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Avatar universal

workingmama - I have been thinking about you :)

Hey Sweetie - I wasn't on because of Easter (and having to cook - ugh!) but I saw your other post about having taken the last 3 meds.  That is so great and I hope you are doing well.  If you need anything, I am on for about another hour so, I would love for you to check in :)  Talk to you later...
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Avatar universal
I'm here. not doing too well. was VERY tempted to post under my old screen name. it's like when I have the pills, I somehow justify it in my messed up head and my guilt level goes down, and then as soon as the pills are gone and it's back to reality, I realize how terrible it really is.

I mean, who do I think I am? I have no right to do this to a baby. So what if my life sucks, so what if I'm in pain. This baby didn't ask to have an idiot for a mother. I actually got pregnant on purpose. I didn't realize it would be this hard, I didn't know I would feel this bad. I knew I wouldn't be able to take my regular headache meds, but I didn't think my headaches would get this much worse. I thought I would be able to handle it. This is my fourth time being pregnant, and I have never been this miserable in my entire life. I also didn't know that the dr. would give me these huge bottles of vicodin, either.

All I did was call and say I'm pregnant and I'm on this this and this, what should I do? The nurse called back an hour later and said stop everything, all you can take is vicodin, we called it in. I go to pick it up and it's 90 with 4 refills! WTF!!! I was taking up to 15 a day last week. It's like 2 doesn't do anything anymore, I have to take 4. Then I get those paralyzing shooting brain pains and take 3 more. Then something stresses me out or pisses me off and I take 2 more...

What a crackhead. What if it has brain damage from the opiate in it? What if it has liver damage from the tylenol in it? Why can't I stop?  Too bad I'm a Christian who doesn't believe in abortion. That's probably what I should do, and then get fixed, but I just can't. Stupid beliefs won't let me go to sleep in the garage with the car running either.

I have an appt with my ob on Wednesday, I seriously hope I'm still this depressed, cuz then I'll tell her, and she'll cut me off for sure. I'm pretty sure I will spill my guts, cuz I want all the tests they have for defects, and since I don't fit in any risk catergory they'll want a reason. and boy do I have one for 'em.
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Avatar universal
Please don't beat yourself up right now, you are going through alot of emotions you are letting everthing hit you at once.  You have to take a deep breath and take it step by step. I know that is alot easier said then done.  I know without the pills, reality sets in.  That is my problem, dealing with reality without them.  It sucks - it really does, but we all had lives without them once.  Read Wilted Roses post - it really made me think tonight.

It is really good that you are seeing your Dr on Wed - please, tell her what is happening.  The Dr. will probably be able to ease some of your fears but you have to tell her.  

I really hope and pray the Dr. will be able to relieve the headaches with something that is much better for you and the baby.  That will take alot of stress off of you.  I know that my meds for headaches, since I took them like candy, gave me rebound headaches like crazy.  Only one more reason for me to take more.  The viscious circle has to stop - let's lean on each other for the support to stop.

And you know what?  You are already strong for being able to talk about this and your baby is going to be very pround of its mama for being such a strong woman!  I believe in you and am always here for you and I would never talk to an idiot - so stop putting yourself down!  I am going to have to clonk you in the head and that will not help your headaches LOL.  Hoping that got a smile out of you...

Thank you for letting me know how you are doing - I was thinking about you and I am sending my prayers to you tonight.  I will be here for another hour if you want to chat (I know, I said that before LOL)  Lotsa love sent right to you :)


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