Back to the Drawing Board...I Blew IT!!!

Question

Well...I screwed up big time!  I'm in tears and I am going to take a break from the forum to figure out how I could have done this to myself and my family. I have absolutely no excuse!!!  I thought I was stronger but I'm as weak as I ever was and I'm so pissed at myself! My brain said no but I did it anyway!  WTF was I thinking! I was at my best friends house after work. Her mother is having problems so I was helping her. I've been there at least 5 or 6 times since I went c/t 7 weeks ago with no problem! She had a brand new bottle of 100 Perocet. Boom...I popped two and took about 10 with me! This is exactly the behavior I said I was so ashamed of! Stealing from family and friends! I can't even explain why and I'm totally ashamed! It wasn't worth the high but I did it anyway! How do I go back!!!!!Please hear me...when I spoke about vigilance re: recovery....get to a meeting or talk to someone I obviously didn't take my own advice! I'm am now starting all over again!!! I'm so sorry that I let my family and friends down....and myself! I feel like a big ******* loser!!!! I feel lost again!

ramber · Answer

You don't have to start all over again. Flush the ones you have.  You messed up once, but it doesn't mean you have been trapped in again.  Unless you realize that you are going to fall down and have to get up all over again. You can do it!

construction · Answer

What did u tell me yesterday? Flush the rest and move on , remember what the detox felt like, those things give us a false sense of security. lean on us not the dope. you havnt let me down a bit. Prayers for u Clay TX

LIZZIE LOU · Answer

i agree with clay...what was it you were telling him?
oh honey...put that behind you...you made a mistake...you are an addict.
it's all part of the process...you know that!  don't do this to yourself.  we all love ya and support you...

kim

addictedtoloratab · Answer

Marcie, You are such a good mother and wife, you put your family before anybody or anything,, Remember your family vacation/detox.  You slipped up, this is your disease trying to take over you,  Dont let it, take the advice you gave Clay, flush em.  I do think NA does work if you get the right meeting.  I think it could not hurt to go to one so you can see people and actually talk to them one on one and realize that what you did was just make a small mistake.  If you absolutely need to get away from the forum then I understand.  But, a lot of people depend on you for advice and support.  If you need to go then go, but, dont just go cause you slipped up.. We love you girl, Huggs, G

Lizzyloowho? · Answer

You did not fail, you had a setback....it happens to anyone with any kind of goal.

Marce4 · Answer

Thanks Guys....I'm just really pissed off at myself....I'll be ok...just very disappointed in me!  I'm not going to start using again and YES I did flush them down the toilet!  I should have returned them to my friends mom but I don't want them here! Obviously I can't be trusted with them! Did not tell my husband...he will freak!
I'm gonna stay off for a little bit!  Just need to think!
Thanks for the kindness...
Marcie

dyblue · Answer

it's all part of the process I think.  I would have given the pills back just to make it stick because stealing adds another  thing to feel bad about yourself its not taking the pills its the stealing part I'd be mad at myself and believe me I've done it I stole a ladies demerol and put my birthcontrol pills in place of the stolen pills how crazy am I.    she probablty thought she was building a tolerence when they didn't work or maybe it was the placebo  effect.  who knows all I know is nobodies perfect and its not like you were clean for 2 years and did it give yourself a break. you were in very early stages of recovery, its bound ton happen to some I don't know if I could keep my hand  out of the cookie jar.probably not so forget about it its past history summers comming

LIZZIE LOU · Answer

don't be pissed off at yourself...BE PISSED OFF AT ME...it's your turn (hehe)you may be the only person on this board who hasn't been pissed at me at one time or another...lol...i don't know...maybe you have...can't remember back that far....although i can remember "back then" when tink ripped me a new a**hole!  

all jokes aside...you did it...learned from it...and moved on

WAY TO GO GIRL!  you are getting my "ATTA GIRL" award today...oh don't even say or think that you don't deserve it.  taking another step in the process of recovery deserves attention.

huggs,
kim

Mariyah2 · Answer

You are such a strong person and I admire you so much. You had a moment of weakness and the most important thing is that you got right back on the wagon. You can't wipe away 7 weeks of c/t with just two pills. Please don't beat yourself up about this. I understand you are angry with yourself and I hope you will be as forgiving to yourself as you are to others on this board. I would have done the same exact thing as you did and I have done it. I think if I was clean for 2 years, I still might do it. It is how strong the draw of the pills are for me and many others here. I would have taken the rest instead of flushing them and that just shows what a strong woman you are. You are always here for everyone and please know I am here for you, as many others are. 

Bless you Marce and have a peaceful night.
Mariyah

sosad5306 · Answer

It is okay.  Look, you flushed them!!! What does that say?  Yes, you made a mistake but you turned right around and did the right thing.  You fell down and got back up. Please don't be too hard on yourself you are human!!!  You have done too much good to let one downfall overshadow all of your success!  I believe in you!

Mangee · Answer

So you slipped. It's not that big a deal if you don't want it to be. You had the guts to confess this to all and that is a good sign. As you have seen from the other posts everyone is behnd you a hundred and ten percent. 
You are not the first one who fell and you won't be the last. The important thing is that you pick yoursel up, brush yourself off and carry on. From what I have read in your posts you are defenitly not a weakling. What happened is just a blip on the radar screen. Take the rest, gather your thoughts and then come back with more resolve, you have it in you and you know it.
Mannie

Back to the Drawing Board...I Blew IT!!!

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