Just because sometimes people have all that...doesnt mean they want to stay clean, and they still have a void to fill........and us, as you know, used to fill that void with pills..........to run, and not seethem or ourselves for what they are worth..

Try to journal and figure out what void your still urging to use for ...it maybe nothing Clay, it could be just the good ole demon in the pills that urge us and cheer for us to pick up again, REmeber your saying goodbye to an old pal, something or whatever it was. that was always there, no matter what.....even though it jus tpushes the rest all away from us...

Some thoughts to ponder about anyways.......................Remember that, that ole Person(clay) and the new one...dont get along, there are like two different things going on in my mind, its like a fork and its just a matter of choice what your going to make

There are always going to be triggers throughout your recovery.....Beach and many others say it, quitting is only half the battle........
The monkey is always on the shoulder...tryin to guide you back.....Tapes are changing and its like you are entering a different part of recovery.....

If your into N.A or A.A. go to a meeting, talk to others addicts that slipped, open up.....do you have a sponsor? your journal, your wife, a particular conversation with one of your children (not neccessalry about using), whatever it is...Those are all tools in your life..Its just a matter of, What are you going to pick up first...All of that....or a pill...........

you are right and i know that i want to quit, maybe i need to do some soul serching, Thank you so much for the kind words. Clay TX

I can totally relate to what you are going through right now. I was in the same place you are a few days ago. I couldn't for the life of me wonder why I was doing this! I know, I am prego...blah, blah, blah. But my doc said I could take them everyday if I really needed to for pain and baby would be fine just not more than 4/5 a day. So that put me in a place where I couldn't figure out why I was doing this. I miss being able to get everything done. I still haven't touched my check book or done a budget cause I am scared of what I will find. If I was on pills I wouldn't care I would just do it. That is how it was even if I didn't want to do something I just did cause it needed to get done. I wasn't in the pits of heII before I quit, if fact I was doing really well. Didn't miss work, played with my daughter because I too had endless energy, cleaned, cooked, paid bills. A lot more than I do now. Now I feel like a big lazy piece of ****. And why do we need the pills to enjoy everything we already have that should make us unbelievably content and happy??? I DON'T KNOW, but promise me when you figure it out you will share with me. Sorry, I really meant to post to try to help but I don't think this is doing it. I have faith you can stay sober if even there are a few set backs. Maybe the chemicals in your brain are playing tricks on you trying to get you to go back. Stay strong, I love reading your posts.

How many days without the pills have you been. I know that I hit a very low point at the 2 week point. Now that my head has cleared out of the fog I feel great and appreciate being sobber. Your body is going to go through a lot of ups and downs. Try to stay strong you are such a huge help to us here.

Clay, I think you reached that PAWS stage.  Your not missing a damn thing.  Remember your life was ruled by pills, do you remember not being able to get out of bed or even out of the house without a appropriate pill supply.  You got freedom from them now.  You can go on Vacation without worrying about running out,, You can do anything and not worry about running out and where your going to get your next batch.  Just try to do what oxy said and maybe journal the good things opposed to the bad and I bet the bad is going to outweigh the good.  Peace and Huggs, G