Does this mean I start over?

Question

Well alrighty folks.....I had a really rough night last night...No, I didnt pick up oxys or whatever we want to call the little devils in our lives...however...I did take some pills....
I wanted to go to town last night...cuz Im out of weed.....And I live far away...Granted I can take the bus however its a half hour walk to the first bus stop.....And cash I have none of...So I asked for a ride...and was told no....just off the hop...Whatever....So I was a little pissed actually alot pissed...and No I didnt break anything..Thank God....but I took a couple of things...so I would get so drugged up I would fall asleep........

I had a rough sleep ....I felt that....I woke up hurting as hell...Like I would have if I had been doing oxys for a few days.....I had chills last night, but then I was sweating.....I woke up with ahuge headache...maybe I am hungover...

So am I starting all over again here...or what the hell do I call this? Oh ****....I hate this.....There has to be another way to quit...

Already I am edgy....I want to break things...how the hell am I going to do this..Move back to the city? maybe I should just leave here..but then go where....I know this is part of the emotional roller coaster...but hell......its rough.....I am pulling out my hair today..and I dont even have weed still to help with these edgy feelings.....What do I do.....

oxysbliss · Answer

Well no one is around...So folks..I am going back to bed....I feel horrible...

ArlingtonAddict · Answer

You asked what to do, you said you don't know what to do. The thing to do is NOTHING -- in a way.In that, you are doing everything you should be doing -- trying, fighting, TALKING, getting HONEST with yourself. Meaning, acknowledging your problems, accepting and owning them -- this is NOT easy. Us addicts often think we are 'weak'. What we fail to acknowledge (or recognize) is that it takes an INCREDIBLY STRONG PERSON to face up and DEAL. In some ways, we are lucky (us addicts). Our problem is obvious, our bottoms quick. Some people go FOREVER with issues that they never recognize (don't understand why they are unhappy). I always thought people in AA were so dumb for talking about being 'grateful' for being an addict. But, ina way, I kinda see as we addicts have PLCES to go (meeting, therapy, AA, whatever), in so doing we are able to find and fellowship with others struggleing with the same issues, there are recovery paths already forged that we can follow, places like detox and hosp. for those who want or need them.

If possible, you need to do the following today:

1. Take a deep breathe.
2. WRITE TO US and much as you NEED and WANT to.
3. Focus on this today -- venting, fellowshiping.

Let us help you weather today. I PROMISE you  (YES--promise) that if you don't use today or tonight you WILL feel better. If you DO use it IS OK, I just can't promise that you'll feel better (kind grin). However, whatever today may bring, I CAN promise we are HERE no matter what.

Does this mean I start over?

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