You are in my prayers.

I was on the 75mcg patch for over 2 months about 2 years ago. Detoxing was hell on wheels on that go round, but these damn lolipops are right there. just like pills, want more, take more. At least with the patch I couldn't cheat very easy, sometimes I'd put on a new one after 2 days instead of 3, but that was about the extent of it. I'd tell the doc that one washed down the shower, or fell off while I was hiking. That led me to quit them actually, I had huge guilt from pulling that nonsense. Wen C/T off them and went to darvocet, which didn't help at ALL with the w/d's, but I made it. Now after my last severe bout i went from darvocet to perco's. Those damn things had me thinking of new and interesting ways to kill myself, so I tol the doc to put me on Fentanyl, but not the patch (previous w/d's) He put me on the Actiq's and I thought all was well, and it was, until my oncologist said that April may be the time to start with chemo, and that there was a little better than 50/50 odds I'd live thru it, and even if I did, it wouldn't cure me. Best we could hope for is a long remission 8-10 yrs. Then I got the BETTER news that I'd have to sit in a hospital for 3-6 months in a sterile bubble, while the chemo completely wipes out my immune system. After getting that news I found it hard not to put lolipops into my mouth to escape as well as help the pain. I thought much like you that if I just did it for a bit, I'd be ok. I have never been more wrong. So I have cut to 7 today. My goal was 4, and redid the goal for 6, and then had some nasty tooth and eye pain and did 7. But that is it for me today. I have to go to work in the morning, and I am scared sh*tless. I am going to do it. I have to do it. I will do it, and then at 5:00 I will use my 1st of the day, and probably a 2nd and 3rd. But that will be it! Wed my goal is 2, thurs 1 and friday 1. My goal after that is to never go above 4 again! Of course my goals aren't worth sh&t until I actually accomplish them so...

You're as strong as any of us are. I haven't read any other posts yet, but if I do I will reply to them, too. None of us are sure what the next day will hold. I am very afraid to make my cut. I was going to do it last Thursday, then next patch change on Sunday. Now it's monday and I'm shooting for Thursday. They are changed every three days.

We can all draw strength from one another. I understand you not feeling comfortable telling your Dr. My family Dr. knows my situation and I know she won't force me to cut until I'm ready (within reason.) I have already learned something from you. I figured after I was done tapering I would go to the fentanyl lollipops because they would be so weak it wouldn't matter how long I took them. I no longer what to use them. Because of you I researched them and they are deadly. I owe you for that one.

I think you have so many decisions to make that you're overwhelmed. I have been there and it's not a good place. The only thing we can do is to remember we will all get clean in time. I was glad to see your post. I will go read the rest now but I wanted to write this to you....Take Care....LS

ne reduction no matter how small is a step in the right direction.dont put urself under so much pressure to dtox so quickly.u have done brilliantly to get where u are.i think ur doing great.good luck on ur journey.

I won't pity you or be condescending because I know you don't want that. You are incredible! You will make it. Do you think you got this far by just luck?? NO! You are doing battle with the devil and winning. You will make your goal but don't rush it. I only wish you could tell your oncologist so he wouldn't start the chemo until all traces of fentanyl are out of your system. They can't punish you. So you made a mistake. Everyone does and I know I have made more than my share. You're such an asset to the few of us on fentanyl. For a while it was just me and suprglyde. With what you're facing I honestly don't see how anyone can hold this against you. I will be praying and cheering for you. The most amazing thing is that fentanyl w/d causes mild to severe depression. I feel like such a creep complaining about my w/d when you're going through so much more. That's the honest to God truth.
I will be around so keep posting so we know how you're doing....Take Care....LS

Keep on keepin on man!  You are doing it.  I am proud of you.  I am not doing the best today either.  I am glad you are here to talk with today.  

Hang in there!

Peace~