creek

Question

All I can say is "I know".  I was EXACTLY like you for a while.  I was taking like 8 vics a day and over last summer I saw a Dr. Phil show about prescription drug addiction and there was a woman on there who said she took 30 a day and I was like, "okay, now that is an addict!  I will never be like that!".  By December I was taking at least 30 pills a day.  Denial is definitely a big part of it.  Full pill bottle and you justify it by saying, "okay, the bottle is full and there is so little joy in my life that I deserve this" so you take half the bottle in a day and then before you know it, there are two pills left, not enough to get high which in the panic that leaves you in, is all you want.  So you are lying and scheming and denying to get what you want.  You are right, we are addicts but we are people too.
I think you at least need to give yourself credit on the fact that you are here and you are being honest!  There are so many people out there who can't do that and are so far from doing that.  
In the begining of my love affair with pills I was happier and more productive then I had ever been in my life.  Now, NOTHING gets done, not even when I am high.  Therein lies the problem.  
I don't think anyone is ever ready to quit but eventually, you will realize that you have nothing to lose by quitting and everything to gain.
That is where I am.

creek · Answer

Isn't it amazing the pain we share and we don't know each other.  None of us do here, yet, we can talk and our experiences are so much alike.  This is a powerful place of healing and enlightenment.  My issue is I think I will be the only one on the planet that it won't "take down".  With the facts blaring in my face here, I still deny that it could be me.  I could lose everything, I could compromise my health (ya think?), and lose more relationships with people I love.  But the addict in me tells me that is ok.  Lets get high.

It sucks and I want to be on a better path.  I have tried quitting twice in four months.  Didn't work at all the first time...the second time I was successful for 8 days.  I do not prepare myself for the calls, and the answers that have to be said.  I do not prepare by asking my doctor for help and admitting the truth, and I do not prepare myself for the AFTER....the everylittlethinginmylifethatIcan'tdowithoutpills syndrome.  And then there is the panic of withdraw.  I don't think anyone can prepare much for that hell.  

Like you said this is a great place for support and love.  No judgement, just acceptance for who you are and where you are in your struggle with addiction.  I have fallen and they have picked me back up, dusted me off, and gave me a swift kick in the ass.   Wonderful people, let me tell ya..ha.  In all honesty some of the smartest people I have ever encountered.  SOOOO good to talk today...thanks.
Peace~

sosad5306 · Answer

I always came up with (and still do come up with) so many excuses as to why next time I will stop.  I have jeopardized my child (i hate myself for that and cannot explain the guilt), I have been arrested at the pharmacy, I am facing a felony and have put my family and friends through hell all in the name of me wanting to get high and being an addict.  And I still wish deep down that I could keep going.  But I am starting to learn otherwise.  Thanks to the people here, I at least have hope that there is life on the other side.  I don't belive it yet, but I hope with all my heart that that is the truth!  
So what I am saying is that sometimes there is no rock bottom that is bottom enough.  Sometimes there are no answers but at least we have each other!  Btw, my email is ***@**** if you ever want to email me.  I saw you were having probs w/ yours but the offer is there :)

creek

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