Aa
Back to work 2day and I remember now why I took pills
Hey yall,
Well, I went back to work today. First time since last Friday. I don't work full time, just part time when they call. I have been "avoiding" them all week except for yesterday when I had a dentist appt.
MY DAY STUNK!!! My fibromyalgia, TMJ and chronic back pain reminded me why I have become addicted to pain meds. I spent most of my day with my face in the Bible crying out for help so that I wouldn't go back to the dr and say I needed more meds. That time is coming near. Just a few days and I can go for more if I CHOOSE to. That is the battle I am fighting now. Pain...Pain...body aches.
I try to soak in a hot bath to relieve muscle aches from the fibro but its an old tub and the water just runs out the overflow drain!!!! PISSES ME OFF... I AM ANGRY!!!! ANGRY!!! How could I let myself get in this shape!!! Today is Day 6 c/t. It is the emotional part for me. Anxiety, depression. Comming up on 3 yrs that my mom died from such a HORRIBLE death. TEN DAYS she lay there pukin and poopin blood from serosis (sp?) of the liver. Not from drinking or drugs. FROM A **** blood transfusion before 1991 when they started testing blood for Hepatitis C.
I heard a song on the way to work this morning, Rascal Flats "Stand" I will post the lyrics below. Wonderful message. It really got me through the day. I printed the words as soon as I got to work and read them over and over. Please pray for me. HOW DID I GET TO THIS PLACE IN MY LIFE!!!!
Well, I went back to work today. First time since last Friday. I don't work full time, just part time when they call. I have been "avoiding" them all week except for yesterday when I had a dentist appt.
MY DAY STUNK!!! My fibromyalgia, TMJ and chronic back pain reminded me why I have become addicted to pain meds. I spent most of my day with my face in the Bible crying out for help so that I wouldn't go back to the dr and say I needed more meds. That time is coming near. Just a few days and I can go for more if I CHOOSE to. That is the battle I am fighting now. Pain...Pain...body aches.
I try to soak in a hot bath to relieve muscle aches from the fibro but its an old tub and the water just runs out the overflow drain!!!! PISSES ME OFF... I AM ANGRY!!!! ANGRY!!! How could I let myself get in this shape!!! Today is Day 6 c/t. It is the emotional part for me. Anxiety, depression. Comming up on 3 yrs that my mom died from such a HORRIBLE death. TEN DAYS she lay there pukin and poopin blood from serosis (sp?) of the liver. Not from drinking or drugs. FROM A **** blood transfusion before 1991 when they started testing blood for Hepatitis C.
I heard a song on the way to work this morning, Rascal Flats "Stand" I will post the lyrics below. Wonderful message. It really got me through the day. I printed the words as soon as I got to work and read them over and over. Please pray for me. HOW DID I GET TO THIS PLACE IN MY LIFE!!!!
Rascal Flats song "Stand"
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you, Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Shart holding on, keep holding on
Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oooohhh..
(www.lyricstop.com/albums/rascalflatts/stand.html)
Gotta give the guys a hand on writing this one. Seems like they wrote it just for me and I didn't know it until this morning.
Hope it helps me through another day...
I am just so tired and it is only day 6
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you, Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Shart holding on, keep holding on
Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oooohhh..
(www.lyricstop.com/albums/rascalflatts/stand.html)
Gotta give the guys a hand on writing this one. Seems like they wrote it just for me and I didn't know it until this morning.
Hope it helps me through another day...
I am just so tired and it is only day 6
I did find the Letting Go: The Journey for your Life-Letting Go by Barry Elwin-Jones and just printed it.
Gonna go read it now....will be back later.
Gonna go read it now....will be back later.
I have not posted to you before but I have read a lot of your posts. You know it sounds so much like you blame yourself in this post. The depression and anxiety is physical, your brain is in a complete frenzy right now, it has no idea why it isnt getting the opiates it needs to function and it takes the brain quiite a while to figure out how and when to produce its own opiates like endorpins again. Your doctor gave you medication for pain that you needed, dependence is inevitable, the amount of time it takes is the only variable, though it is similar for most. That is not your fault, you didn't let yourself get this way. You took the meds your dr. gave you to take away the pain so you could function. Now it'shard to function without them b/c ur withdrawing. 6 days of c/t is an eternity and it could get worse just as you begin to feel better, but this means that your brain is that much closer to normalizing itself again. I can only hope that this is a little encouraging.
Have you taken any muscle relaxants or herbal treatments to help your withdrawal symptoms?. c/t is extremely hard on the body, what you feel pysically and emotionally and hormonally is a reflection of what your body is going through inside.
xoxo- D.
Have you taken any muscle relaxants or herbal treatments to help your withdrawal symptoms?. c/t is extremely hard on the body, what you feel pysically and emotionally and hormonally is a reflection of what your body is going through inside.
xoxo- D.
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