We have not had an intervention as of yet. He has an appointment with another doctor tomorrow. I plan on going with him and discussing the issues with his medication and see where that goes.

Good morning Columbia,
I read your last comment and I think bring family in for an intervention would be a big mistake. I think he would look at you as betraying him and he will turn on you.

AL-ANON is a good start for non-addicts.

It is your relationship and you have to do what you think is best.

good luck

Please let me know if you had your intervention and what happened?

I want to thank all of you for your help. I really can't talk to anyone else about it. I tried talking to my boyfriend again last night and though he acknowledges he shouldn't be doing what he's doing, he's convinced that all the problems in the world right now are stemming from my attitude and have nothing at all to do with him. I don't get very far with him when he's like that. I have thought about calling a family meeting (or intervention) and confronting him. I'll probably be singled out for embarrassing him, but right now I just want whats best and can't worry about what it will do to our relationship.

Columbia may I ask a personal question please?
How old are you, and how long have you been in this relationship?

This is really hard. I've been walking around on eggshells trying not to do anything to irritate him, but he always finds something to fault me for. I've become something I hate in other people, a wuss! I've been worrying about him leaving me when I think it should be the other way around.

I think that if I mentioned detox, or coming off his meds he would tell me that it wasn't that bad. He also tells me that I blame everything on his medication and that he's just reacting to what I'm doing wrong. How do I argue with that? I'm so emotionally exhausted right now. He twists things around so badly that sometimes I start believing him. I'm going to need just as much help getting back to normal as he will after this.

Hi and welcome to the forum,I feel your pain ! I too have an addicted spouse (soon to be ex)what I suggest is take care of yourself first,come to this m/b there are a lot of careing people here that will help you. It is not YOU,you will come to find out addiction will control a persons mind,they will do and say things that you would never think they would do,If you can get your bf to come here and read some post and talk to people that may help,I feel the first thing that needs to be done is get your bf to admit he has a problem.Not to scare you but you must know it will only get worse,I have been trying to help my wife for 9 months it is at a point where she has moved out,just walked away from everything,at one time our family was the most important thing in her life,now it is pills,be strong it is not your fault!you can not help someone until they want help,as long as you can talk to him keep talking,but take care of YOU first!come here and talk,it has helped me to understand ,we will always be here for you.
                Tim

The sad thing is, is that no matter what you say to him when he is mad or in a rage he will say it isnt that or like you said he'll say it is you. Try not to let that get to you. If he breaks down and starts to cry or something because it gets so unbearable, be there for him. (This is when he will listen) and tell you love him and gently explain how you dont feel he is the same and you miss him even though he is right in front of you. Tell him if he is miserable only he has the power to change it and you will do what you can to help. (im sure he knows he is miserable because he is addicted deep down) If not you may need to tell him. If it gets bad enough you should leave him. Not permemnantly, just for a day or two. It will make him realize that he lost something he wants/needs. Then he will probably be begging to high hell to get you back. Now you have the upper hand and you can say I love you I dont love who you've become and If you wont quit for me I need to move on. Also he is probably addicted to alcohol too if he drinks nightly. Now Mam the last thing I want to do is scare you but the reason all these people are dying from oxycontin and percocet and methadone and all these painkillers is mostly because of the mixture of alcohol or other drugs. Him drinking on his meds is a bad call. I just don't want you to wake up to a deceased love. It's horrible. I once woke up to the ambulence in my good buddies driveway. they said if they would have gotten there 30 seconds later he would've been dead. Most arent so fortunate because everyone just thinks the person is sleeping in until they try to wake them. I feel bad for having to say this but i dont want it to happen to you. I HATE hearing about people falling asleep and not waking(that is how it happens). Any questions let me know. I was in that irritable state and blamed it on others as well for a whole year so I can probably help you a good deal. Best of luck!

