Aa
big slip feeling like a major loser
Hi Everyone...I haven't been posting, but as I said earlier, I always read and try to contribute when I have advice for someone. But now, I need to start posting for myself again.
I have been c/t off norco for around two months (stopped tracking the day to day). I was originally put on pain meds because I have several bulging discs in my lumbar spine the worst of which is impinging on the L5 nerve. I have gone through sucessful nerve blocks for that and my pain though severe at times is mainly under control. Also in February I feel and tore my lateral and medial meniscus and sprained my MCL. Before hurting my leg is when I decided to stop taking my pain meds. I was prescribed 12 norco a day (3 pills / 4 times a day) for my back. I never took more than prescribed but pretty much daily took the full amount I was prescribed whether my pain was severe enough or not. I don't think I was really addicted to the pain pills (i never craved them or did the whole doc shopping), but I did become physiologically dependent on them and when I tried to quit, went into horrible withdrawal. So, after stopping, I hurt my knee and felt like I needed the pain relief but was so scared to go through the w/d aspects again. So, I made myself promise, I would only take 1/2 of a 10mg. Norco at night to help me sleep. This has worked fine and on a few occasions I have been able to sleep without it. I have not let myself go above the 1/2 pill....til now. My surgery is scheduled for 4/27, and I'm growing increasingly nervous. (cont'd in comments)
I have been c/t off norco for around two months (stopped tracking the day to day). I was originally put on pain meds because I have several bulging discs in my lumbar spine the worst of which is impinging on the L5 nerve. I have gone through sucessful nerve blocks for that and my pain though severe at times is mainly under control. Also in February I feel and tore my lateral and medial meniscus and sprained my MCL. Before hurting my leg is when I decided to stop taking my pain meds. I was prescribed 12 norco a day (3 pills / 4 times a day) for my back. I never took more than prescribed but pretty much daily took the full amount I was prescribed whether my pain was severe enough or not. I don't think I was really addicted to the pain pills (i never craved them or did the whole doc shopping), but I did become physiologically dependent on them and when I tried to quit, went into horrible withdrawal. So, after stopping, I hurt my knee and felt like I needed the pain relief but was so scared to go through the w/d aspects again. So, I made myself promise, I would only take 1/2 of a 10mg. Norco at night to help me sleep. This has worked fine and on a few occasions I have been able to sleep without it. I have not let myself go above the 1/2 pill....til now. My surgery is scheduled for 4/27, and I'm growing increasingly nervous. (cont'd in comments)
Are you human???
Of course you are, and therefore you are going to mess up here and there because that's what we humans do. Whether we are addicts or not we all make mistakes. Forgive yourself and move on. You don't have to start over and you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. That decision is up to you. I too deal with anxiety disorder and that is most likely making you feel very guilty for having taken the pills. Don't because guilt is a useless emotion that accomplishes absolutely nothing good. Tomorrow is a new day and you get to start fresh in the morning. Try to get some sleep and stop beating yourself up okay. Take care and we'll talk soon.
Peete
Of course you are, and therefore you are going to mess up here and there because that's what we humans do. Whether we are addicts or not we all make mistakes. Forgive yourself and move on. You don't have to start over and you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to. That decision is up to you. I too deal with anxiety disorder and that is most likely making you feel very guilty for having taken the pills. Don't because guilt is a useless emotion that accomplishes absolutely nothing good. Tomorrow is a new day and you get to start fresh in the morning. Try to get some sleep and stop beating yourself up okay. Take care and we'll talk soon.
Peete
I should add that I suffer from Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic disorder without depression. I take lexapro 20 mg and 10 mg alternating and .5 mg of ativan (lorazepam) 3 times per day. Today I had a very anxious day, I am stressed from dealing with the insurance company and was just having a bad day all around. I'm trying to work, deal with the pain from my knee, the anxiety of the surgery, going through a custody dispute, planning my wedding and keep up with house work. About an hour ago, I took 4 of my Norco. I just wanted an escape. It was either the norco or the ativan, but I felt like the norco would get me "high" and put me to sleep or at least into a state where I could deal with life for a few hours.
I am disappointed in myself though I know not to beat myself up. I am disappointed that I was not strong enough to deal with life and ran to the pills. I am scared to tell my fiance because I don't want him to think first that I'm so weak and I don't want him to think I'm a junkie - even though right now I feel like one.
thanks for listening guys.
I am disappointed in myself though I know not to beat myself up. I am disappointed that I was not strong enough to deal with life and ran to the pills. I am scared to tell my fiance because I don't want him to think first that I'm so weak and I don't want him to think I'm a junkie - even though right now I feel like one.
thanks for listening guys.
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