I know exactly how you feel. I am pain all the time. I got off of vicodin from being very stong willed. I can feel I really need strong pain meds. But I have to stop relying on them for everything. I should deal with the pain my self and try to overcome it by will rather than vicodin.
I was on pain meds for a medical reason. I have a back that needs suregery plus have spodilitis which is a type of arthritis that is similar to RA except it attacks the spine. I honestly don't know what I am going to do. I am 12 days off all pain meds and hurt bad. I forgot how much it did hurt. Today has been the worst I can't even lay down, stand up strectch.
What is keeping me going is I am changing my life style to each better...lose 30lbs, exercise and do whatever I can to change my pain. If all fails get sugery and if that fails reconsider options. Opiates are easy, but they stop my life and my spirit. I am not in my body. I wish I could have the pain relief without the mood altering effects.
Some people need meds. I hope it isn't you or me!!!