Thanks for the encouragement.  It's day 13 c/t for me.  I slept 4 1/2 hrs last night which is better than 2.  I'm still in a quandry but I'm trying.  If ya'll don't hear back, you know I failed.  But I'm trying...  Thanks again for the encouragement.  It means a lot.
Yoda

Stay in there, Yoda.  You're doing amazing.  Keep it up.  I have another refill waiting for me, but I know that would start me over again, and I don't feel like starting this shitty withdrawl over.  I finally slept last night.  Tomorrow is a week since I took any at all (tramadol), and that was seven at one time.  Please hang in there, ok?  You can do it and you have our support.

Hope everyone else is having an okay night.  Good night and good luck.

i knew that was it...and all i have to say is "ARE YOU KIDDING???...of course you are going to have those thoughts and this dilemma...you are only 12 days clean...but my god...you are 12 days clean!!!...you know the answer to this one...but you need to remember...and i know you do, you live with it every day...but you have real pain to deal with...dont put your body or your health in jeopardy...but i know you know that...and if you are making it through the pain...dont get that filled...you are doing excellent...battle those mind demons...get to day 4...i know you  can, i believe in you...

prayin for you...love, natasha

How kind of you Natasha to offer help.  I'm just embarrassed to post this; that I would even haven these thoughts.
My dilemma:  I had a great day.  I was so productive.  I cleaned house, did laundry, and was just appalled at all I had let go while being on the oxy's.  My legs hurt but I took Arthritis tylenol and it seemed to help some.
   Well it's time for my oxy refill.  180 of those lovely little 80 mg tabs.  I can pick up the script tomorrow.  I'm thinking I'll pick it up before I go to college, drop it off at the pharmacy, wait for it to be filled and then just bring it home and put it away.  Am I kidding myself?
   I don't want to take them because if I take them, then I just want to be high and lazy.  And I have to go to Jacksonville this weekend with two home-made cakes.  And be packed and ready to leave Friday night.
   To know that I have a script ready to be picked up is making me lick my lips.  And I'm embarrassed to tell this.  It's day 12 c/t for me and I've done so well.  Thanks for your offer of help.
Yoda

i obviously meant day 14 and not day 4...sorry about that...

still love ya...natasha

i guess i think i know your dilemma...if i can help you , and im sure someone can to get through this one, post your dilemma...

thats what we are here for, right?...to help others and ourselves get through the rough times?...

prayinf for you...love, natasha

I was in a bad car wreck and ended up with broken bones and nerve damage.  Even after the bones healed, I still have the nerve damage and another condition, spondylosis (spelling) in my back.  I really do have pain every day and sometimes it's so unbearable I can't sleep.  And I couldn't function like I used to so I guess that's why the dr. put me on the oxy.  We had tried other things that didn't work.  It started out a low dose and really helped.  And I took it as prescribed.  Then my tolerance built up so the dosage was increased over time, finally up to 6 80 mg tabs a day.  Well for a little woman, I have a huge tolerance for just about anything and a very addictive personality.  I thank my father for that.  He was an alcoholic and could drink all day and still function.  Later in his life when he got cancer he could take huge amounts of pain pills and still function.  But anyway it got to where the 6 a day really didn't do the job, and I would feel better if I took 9 a day, on a binge I would take 16 a day and that's what happened this time.  I went thru 180 of those lovely 80 mg oxys in 17 days and couldn't get script filled for 13 more days.  So I figured I would try to give them up since I had been thru this horrible, horrible withdrawal.  But it's day 12 for me and I'm feeling so much better.  But I have a dilemma and I don't know if I want to post it...