I dont agree with some people on here that says tapering does not work but are in fact still taking a drug not to go into w/ds.  Some people do the taper method and stay clean without the use of suboxone,, I agree that you should stop taking them now before getting to this point where you cant stop without subuxone,,,, Peace

BELIEVE me im motivated to not depend on these.  I just want to stop taking these and never take them again.  Im well aware i need to stop now cuz im in the early stages of possible withdrawal.  I just need to know if its best to just flush them and accept what happens or taper and then flush whats left.........

Brian welcome to the assiction forum. If you are here you must be reaaly worried and scared. You are not alone. Here you can tell it all and not be judged.  But you need to be completely honest. Do not hold back ok.

So I am going to be honest and tell you things from my personal experience. I hope you here it and don't take it wrong. This all comes from a good place ok.

I started taking pills for pain. But they made me feel so good I took them just for the high and to feel good. It took me over a year to realize I had an addiction. I thought like you cause in the beginning 60 pills could last me 2 weeks and that was just what 4 or so a day. I don't believe you can measure addiction by the amount you take. Eventually you will need more to feel the same. Cause at the end I was taking about 24 a day. And you know that isn't even considered a lot by addicts terms. But I am still an addict all the same.

And let me tell you my first year when I probably was at the 8 a day or so I had w/d's and they were terrible. Sure not as bad as they were when I was taking more but it was still terrible physically. Coming off these pills is the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life.

Also I am sure tapering has worked for a lot of people si it can be done. But you need to be honest about it. If you are worried why not take them out of the eqaution?  Flush them.

I cannot taper. I try and tell myself I can but if I have pills I will take them.

You see I got clean for 4 months. This last time (which is now) I decided suboxone was for me. Cause I can't get past the emotional part of addiction. So I went on suboxone last week.

I wasn't honest with my doc. I let him put me on about 16mg for the weekend. Well I took more and ran out of suboxone on Sunday. Instead of calling him to adjust my doze I decided that I would just take some pain pills until I coulde see him later today.

You see I didn't get rid of my pills. I kept them hidden. So I took those stupid pills. The suboxone is doing its job. I don't feel nothin'. Not high or anything. But I also don't feel sick.  And now I am scared as **** to tell my doc and I know I need to be on a higher doze of suboxone but I tend to let docs dictate to me what they think is best.

Then I worry he will kick me out of the program and if that happens I don't know what I will do. I need the suboxone. It is magic for me. It doesn't make me high but instead makes me feel normal and I am able to function. Probably better then when I was taking pills even.

So I think you need to be honest w/yourslef and admit you have an addiction to them cause to me it sounds like you do. Just because you don't take a lot doesn't mean you are safe. And if you keep lying to yourself you will make it worse.

Right now your w/d's won't be so bad. They still might be hard but nothing compared to what will happen if you don't stop.  My firs attempt at c/t it took about 4 sleepless nights. My last try and c/t I couldn't sleep for about 2 wks. The last time I went into rehab and had traditional detox meds so the first 4 days I was able to sleep.

When they cut me loose I didn't really get sleep for like 2 months and that is no lie. It was pure hell.

I started using again and that is why this time I turned to suboxone. I just couldn't go through another 4 months of what I went through. I have been sleeping well this time.

Pills will take over your life. It changes your brain literally and you won't be able to make choices on your own cause your brain will win everytime.

So if you taper and you start taking more then what you set out to take it won't work. It doesn't mean you are a bad person at all it just means you may need another way. And if you fall off the horse get back on. Don't tell yourself you can't try again. But try something else. Keep trying until you find what works.

And keep coming to this blog because it helps to talk with others that know exactly what you are going through.

Take care of yourslef and you are in my thoughts.

Ok so heres a question.  If i flush them right now and never take one again, will i have any withdrawal?  Ive probably taken 90 total in the last 30 days.  Im mostly afraid to find out if im gonna have withdrawal because of the job interviews. i cant fail, if i dont get a job soon i wont have money to pay my bills.  This is really a big reason why im afraid to stop.

By the way i didnt take any offense to any of your comments.  I only want honesty.  Im assuming my withdrawals will be minor.........im gonna do this.

Ok im about to flush them...............lets see 16 plus 70..........ive take 86 in about 25 days.  Im ready, i just need some encouragement.  Someone just tell me my withdrawal, if any, will be very minor, so i can do this with confidence.  Just dont like to me lol.  

honestly, its impossible to say what kind of w/ds your gonna experience. mine were minor at first, if at all, and then one day BANG i experienced "full blown" w/ds and it shocked the **** out of me.

i dont want to discourage you, i'm only being honest....

many ppl here think that "flushing" them is the only way, i personally dont. but then again i do suffer from pain and know i will need them eventually. flushing them HAS TO BE something YOU ARE READY TO DO...i have heard that it is very empowering to do so. but again i'm in a different situation.

one thing i can assure you of is that if you do have w/ds the worst part is over by day 3, thats the turning point, by day 4 you feel better and continue to do so everyday. so today is Monday, if you have a job interview on Friday you should be okay regardless. i honestly think that you wont have any severe physical w/d's because it's only been a month. However from what you posted, i think you may depend on them alot more mentally and the mental w/d's for alot of ppl is worse than the physical. you avoid the diarhea, hot/cold sweats, etc. but your cravings, energy and sense of well being can take a pretty long time to get past when it comes to the mental aspect. no matter how you look at it, you have a chance of experiencing all of it or just some. just remember the longer you keep taking them, the worse your w/d's will be both mentally and physically. right now you stand a good chance of breezing through it.

i know 99% of us here wish we could go back and STOP at the point of our addiction that you are at now. all i can say is to PLEASE do what is best for you....

i'll be on for a little while longer tonight if you have any more questions or need help...

luv ya,
tink :)

Ok well thanks for the info!  I know ur not a psychic and cant tell me what exactly will happen!  I didnt expect you to but you did seem to think at my point of taking these(and possible addiction) that it shouldnt be too bad and that was helpful.  Since you responded first, and people seem to give different advice, i will ask yours and go with it.  I got about 22 pills left. You know the amounts ive been taking.  Whatever i do i KNOW im never getting them again, for obvious reasons, not to mention that i cant AFFORD to buy them again. so anyway, would you do a taper like i was planning? Would you just c/t and flush them? Honestly what do you think my best choice would be?  

