I left out that she has been a heroin addict for 3 years but has been doing drugs since she was maybe 15.

I feel for your situation.. I was a herion addict when i was young.. I was in her shoes for 4 years...
There is info for families i found interesting on HBO's website they are doing a 14 part series on addiction.. also the AE intervention site has info...
There are also some other mothers here at this site that you could talk to... all of us will offer any help and comfort we can..
Welcome to the forum...

I strongly suggust you check out this site:  

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Alanon are group meetings for the families and loved ones affected by an addict.  As addicts (in active addiction) we think the only people we are hurting are us.  That couldn't be farther from the truth.  Loved ones need help as much as we do, often they are just as sick mentally and emotionally because they don't know what to do (or not do) to help.  God Bless

Chad

I am an attorney, an alcoholic and a drug addict in my late 40's.  I got drunk for the last time when I was 29.  Living w/o drinking for about 9 years had me thinking that "all that" was pretty much ancient history.  However, the introduction of pain killers into my life after an accident in my late 30's took me on a ride that no one who knew me could have predicted.  

Long story, short,  I spent a good 6 years developing a huge hydrocodone addiction (350-400 mg/day) that left me a shell of my former self.  THEN, that shell of a man picked up a crack stem and took my addiction to another level (and a lot of nasty places).  I can't begin to explain how absolutely crazy it would have sounded to me or anyone who knew me "before" to think that I would ever become a raging drug addict - but it happened in a BIG way.

I went to a 28 day rehab in late 2004.  I regained my health, gained 30 lbs and looked like a new man when I got home.  However, that new man picked up the stem ("for just one more time") within 36 hours of getting home.  A lot of people told my wife that there was nothing she could do -- that she had to "let me hit my bottom" and/or if I "didn't want it it wasn't going to work."  Her response to that was that I went any lower I'd be dead, that I was in no condition to decided what I wanted or needed and that if somebody didn't do something FAST the only decisions would be about the funeral.  I thank God every day for her and what she did for me - she saved my life when I was just unable to do ANYTHING (except to keep smoking crack).

If she had "detached with love," I would be nothing but a bitter-sweet memory to her and our 4 wonderful kids.  As it turned out I stayed in that 2nd rehab for 4 months and now have over 21 months of being 100% clean and sober.  

The 1st rehab didn't have a chance for 2 reasons: 1) I lied to everyone - I told them I was "just" on pain killers (seemed more socially acceptable); and 2) 28 days was way too short.  LONG TERM TREATMENT WORKS and 28 days was way short of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual hump that I needed to get over to have a chance at staying clean.  

I was very lucky in that the rehab I went to was/is into working to restore the brain chemistry of addicts and alcoholics via amino acid supplements (now they do IV aminos) and proper nutrition, in addition to all the therapy, 12 Step, etc., stuff that normally goes on in rehab.

If you're interested in that rehab, Google the words [addiction winchester amino nutrition] (no quotes, just the words) and goto the first result.  It's a good place and it saved my life.  Also, it's privately owned by a man who's dedicated to helping addicts and alcholics - it's by no means free, but it's about 1/2 the monthly cost of the very fine, but comercially owned, rehab I went to for the 28-day first time.

Good luck

Thanks for the support. I have joined Nar-anon program which the Nar is for narcotics. The Al-anon programs is for alcohol. It has been really tough. And I do believe that rock bottom is dead. I am & always will be here to love her & support her. Staying as positive as I can. I try & show her my strength & support & then cry my eye's out behind closed doors. My husband which is her step-dad has left me over this, her real father wants nothing to do with her & my family is tired of hearing it. All I can do is the best I can to keep loving her and for her to know she is not alone. I stress this to her all the time.  She constantly stresses how this is "her" life. I listen & not make it about me but to here her crys. She say's she love's Heroin & will never get off. We found out she also has Hepatitis C that she will not address or even go to a doctor to be treated. The gentleman who said his wife has stood by him I am so, so happy for you. I have lost almost everything to help her & almost my sanity. I will continue to do what ever it takes to help her. I feel guilty at times that I hurt. The situation has really taken a toll out on me. She lashes out & blames me at times. I know she doesn't mean it. One day at a time. May God bless her & everyone who is addicted or have someone who is addicted. My prayers are with you!

I too am going thru what you have described, only my daughter is 24.  She went thru about 5 yrs. of methadone treatment, quit 4 weeks ago c/t 36 mgs. and now she is using xanax, alcohol or whatever to try and make the pain go away.  She also lashes out at me and blames me for just about anything, leaving me to go cry myself to sleep.  I just told my husband, her father, that it feels like when someone close to you dies and you have that horrible, helpless hurt and you can't make it go away and you just keep hoping for a miracle, that her life will turn around and she will be whole and healthy and safe again. I love her more than anything, she is my only child and I feel like I'm watching her die and can't help or stop it.  We have told her that we will help her, but she needs to want it and at this point doesn't want to yet, but then yesterday she had a bad breakdown and said she doesn't know what to do, she just wants this to go away.  You are not alone and this site does help, I have been reading off and on since she started her methadone and I am so thankful it's been here.