Interesting Conversation with an AA sponsor

Question

As some of you may already know, my father is a recovering alcoholic and has been for about 5 yrs.  He went to AA meetings religiously for the last 5 yrs and we had his 80th BD surprise party last night at my 1/2 sisters house (we have an odd relationship...my parents divorced when I was a baby and he remarried and had two other children and there was no relationship between us til about 10 yrs ago.) I love my father but he is a virtual stranger to me....I never before met most of his friends that were there last night but I had a lovely conversation with his AA sponsor!  Am interested to get people's opinions about whether they think addiction is a disease and herditary or not.  I believe it is and this is not a way to place blame on anyone...for me it is a way to try and understand why I am the way I am.  Do you believe there is anyway to cure this "disease" and if not, how do you feel one can stay clean and sober?  Apparently my day over the last two months has been skipping meetings and I watched him like a hawk. There was wine and beer at the party and I noticed his wife was drinking...my sister was apparently upset by this...she said that she was just as much an alcoholic as my dad...I guess just like drugs, do you think we can have just one glass of wine or one pill?  I've been saying all along that I could not have one pill...I would completely slip up and go back into full blown addiciton; however, I did have a glass of wine....I know some will think I can't touch any mind altering substance and now I am concerned that this will set me back.   Would love some feedback! Sorry so long-winded but I've been thinking about this all day!

Peace,
Marcie
Week7 c/t??????????

creek · Answer

Yes 7 long weeks baby you did that!!   Own it, rejoice in it and look in the mirror and say I am proud sooooooooo proud of myself.

I get the whole wine, joint, pill...it's all the same theory.  I have to believe it because after awhile it is just about escaping... no matter what the drug.

You might lose your way marce...you may **** up...BUT YOU WILL STAND BACK UP...you know you have had enough.  Even when you are not feeling tough...we have all been beaten and bruised by addiction.  But the darkness is NOT going to get you.  You have a LIGHT that won't let it...you have weathered the storm baby...think about it all you want but you are doing fine!!!!!  Don't give up and don't doubt yourself.

No answers here....my mom and dad never touched anything.  One brother/addict.  One sister/never!  But I worry about both my kids. Is is hereditary or environment...  I mean they did grow up with addicts.  I dunno, hun.   Good debate for everyone...

desertgirl · Answer

I think it's hereditary, my father died from his alcohol problem a couple of years ago. I struggled with meth for 10 years before having kids then went sobor for 10, then went to drinking and now this. My 17 year old daughter suffers from anxiety and depression just like me, she has been in treatment for awhile for snorting oxys and smoking pot.

addictedtoloratab · Answer

I know many will not agree with me, but, it was just a glass of wine.  Nothing more, you didnt jump back in the bottle of pills.  It seems like almost EVERYONE has a vice.  You been doing great.  I dont think this is a slip up.  I think you have to decide for yourself if you would like to have a drink every now and again,  I dont think you should beat yourself up, you have been amazing.  Just decide for yourself, but, I dont think  by all means your back to square one.. Luvs, G

HUBBY CHOO · Answer

Good questions, I think at some point we all ponder these thoughts.  Am i an alcoholic, for having red wine everynight, if so, (Im being sincere) than i know a ton of alcoholics. Maybe there is a degree to the disese, some people have a couple of drinks/night, and shut it off. As long as they dont let it get out of control, and live productive lives. I dont know, i am just speaking my mind. As far as Hereditary, I believe that too.  They are very close to a drug that already exists, In addicts brain there is the front brain(lobe i think) that is the GO part, IE: A Pill Lets take it at any cost, A drink Wooo hooo let get drunk, Ect, And then there is the back part of the brain Stop part: IE, " I can't, i will loose it again, its will get me no where in life, ect.  Now in "Addicts brain" The brain message is only getting to the front, and not even giving us a chance to receive the message to the the Stop part. What the drug does is calms or quites the Go part so Stop has a chance.  Im not a Doctor, But I Did stay at a Holiday Inn!  JK, Watch Addiction on HBO, its all there, very interesting!!

Love 

Choo

oxysbliss · Answer

I have a different approach as always....lol

I believe that in some small way...We chose to be like this...Our spirits chose to walk down these paths...to gain Knowledge....and compassion, and walk a mile in another man's shoes..so to speak...


Im not really sure how to explain it much, I do believe its a disease.....but I dont think its from our families.......

engine · Answer

Hi.. I haven't posted in a few day's but do read almost everyday as this forum was a huge help while going c/t off of narco..  I have been a recovering alcoholic for almost 20 years.. though started taking the "pills" it for legitement back pain I ended up in a huge slip with the narcs..  Science has done a lot of reaserch on addiction and though they still don't have a lot of the puzzle figured out there are some things their pretty sure of.. 1. there is a pretty big heredidty component though it seems to sometimes "skip" generations. 2. Addicts and or pre addicts seem to have a little different brain chemistry. A decrease in production of some of the chemicles that help to regulate "well being". Also, the part of the brain that tells a "normal" person they have had enough does not appear to function normaly in the addictive type person.  That's why people due terrible things to themselves and seem to often ruin everything around them as a result of their addictive behavior. People always say "why dont they just stop". They just can't. It's not that easy.
AA and programs like it help for a whole bunch of reasons and literaly millions of people are living quality productive lives as a result.  Having said that, I know AA is not for everyone and fact is AA/NA doesn't try to make anyone do anything. They are just there to help if you want it.. just like this forum. It's people helping people recover and stay that way..

