Trying to be strong..

Question

Hey Everyone. First of all i would like to thank all of you that reply to my comments.. They give me alot of hope, when i dont seem to have much anymore. As some of you know my husband is addicted to oxycotin. Last night we went to NA together. I had the strongest feeling he was on something. He was dozing off, sweating. and stuttering like he used to when he was on pills all the time. So i confronted him and he hit the fan. He told me he is is sick of this always being about me. And he was sick of  me always thinking he wasnt clean. I asked him to take a drug test and he said ok. Well this was at about 8 and i finally went to bed at 11. He sat in the bathroom all that time supposedly "trying to pee" but he couldnt. Last night i also found out he has been calls from his phone so i dont know he calls certain people, and deleting texts as well. I dont know what to do, once again. I feel like im giving and giving and giving but i get nothing in return. I feel like we are stuck in reverse. We have a 3 month old little girl and we have only been married 8 months, we shoudl still be in the honeymoon stage. Instead we are trying to deal with this. Im just so tired of getting lied to. It hurts so bad. I feel like a fool because he has lied so much. I dont want to have to leave but i dont want to be miserable anymore either. I love him so much! But i feel i dont know him. He told me last night i was supposed to be his best friend, but im not because i dont understand him. I dont want my marriage to fail...

luvinajunky · Answer

How can one be encouraging and supportive if they truely believe they are being lied to.  My live-in boyfriend (father of my 14yr old son) has been a heroin addict for the past 15 years.  He has been to several treatment facilities but has always relapsed.  We have only been together since last October. He was totally out of the picture until he was admitted to the hospital with endocarditis ( I was working as a nurse at the same hospital).  We talked and after his hospital stay (45 days), he came home with me.  I thought he was clean but found out he was again using.  He is on probation for a crime he committed prior to his hospitalization. He knows he needs to stop using and says he really wants to quit.  He sounds so serious when he speaks of it....how tired he is of the "game", of waking up sick day after day and living just to use.  He is really a great guy and I would love to make a life with him. Sometimes I think that I'm just wasting my time fantasizing about a life I will never have then I get so pissed off for allowing myself to believe in something that may never happen.  He had been on methadone for several weeks then weaned himself off.  When I question him about relapsing he gets very defensive.  I want to be supportive and encouraging but am finding it very hard when I have that nagging feeling that all is not well.

Iloverusty · Answer

If you do not know what it feels like to take drugs and come off of them you need to be careful when handling the situation.  You need to give him all of your support and let him know that the only way you can do it is if he comes clean with you.  Don't give up on him just yet, there is hope.  When you go to Alanon meetings listen to the addicts /family, friends of addict and gather all the information you can to help with your situation.  He will be grateful when you are supportive not judgemental. Good luck...

Kirsten1818 · Answer

Thank you very much. I really do love them advice i get. I just wish i could just yell at him to snap out of it. Its so hard. I need to be strong, yet i feel so weak and torn down. I have never heard of the meetings you suggested but im looking into them right now. Thanks!

Marce4 · Answer

I stand by what I said yesterday.....take care of you and your child first.  Your husband is the only one who can decide that enough is enough and he needs to get clean.  If you suspect he is using, you are probably right!  Don't let him put this on you....it is not you causing the problem! Addicts are the best liars and manipulators.....especially to themselves. Have you thought about going to Alanon or Narcanon (I'm not sure if that is the correct group) but it is for the loved ones of addicts.  If he asks for your support then by all means, give it to him but do not let him put the blame on you...you have to be strong!  My father and my sister are alcoholics and when they were drunk, everything was my or my mother's fault....I actually believed this until I went to an Alanon meeting....ironic how I turned out to be an addict to in my early 40's and became guilty of the same behaviors as them....

Peace and I hope your husband finds his way back to his family!
Marcie:)

Trying to be strong..

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