You are already addicted. The mental addiction is exactly what you have described. The Pills give you a feeling of well being, and when you dont take them you get depressed. I just like you could breeze thru any physical WD. It was always the mental that tripped me up. You sound just like me 2 1/2 years ago, (I will only use to get the job done) Then ( I will quit next week ) Then ( this is the worst time to quit yada yada yada. Your Taper is a little too aggressive You either need to slow down or just go CT. you are feeling the WD right now and while it may only be 50% of Full blown WD why go thru 10 days of 50% when you could do 4 days of 100% and be done. Why not get your new Job sober. There is no good time to WD but while you are unemployed is as good of a time as any! YOu can do it

thanks for your help in advance

By the way, i think the FEAR of what these pills are doing and could do to me is as bad as any withdrawal i may go through.  Im definetly stopping, just hoping someone to lead me to either flushing or tapering.  I just want the best option, and go with it.

one thing i am wondering and i dont remember if you said so or not, do you still have pain??? that in itself would play a roll in how i would go about it.

From everything you've told me, i would NOT flush them. at least not yet. Again, only you know yourself, LOL but you seem to be a smart person and the fact that you've come here and posted, or even worried about having an addiction this early shows that you are VERY AWARE of the dangers these pills posess. i would try NOT TAKING ANYMORE and see where you stand. w/d's usually start about 24hrs after you stop. but the lack of energy i and alot of ppl feel just by not taking any pills after their last one wears off at 4-6 hrs. i highly doubt you'll have any severe w/ds. the only way to know exactly how this will effect you is to stop c/t.

then if you find that you're experience w/d's that are alot worse than you thought, i would plan a taper schedule to begin to help ease the w/d's and get you back to normal :)  just keep in mind that a taper plan takes ALOT of WILLPOWER...i personally could never taper on my own, it was just to easy to take an "extra one" (i admit lack of willpower, lol) so when i did taper i had my sister hold the pills for me.  i am online pretty much everyday, during the day. i live in Wisconsin and am on central time....if you need any help or have a question, just post to me.

please let me know how it goes, i'll keep you in my prayers....

luv ya,
tink :)

Thank you SO much and actually if you hadnt responded just now, that  is what i was going to do..........why not try c/t and if im fine, then flush them, if im not, taper!  Plus, if i DID feel awful right before my upcoming interview, i could take 1/2 pill to get through it.  I am thankful for your advice and right now im heading out to let off some stress and have a few drinks.  That is something i know im not addicted to and i havent gone out and had several in a looooooooooong time.  It should eliminate a lot of this stress and help me stop thinking about all of my problems obsessively.  Talk to you tomorrow, im sure!

Oh by the way, no the pain is minimal.  The past 3-5 days ive taken them just to feel better, to be honest.

go out and have a good time :) its good to be honest (which you are) about why your taking the pills. trust me, when you lie about it you only hurt yourself.... i'll be on bright and early in the morning. like you i have no job right now....

please post to me tomorrow and let me know how its going for you. what you end up doing, it you take a pill, dont take one, feel great or not.... just let me know......

have fun.....

luv ya,
tink  :)

i know this is not what you want to hear, but you asked for advise and here it is.....

STOP, STOP, STOP.....PLEASE!!!!!

from your post you sound EXACTLY LIKE ME ABOUT 6YRS AGO!!!!!!!!!

i've been on pain meds since i was 19yrs old (i'm 32yrs old now) and i NEVER, i repeat NEVER had any addiction what-so-ever until about 5 1/2 to 6 yrs ago. Thats when my husband left me (for a 19yr old and i had a 4yr old and 6month old) I WAS DEPRESSED!!!!! and thats when I made the worst decision of my life.... i found (like you) that my pain pills not only took away my physical pain, but took away my emotional pain too.... it didnt take me more than 1 MONTH before i was a full blown addict...and trust me (and everyone else here) once you cross that line you can NEVER, EVER undo it... once and addict always an addict.

Please dont think i'm being mean or harsh on you....quite the opposite, i know the pain and loss pills bring to your life and if you think your depressed now....let me tell you that pain pills only make you "feel good" for a short time. it wont be long before THEY WILL BE THE CAUSE OF YOUR DEPRESSION....

have you tried taking anti-depressants??? if so, and they didnt work, keep in mind there are so many different ones out there. thats what happaned to me... the first 3 anti-depressants i was on didnt work, so i self-medicated with my pain pills. by the time i found the right anti-depressant for me, it was too late...i was already an addict.

Again, please dont take this the wrong way, i honestly dont mean to offend you, i'm only being 100% honest with you. anyone here will tell you that withdrawals from opiates are worse than dying. when you go thru them there are time you'll think your  really dying.

Please keep posting so many of us are here to help....

luv ya,
tink  :)