You know, it never occurred to me to even ask if it bothered my hubby. We have had a strong trust for over 20 years. I keep the computer where he can walk by and see it anytime, but he rarely does. I think he's glad I found this forum so I can vent here instead of at him. lol

I can IM people.....men or women and that's ok but usually it's someone IM'g me. Nothing romantic. He trusts me to keep it that way. I think everyone has the right to decide what is ok with them and their spouse. Therefore, I understand bowhunter's wife.

Yoda, keep your head held high. You are still tops in my book.
((((((hugs))))))  LS

I think Bowhunter has a very supportive wife and he is very lucky.  If IMing bothers her and disrupts their marital harmony, it will not help his recovery.  So at least we worked thru it last night.  I wish both Mr and Mrs Bowhunter well.  
Yoda

holy shiit! Bowhunter, you are starting to look good to me! Any interest in a 6'3" 240lb RIFLE hunter??? We could go out and kill critters, and not think about drugs while we were in the woods...I will ask Mrs Manonfire if it's ok. Sorry I couldn't resist lightening the mood!! Don't worry Bowhunter, I don't pet the cat backwards...not that there is anything wrong with that. Hello Mrs Bowhunter! I'd only go after your husband for hunting purposes...;_)

YES..... my boyfriend gets extremely jealous when i IM a guy!!!!! and i can totally understand his point. we have also had huge fights over this. i have a couple of guys on my IM list and 1 that i IM everyday. at first it was causing MAJOR problems for us. but my recovery is ultimately the most important thing to both him and myself. i explained to him that it was purely "help" from someone who could relate to me (but who wouldnt get mad at the opposite sex helping?) he now understands a little better and we TRUST eachother 100%. i have never lied to him about anything, not even my pills. i do however keep IM to a minimum when he is here. not because i'm hiding it from him, but when he is home or awake i feel "he" deserves my attention first before anyone else. he knows i IM to both guys and girls and to some more than others. but since i've made him a priority FIRST, he is more understanding about when i do IM. but again i have never, ever lied to him. so i can understand "both" sides with your situation. just remember to put eachother first  :)

there's no villian here at all, i just didnt like the instant message thing. I know what you two talked about i read the posts. I think there is alot of good people here. Thank you for respecting our wishes.  bowhunters wife

Thank you,  i think you said it better than i could have.  You hit it right on the nose.

Don't worry my dear, I will kick him off my list.  And I really respect you for your honesty and understanding.  Mr. Bowhunter should be proud.
Yoda

And he never told me until last night that he couldn't IM me; so as much as I respect your husband, I'm not the villain here but I do apologize for making any inappropriate suggestions last night.  Thanks again for your kind post.  Your husband is very lucky to have such a supportive wife.
Regards,
Yoda

I guess that was funny; I hope you weren't implying that I was going after Bowhunter.  You already know what a depressed state I'm in.  I guess being over 30 days clean isn't so great after all; I've turned into someone I don't know.
Funny Manonfire.
Yodes

C'mon hun, I was just trying to make everybody laugh. It is laugh day today. You know I don't believe that, I told you today already. I was just trying to lighten everyone up. I am your number one fan Yoda! Remember, thicker hide! Love, Manonfire

I'm trying, but I certainly don't want to be the cause of anyone's problems and it just seems now that I've beat the addiction (I hope), everything is going to hell in a hand basket.  I am the most gentle person in the world and I am not a trouble  maker.  I do appreciate the friends I've made because without you and them, I couldn't have done it.  
Yodes

I know that you are only trying to make it, you don't have time for trying to steal a man. I guess i was only trying to point that out. I guess I will put on my serious hat a minute. If you were obsessed with Bowhunter and wanted to get with him, I don't think you would forget his screen name all the time and call him Bowfinger. Let's all put this behind us, and focus on help. Forgive me Yoda, not trying to belittle your feelings. I know you are in a sensitive place right now. Bowhunter, I still want to go out in the woods...

I guess I'm really lucky, in the sense that my man is totally in favor of me getting clean, and if that means IMing anyone to help me through it, then he says GO FOR IT BABY!  We have such an open relationship, and I would hope he would call on someone going through the same thing, if I didn't understand.  I guess I've never been the jealous type, since they are gonna leave you if they want to, wheter you IM someone else or not. But thats just my thinking, and it certainly isn't correct all the time.  But I also totally agree with htp115, and that is, you have to first make your S.O. feel like it doesn't matter who you IM, because they KNOW 100%, that THEY are your first and only.  So then, after they feel that way, it doesn't matter, because there is trust and acceptance.  I also got alot of respect for what people in recovery are going through, just by watching "when a man loves a woman".  That movie says it all.  Spouses really need to stand next to their mate and hold their hand, and let them do what they need to do to get clean, not put restrictions on them, or that is a sure fire way to lead them into a "slip".  But again, just my views (that aren't always correct)  

i know you din't say "me" but i took it that way because he only ims you and danthrope.

When I originally got the yahoo IM it was so I could be a part of Danthrope's weekly chats.  Well I never joined the chats, but I think bowhunter did.  I really don't think bow and I talked that much and believe me, it was strictly a friendship based on our common goals of beating our addictions.  I did not ask him to IM "ME" after you went to bed.  I just told him could he IM after you went to bed because I actually know someone that does that.  I apologize for that.  And I thank you for your kind post.  
Sincerely,
Yoda