and still sometimes can be one that struggles with guilt and baggage and I can be really hard on myself.  Sometimes I can still be that 10yr old who wants everyone to think shes the perfect little girl.  But, I've been praying about that...and I've come to learn not to beat myself up.  I think that what we go thru happens to TEACH us something that will prevent us from possibly killing ourselves down the line.  I try and take each lesson and turn it into something positive.  Like, OK..now that I had that experience and had to go thru that I now know not to to do THAT again.