Recognizing A Relapse Pattern

Question

Greetings Forum Friends,

I've been away for several days and I'm back. I got through the big party I threw for my hubby's Birthday, but really, I'm most proud of getting through the four days w/the in-laws without losing it. Nevertheless I made it, substance free!!

I'm Day #18, and I want to report a key observation:

I have relapsed while trying to get off pills so many times I can't count. Funny thing is, I never relapse when I'm having a hard time or struggling with some huge life event. I get through those things (deaths in the family, huge work committments, conflicts with loved ones, moving, new jobs, etc.) and THEN I pick up AFTERWARD! Like I need a reward. It happens EVERY time like that. 

In the past I always put so much emphasis on "getting through" a rough time without using, but I really need to put my money where my mouth is!!!! I'm focusing on the wrong thing here. Yesterday the in-laws left, the party was over and successful, and guess what, INTENSE CRAVINGS ALL DAY LONG--it was BRUTAL and I connot believe I survived. I did all the wrong things--I isolated, didn't tell anyone, hung out at home all day without even getting dresses, and sat around alone with these recurring feelings all day long. It was one of the toughest days yet.

Just an observation....It can't hurt to identify our triggers...What are yours?

Love,

--Athena

Marce4 · Answer

I totally agree with you.  I think when we feel that we are safe, that is when the cravings strike!  During a crisis, maybe we are too busy and focused to worry about using but when it is over, like PTSD is when I feel more likely to use.  When I went to my friends house and stole her mom Percs a few weeks back I had just gotten through a tough weekend with my son....I don't know if it was  a reward because I felt like **** afterwards!  Very interesting....my triggers are many! When I am home during the day and cleaning....I was always high when I did that or going to a social function...A lot to think about.

Great job Athena, you are going strong now!!! Keep it up and let's hope we can stay where we are.....You are a great inspiration!!!!
Peace,
Marcie:)

dyblue · Answer

I can totally  relate.  when my child was very sick I was straight the whole time it was later I picked up.  I remember thinking o nothing else but my sick kid I don't think I would have handled everything as well stoned.

oxysbliss · Answer

The 13 year old that lives here, is a trigger for me.....BIG TIME......She's a great kid dont get me wrong, in alot of ways, however....when her and I get into it.....I want to use...BADLY.......yet, I cant tell her that, it isnt like thats her problem...................So I just have to remmeber to breathe with her

Being around others that are using...any drug of choice that I want to stay away from...

Conflict always triggers me to use...
REally sad days, mostly if I cant dig out of it...sometimes I can talk myself out..other times I cant...and wham.............I want to use..

Sunny days...........................When I 'feel' really good....I want to use, and always fighting cravings..throughout the day...if I do pick up........and its for pain...I think see, there you go, cant survive without me..on a good day....Why bother?.................My disease talking...........

I have many more...
Thanks girl, I needed to see some of that .......................its always nice to get little messages of.............Hey, ummm, lol becarful..................Love how this board can keep me in check from day to day..for the most part..

C

RBC3 · Answer

You no that is so me .  I can get thru a crisis and not use .  But on the other side I want it too and I noticed that when I get mad at my b.f.  or think about breakin it off I want to pick up again. Its like I have to have one or the other my man or  pills.  Thank you so much for sharing the insight you have on yourself to others I no it has helped me ,, Thank God I am not in this alone.ooxx

athena-8 · Answer

Thanks to all of you who responded. It really is great to not feel alone in this insanity!!!

Love,

--Athena

Recognizing A Relapse Pattern

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