missig in action

Question

Hey peeps, been a really rough 10 days & in my heart of hearts I knew I should be here finding support, but then again all I wanted to do was scream, cuss and kick like a 3 year old. I am not feeling much better, got all that plus depression.  I have been tapering from the oxy under Dr's order. Moved down from 80mg to 40 & now 10 the last few days (2 days managed none).Been using the Norco (10/325) in replacement (Dr advice) but it just isn't doing it for me, I am so angry inside. Then there is the feeling like a flippin' hipocrate. How can I be here encouraging others they can do it, their doing great and it gets better when I have basically just traded one drug for another. Hubby, asks if I have maybe been pushing it, the taper that is, but sh!t I WANT IT NOW DAMN IT. I can't take the depression, I can't handle the urge, sh!t forget urge I can't handle the kicking of my legs. I don't know what is stronger, mental or physical. I am taking these damn Norco & it isn't even making me feel normal. **** at least when I was taking 1 Norco & 2 oxy a day I was feeling somewhat "normal" now i can take 3 Norco & 1 oxy & still feel like sh!t. My only "look how good your doing" feeling is looking at my bottle of oxy and seeing 50 pills left (it was a 60 fill) & I am due for another refill in a week (month supply) which means I won't need an oxy script next week. But I hate what I feel I hate that the Norco isn't doing a damn thing it seems. God Help Me. Today my 12 year old says "mommy when you think your gonna feel better so we can go on walks together"  WTF is wrong with me?

manonfire · Answer

How long did it take to get addicted? How long have you been addicted? Exactly. Keep going, you are further along than me. You aren't an idiot to taper with another drug, and much to my disappointment, you can't take a pill to cure addiction over-night. I wish we all could! My fuse is short lately too! kinda scary short. We can do this. Your days of getting high without remorse are dead. Grieve it, and keep going. I feel it too.

FLaddict · Answer

I wish i was in a good space tonight to help.. your body will adjust.. just takes time. i just made a taper jump today and i am really feeling it.. its strange i didn't feel the jumps at the higher doses but today jumping from 10mgs to 7.5 is kicking my a*s..

manonfire · Answer

Just a guess, but maybe some psychological effects too? Getting REAL close to the end now. Might be panic time. The mind doesn't care for change. Maybe. Don't know. I'm here for u anyway.

1Soprano · Answer

So much of this is such a mental battle for all of us. And remember it is only temporary and even drug free people have down days where they feel like s***. But at least they "feel" something- whether good or bad. It becomes hard to interpret what is a normal down and what is the w/ds. You are doing wonderful and remind yourself of that. Oh, and don't let the "mommy guilt" bug bite you- what you are doing right now is so much better in the long run for them. I am proud of you so far- you are getting back to experiencing REAL life- ups, downs and all. Love and prayers are with you!

missig in action

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community