zgzg480 · Answer

its really simple,,,,if you truely believe your an addict then any mind altering substance can set you on a path to find what you found in your drug of choice,,but if you believe that your problem is just a physical dependacy from being on pills then have a drink

Marce4 · Answer

Lots of stuff to ponder! I never had a problem with drinking....my husband and I actually have made our own wine for 11 years and I never had an issue with addiction until the hydro's. In light of my addiction to pills, I now question everything I do...I don't drink to get drunk....I enjoy wine very much (the taste!) but still a big ??? in my mind!

engine · Answer

As for figureing out if a person is or isn't an alcoholic..  There is a pretty simple test.. Try some controled drinking for a few weeks. If you can drink say, two glasses of wine and stop right there, your probably not an alcoholic. If however you find that difficult, uncomfortable, or even impossible you might want to look at your alcohol use.  Another simple test along those lines is to think about your drinking history. Has it caused you any problems in life. Calling in sick, missing important schedules, DUI's, runs in's with the police, health problems, etc. Most "normal people" will stop drinking if it causes a problem. Alcoholics usually don't for quite a while often resulting in a fair amount of wreckege in their lives.  Just something to think about.  And so you know I'm not preaching to anyone about anyting here, just my $0.02.  Anyway that anyone here can improve their lives and make them better I am in full support of and that's why most of us are here in the first place. For the record, I have been arrested, hospitalized, and lost a marriage all due to substance abuse. So that is a place I never want to go to again..  God bless everyone here and keep up the good work.

Marce4 · Answer

I hear ya.....and nope...alcohol has never been a problem in my life....just the pills!

hellc@mst · Answer

i think addiction is a combination of genetics and environment.there r no addicts in my close family but my step father drank excessively.my mom was totaly straight edge.some studies xplain opiate addiction as an endorphin deficiency but ive also read that a few mgs of codeine daily is sufficient to counter this.the addiction as a disease arguement(just my opinion)is a convenient cop out."its not my fault im a lyin junky,i hav a disease".ne way this is my experience only.good luck folks.
regard J.

zgzg480 · Answer

I understand the " its not my fault,I"m a lyin junkie, I have a desease " but what about the addict that says it IS my fault that I may have a desease but the choices I made to feed it were my choices and recovery is taking responsibility for the things I did.

beachtowel · Answer

Hi Marcie, some people have addictive personalities. It will effect most of their lives whether it be gambling, eating, sex, drugs alcohol etc.

I don't drink and never really wanted to but personally (myself) I could be in trouble. 

I don't know of your history but if you have a compulsive, addictive personality there is always a risk....

I can easily have one glass of wine and not touch another drink but I hate the taste of wine....

When I was at my six month behavior inpatient rehab a drug theropist asks all 64 of us how many of your imediate family, parents or grandparents were either addicts or alcoholics and 63 people raised their hands............

I agree with an earlier comment if you can have one or two glasses of wine and stop I don't believe there is a problem....

I know one thing even though I haven't touched an opiate since Nov. of 05 if someone put a bottle of oxycotins in front of me and walked away if I didn't run out the door and leave I would eat them all!

My comments were probably no help to you..lol

hellc@mst · Answer

thats fine too.if people in recovery who accept culpability for past indescretions wanna say they got a disease thats fine.not my bag but different strokes,right.i blieve,thru some sick desire 2 punish myself,that i choose addiction,therefore i am equally capable of choosing recovery.a diabetic cant choose to not takin insulin(not.if they wanna live)neway enuff with the diabetic analogies.
regards

sher143 · Answer

i KNOW FOR ME MY HIGHER POWER DID NOT INTEND FOR ME TO BE AN ADDICT.  HE DIDN'T WANT ME ROBBING FROM POEPLE, LYING CHEATING, ETC.  I HAVE A DISEASE... CUNNY, BAFFLING AND FATAL. IT IS INCURABLE, BUT LIKE DIABETES, I TAKE MY MEDICINE, MEETINGS, STEPS, SPONSOR, HELPING ANOTHER ADDICT, TO STAY CLEAN.  THIS IS FOR ME, BUT I WILL NEVER BE "NORMAL" TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A GLASS OF WINE, BECAUSE IF I DO, I AM OFF TO THE RACES, AND THIS TIME I MAY NOT BE SO LUCKY, I MAY WIND UP IN JAIL FOR A LONG TIME, OR WORSE, DEAD!!!
GOOD LUCK

engine · Answer

You know it is more like diabetes then you think. I'm a paramedic and diabetics do choose not to take there meds. Cancer patients can and do the same thing...  Alcoholics/ drug addicts do have a choice to either deal with their situation or not.. so in that respect it is very simular. I understand there is debate with regards to alcoholics having the ability to drink or not and that there are a lot of people who believe that it is simply a matter of choice on there part. I can say without any reservationthat it just isn't so. They do have a choice not to take that first drink but a true alcohiolic is absolutly powerless over alcohol once they start. When that substance hits their brains their gone..  I am not a weak person and have acheaved a lot of success in my life but when I drink one drink I have no idea or control over what happens next..   and most often would wake up on the floor 3 or 4 days later with no memeory of what happend.  Living like that could not possibly be anyones choice..  I hated myself when that would happen and for years and would swear that I would never let that happen again, only to repeat that same horrible cycle over and over again many times...  All the will power in the world would not have changed much of my history at all..  Now, I choose not to start drinking or using today and just keep it at that..  "One day at a time"

Interesting Conversation with an AA sponsor

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