Columbia, he knows
He understands he is in trouble, he knows that he is hurting you, he knows his business is going down, he knows he is hurting his family, he knows he is miserable but because he is an addict he can't focus on anything besides his meds.
As I said your husband was me as close as one year ago.
Unfortunatley many addicts have to crash and burn before they decide to change there life style.
I will tell you this if you keep it status quo you will remain one of his victims.
You need to do what ever you have to do to get him into detox and then a drug counselor.
You have to be strong, your head is clear remember he is not the man you used to know!!!!
I hope these words are not to strong for you and scare you, I don't know you or him but I understand fully the man he has become.
Don't be afraid to fight to get the old guy back!!!!

I am 36 and we've been together for 7 years.

Columbia I feel your pain and what is worse I understand his too.
Dealing with an addict is a freddy Kruger experience for most. If you don't hear the voice that an addict hears how can you understand?
Columbia if you truely love someone you have to do things that you know are very difficult but focusing on the long term goal will fuel you to get there.
I think I am a very good person, compasionate, forgiving and knowledgeable. I also know I was a great liar and actor as an addict. Today even if painful to myself I tell the truth and addict does not!
Even if you have to threaten to leave him unless he gets help as yourself this. Do you really want to live in the world your living now with him as things are?
The pain in your words tell me NO!
Another thing I want you to know things will get much worse with you and him if you don't do something to change it and worse will be ugly.
Are you also willing to live this way?
Please don't think I am trying to hurt you in any way with my words I don't know you or him but I do know and understand an addict.
Your 36 years old please try and look at it from this perspective..if you just met this guy today and in dating you see where he is in his life would you commit to a relationship with him?

You are right you will need help as much as him. I would go to AL-ANON. They can tell you what they would do or did. They can also give you support in whatever you decide to do. He has to see his addicition for himself, and it admit it to himself before he can get or receive help. Untill then, no-one or nothing can change him. The first step in 12 step meetings is admitting that we were powerless over whatever has control of us, be it drugs or alcohol.

Columbia hi,

I agree with Dpilot AL-ANON is a good place to start to get information to help you understand addiction.
I am a special consultant with AL-ANON but also think that those conversations should be confidental.
Find out where an AL-ANON meeting is in your area and go.
I wish I could talk to you but I'm not sure if that is ethical here.

Exactly what you just said...he is being "irrational" and you cannot get through to someone who is in that state of mind...trust me...been there done that! I blamed everyone but myself for this addiction and could be the meanest and nastiest person to my loved ones...I still cringe when I think of some of the things I have said.  You REALLY need to help yourself...I know you love him and want to be supportive but there is only so much one can do until we realize on our own how the addiction has changed us and how we behave towards others!

When he is going through one of these irrational episodes, how do I get through to him? How do I let him know that it's the addiction taking controlling of him and to stop blaming me for everything? He seems to be getting a little paranoid about what people are saying and thinking of him and that definitely isn't helping matters.

Don't blame yourself at all!!! It sounds to me that addiction has reared it's ugly head!  All the signs are there and your boyfriend, certainly not to excuse him, may not be feeling good about himself and we always seem to take things out on those we love most...crazy as it is!  From what other people have said, you may want to try Al Anon and share what other people with addicted love ones are going through. And this forum has people in your shoes as well.  I'm no expert at all but he's the only one who can make the decision to help himself...you need to take care of YOU first. You are not to blame in this, you are not forcing the pills and alcohol down his throat!

Dear Columbia,

  I thought you were talking about me. Your words reflected my X wifes words exactly to all the valid points that you made.
I also blew my L-5 S-1 lower disc out and eventually had surgery but these things heal to the point where there still might be pain but Motrin can make it manageable.
Your dealing with an addict and one of the side effects of narcotic pain meds is irritated at the world personality. His pain is much deeper than his injury, depression, back pain, addiction all go together. If you don't stop this cycle he will loose everything important to him and his final focus will be medicating the pain either by alcohol or pain meds and I can tell you from being there that is a nightmare to everyone around him.
He needs help, if he has insurance detox and a very good drug Counselor is the way to go. It will be difficult for you to get him there but the alternative really sucks!
Good luck