Hey there.
You are not a loser. You are doing the best job you can. Unfortunately I'm not sure I know enough about what you are going through to help.
I do know that when we're vulnerable and the meds are put in front of us, often there's no human power that can make us say "no". Please do not beat yourself up over this. It is the nature of this disease of addiction. You can make a new plan tomorrow and start again.Do not continue to worry about it today. I wish
I knew your story, but I don't. Plus I need to go. Hang tough kiddo; more folks will be around to post in no time. I hope I catch up with you here in the future--I'll watch for your name.
Warmest Regards,
--Athena