Aa
Morning
Im awake! I feel GREAT! My life is chaos still in some parts..and I still cry...........but I havent had a desire to live in a very long time! Its here, right now.......I havent had a thought of jumping........ramming hte car into something, drowning, or even joking about my death........Trust me, I do that.....You guys dont see that side of me...........really........and I usually make light of when my death will come...When I have friends that say I shouldnt worry so much, it will cause heart issues or whatever, I say bring it....couldnt come fast enough..When someone tells me not to eat salt ....and drink more water...I add more salt and skip the glass........Sick eh? But its a way of sabotoge!
Im not perfect......I still have my faults...but I will tell you something...I dont complelty think Im a loser that deserves nothing...Im a woman...That deserves the world, and whatever that world offers!!
I know I have said it before...but I am saying it again...why? Because...all of you people struggling right now..and so on and so forth..Things can change.....Change your persepective even if you dont believe it...Write good things to yourself on paper and stick them on your walls, your doors, everywhere on things that you see everyday...Sooner or later, your mind starts repeating those things..nad you start believing them!
there is alight on the other side! Its there...Just reach out and grab it...hold it close...and keep saying positive things........FAke it till you make it if you have to....and even when you screw up and you arent living to your expectations....Tell yourself......I have been worse before, its not that bad..and I will walk threw it!! Avoiding makes things bigger...just facing it....changes something..Believe....
Im not perfect......I still have my faults...but I will tell you something...I dont complelty think Im a loser that deserves nothing...Im a woman...That deserves the world, and whatever that world offers!!
I know I have said it before...but I am saying it again...why? Because...all of you people struggling right now..and so on and so forth..Things can change.....Change your persepective even if you dont believe it...Write good things to yourself on paper and stick them on your walls, your doors, everywhere on things that you see everyday...Sooner or later, your mind starts repeating those things..nad you start believing them!
there is alight on the other side! Its there...Just reach out and grab it...hold it close...and keep saying positive things........FAke it till you make it if you have to....and even when you screw up and you arent living to your expectations....Tell yourself......I have been worse before, its not that bad..and I will walk threw it!! Avoiding makes things bigger...just facing it....changes something..Believe....
lol.............Did you even read the post? Just curious.......It talks about how the death feelings arent there, that I have a desire to live today! IN which I havent felt for a much long time! ....................
Though, I understand what your saying, yet in this case........Ummm....lol I'm far from depressed!!
Good to see you though............I havent seen much of you.........and I must admit Im a bit resentful..........however................life goes on..........and so does this forum!
I really do hope you are doin well! and it is good to see you post!! Happy thoughts and Prayers
Love
C
Though, I understand what your saying, yet in this case........Ummm....lol I'm far from depressed!!
Good to see you though............I havent seen much of you.........and I must admit Im a bit resentful..........however................life goes on..........and so does this forum!
I really do hope you are doin well! and it is good to see you post!! Happy thoughts and Prayers
Love
C
Hey there C.....you sound amazingly centered....Grace, my middle daughter (8 yr old) is so much like you, very spiritual and a free spirit....she finds all the good in people and in nature and I could take some lessons from her....she is one of a kind (I love all my children equally but there is something unique in Grace)! You both are always able to see the glass half full....I often see it half empty but am trying to turn that around!
Lizzie....not lurking today....just wanted to start my day off by catching up on the forum....will be at sporting events today and then party so won't be here after this.....when is the next wedding????? Are you ready? How has Christian been feeling? Haven't talked much to you but think of you often! You need to make another Youtube video....c'mon...showcase those talents!!LOL!
Clay...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! So glad you can celebrate this day sober.....I'm sure your wife is very proud of you too! You are tough so keep doing what works for you....I know NA is a very powerful resource and has worked for so many....Keep working the program....I wish I had the guts to go back but I am terrifed to go alone! I do keep reading the handbook....don't know if that is enough to substitute! So far so good...3 1/2 months clean....My husband has noticed a good change in me so hopefully I'm doing something right! Enjoy that steak and have a great day!
Peace,
Marcie:)
Lizzie....not lurking today....just wanted to start my day off by catching up on the forum....will be at sporting events today and then party so won't be here after this.....when is the next wedding????? Are you ready? How has Christian been feeling? Haven't talked much to you but think of you often! You need to make another Youtube video....c'mon...showcase those talents!!LOL!
Clay...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! So glad you can celebrate this day sober.....I'm sure your wife is very proud of you too! You are tough so keep doing what works for you....I know NA is a very powerful resource and has worked for so many....Keep working the program....I wish I had the guts to go back but I am terrifed to go alone! I do keep reading the handbook....don't know if that is enough to substitute! So far so good...3 1/2 months clean....My husband has noticed a good change in me so hopefully I'm doing something right! Enjoy that steak and have a great day!
Peace,
Marcie:)
AA and NA have amazing points too..............There is such great advice there...I know...I still go by some little things I remember..........Thats where some of my lessons have been!! Where you find yours and what works for you!! Chat it up!! Do it....spread to others...Something will click for each of us sometimes slowly but it will!!
I know you have had some hard times..............yet...Clay, you also had a sober birthday...first one in 20 years!! lol I saw that post.........And wow.........ya could you have said that.............6 months ago...a year ago...Things change and so do you..EVerything that ever worked for you..use again..and just keep practicing them....and there wham...the perespctive has changed.......slowly.................
Chin up!!
