i've been trying to respond to this post since i first read it...they are working on the lines in my neighborhood and my service has been out more than on for the last 3 days.   i actually did respond yesterday but as soon as i hit the submit button...bam...service gone.

i know that you love your family and it is obvious that your family loves you.   why else would justine still be there?   i know that "clay the addict" says all the mean and hurtful things...but that does not make it easier to hear.    if you know that "clay the addict" hurts the ones that love you the most...then do something about it.  

i can't stress enough how much addiction hurts the family.   we are the ones who have to live with the repercussions of the addicts use.   emotionally...an addict is usually "void" in a relationship.   an addict will say mean and hurtful things.   the addict thinks about himself...getting their DOC...and puts very little into working on anything else.   the family of an addict begins to think that they are not loved or he would not do this.   the feelings of fear are very overwhelming...not knowing if their loved one will come home...will wake up...will get arrested.   every time the phone rings and you are not home...the fear that it will be the police calling or worse yet the coroner...these fears are real and very overwhelming...they consume our lives as much as the drugs consume the addict's life.   financially...OMG...an addict will drain his family dry.   the money spent on drugs...doctor shopping...bail...attorneys...emergency room visits...and the list goes on and on.   how many times does an addict miss work because of drugs.   eventually you start to loose everything...no bank account...no house...no car...nothing.   nothing except your family...and they did nothing to deserve being put in this situation...except LOVE YOU.

clay...i have always supported you and will continue to support your desire to become clean and stay clean.   they say that the best way to judge future behavior is by past behavior...and your past is kind of "shaky" to say the least.   you have proven "many times" that you can stop the pills...but you cannot stay off of them.   that my friend, is what you need to work on most.   you cannot do this alone clay.   tap into every resource that is out there and available to you.   put as much work and determination into "staying clean" as you put into scoring that high.   find your triggers...go to meetings...church...therapy...the forum...rehab...and when you think you are doing enough...think again.   work harder at this than you have ever worked on anything else.   stop hurting yourself and your family.   you are worth the effort clay...and your family, the same family that you have hurt over and over, deserves better.   think bigger...work harder...you can become the man that has been hiding inside of you...you do not have to be scared to become him.   you have to "learn" to be another person...THE SOBER CLAY...not CLAY THE ADDICT.

i wish you continued success in your desire to become and stay clean and i truly believe that you can do this.   i know you want this...do it clay.

huggs,
kim

Hey Clay and Justine.... Best and Best and BEST!

Justine, you sounded much more positive in your last post. I can see things coming together. Clay is going to w/d at home, if I have that correct?? I honestly think this will be the time it will work. There will be rough spots and I'm sure he's not going to be a prince while going through w/d. I see a family coming together....the kind that will work together in the future, and stay together forever. I honestly think the two of you will bond together through this so closely that you'll find a whole new respect for each other.

One of the most important things is don't forget to laugh. Humor can work miracles sometimes. We' re here for you and I'll do my best to keep you laughing when that time gets here.

On your marks...Get Set...Gooooooooooooooooo!!
Hugs to you both.....LS

I have been so busy with the kids that I have had just enough time to read a bit. He is acting much better since reading everyones post.  You guys are an inspiration to us and I feel much better about the situation.  I actually think that he can do it.  

Really though I have spent most of the marriage pretending that nothing was wrong so that I could live a productive life.  I have stayed busy with college and have involved my kids in every activity possible.  Oddly, it was my hair dresser that said, "what are you avoiding with your husband."  I was so shocked that out of my friends she would be the one saying that.

My sponser was also pissed that I didn't call her in three days so I told her about the forum and how supportive it was.  I hope she isn't feeling left out.  Anyway I hope everyone is doing well and we will keep in touch.

God bless everyone, Justine     .  

first of all i want to tell yall i love my family w/all my heart and what i said last night was pure pain talking. i am torn between the meds and everything else, this c/t seems to get worse every time i make the wrong choice its like i cant live w/out them, but im feeling better every day. im so glad that ive got friends here that care about us, it helps alot, im going to be honest that i have have problems starting back in my past in 1983 when my dad was killed in a car wreck, i never delt w/it, i went w/my mom to the trama center when he was life flighted i was 15 at the time, we sat in the trama room w/others that were in alot of pain and that had an inpact on me.my dad was being worked on for 12 hrs and the preist came down to give us prayers (it happened so fast) and the drs followed and told us he had been broud sided and they did everything they could.my mom took me up a long set of stairs to the O R and i saw him and i felt my life was over at that time, i just wanted him back. mom got a lot of money from the insurance co and thought she could buy his loss,and it worked for about 8 cars and money handed to me, i dropped out of H.S. and got my GED and went to A/C and Heating school for a year (i was using any thing and everything the whole time). I milked money from my mom for 20 years,in and out of jail. married my first wife at 22 and she was 17, didnt last 6 mths met justine and she has been trying to clean me up for 13 yrs Clay TX

Lizzie is right. I would really like to know how the two of you are doing. I now addiction is hard on everyone, but don't give up. I really think Clay wants to get clean for his family. You're hearing his addiction talk right now. I know that's not something you should have to do, Justine. You have been supportive and I think you went further than any of the spouses by actually posting and letting us know what's going on.

Clay look around you and see what you stand to lose. You have a family and I don't think you want to lose them. In addiction your D O C becomes your wife, your kids, and your life. It wants to keep it's grip on you. It wants you to fail and lose everything. I'm not being mean. I think you're such a sweet man and I know you want to keep your family together.

Hugs to both of you (((((((((Justine&Clay))))))))