Happy thoughts and Prayers
Love
C
Its great to see you post..I have read different updates from you over hte past little while!! Keep plugging along...in all of that..youare moving forward!!
I know you have had some hard times..............yet...Clay, you also had a sober birthday...first one in 20 years!! lol I saw that post.........And wow.........ya could you have said that.............6 months ago...a year ago...Things change and so do you..EVerything that ever worked for you..use again..and just keep practicing them....and there wham...the perespctive has changed.......slowly.................
Chin up!!
Happy thoughts and Prayers
Love
C
Its great to see you post..I have read different updates from you over hte past little while!! Keep plugging along...in all of that..youare moving forward!!
the hardest thing for me is living in the moment,it sux but thats whats working for me.my GOD and the program says that will work,im notpushing aaon anyonebut its working for me god bless Cless Clay TX
Clay HAPPY BIRHTDAY!! Been chatting all morning and I dont even think I said once yet lol...............
Lizzy, I have you on IM, however your away right now, as I am chatting up a storm.........This is the BEST time to get in touch with me...I am usually going back and forth to the computer at this time, by noon, I no longer really have much access....other than a quick post..............and a night, well, Im dead to the world...apart of my physical symtoms even off the meds....for the most part.........at least..........Tests, tests, tests....I have a list they are running thru lol...........but at least I will hopefully find something out..This isnt right! Anyhoo.........Good Luck with the Weddings, I do believe there is one more ...I think lol........Remember to take a few looks and breathe in and say...Well....whatever you remember at that point in time...Write down even...Those memories are...........irreplaceable!!
Marcie, Thank you! I've always been told that I had an old soul...........I remember thinking my entire life what a thing to live up to......Wow, apart of me thinks IM on my way to leading a healing life....I just still need to walk thru my own things......I also believe I am going to live for a very long time! I dont know why but I do........even in all my descrution I used to say....."Im destinted to live for a long time.....110 even, and if I have to suffer than so be it"...............Those tapes are changing mind you.......yet, telling myself that....really leads me to believe I have a heck of alot to live up to...within myself mostly..........I believee to some degree I will always see people the same....that we are only beings......yet...somehow...family!
Well, I have just totally rambled here havent I...I mentioned I wanted to take the whole day and do some catching up and returning of emails......yet I have a bunch of beadwork in front of me...........and well........my cousin is on vacation I have all the time in the world to do it..So Im keeping very busy.........I dont usually have a full day like this.......or it has been a long time...I slept over 16 hours yesterday....I was exhausted still happened, this is usually my only time awake......enough and no one is around to go on the computer.............lol
Alright............I do love nad miss you all.......Just have a little patience in me....I am pretty busy! lol.......
Love
C
Lizzy, I have you on IM, however your away right now, as I am chatting up a storm.........This is the BEST time to get in touch with me...I am usually going back and forth to the computer at this time, by noon, I no longer really have much access....other than a quick post..............and a night, well, Im dead to the world...apart of my physical symtoms even off the meds....for the most part.........at least..........Tests, tests, tests....I have a list they are running thru lol...........but at least I will hopefully find something out..This isnt right! Anyhoo.........Good Luck with the Weddings, I do believe there is one more ...I think lol........Remember to take a few looks and breathe in and say...Well....whatever you remember at that point in time...Write down even...Those memories are...........irreplaceable!!
Marcie, Thank you! I've always been told that I had an old soul...........I remember thinking my entire life what a thing to live up to......Wow, apart of me thinks IM on my way to leading a healing life....I just still need to walk thru my own things......I also believe I am going to live for a very long time! I dont know why but I do........even in all my descrution I used to say....."Im destinted to live for a long time.....110 even, and if I have to suffer than so be it"...............Those tapes are changing mind you.......yet, telling myself that....really leads me to believe I have a heck of alot to live up to...within myself mostly..........I believee to some degree I will always see people the same....that we are only beings......yet...somehow...family!
Well, I have just totally rambled here havent I...I mentioned I wanted to take the whole day and do some catching up and returning of emails......yet I have a bunch of beadwork in front of me...........and well........my cousin is on vacation I have all the time in the world to do it..So Im keeping very busy.........I dont usually have a full day like this.......or it has been a long time...I slept over 16 hours yesterday....I was exhausted still happened, this is usually my only time awake......enough and no one is around to go on the computer.............lol
Alright............I do love nad miss you all.......Just have a little patience in me....I am pretty busy! lol.......
Love
C
Well hello oxy,
Have you been smoking the peyote, your thoughts of death and fake it to make it will only get you into trouble.............
If this is how your mind escapes its risky but to each its own........
This place you seek I hope you find it and once you do may you find peace within yourself giving up is for the lost without hope. Tears from a clown are hurtful but it's smile can bring much happiness........
There is a price to smile as there is a price for deep sorrow but how much are you willing to give is the real question.......
M
Have you been smoking the peyote, your thoughts of death and fake it to make it will only get you into trouble.............
If this is how your mind escapes its risky but to each its own........
This place you seek I hope you find it and once you do may you find peace within yourself giving up is for the lost without hope. Tears from a clown are hurtful but it's smile can bring much happiness........
There is a price to smile as there is a price for deep sorrow but how much are you willing to give is the real question.......
M
AMEN SISTER CHARITY...AMEN ! ! !
you are worth it...you can be happy...it is all up to you what you make of your life and how you decide to live it.
i am so happy to see you being so positive about your life...makes my heart sing a little song...lol
i hope you have a wonderful weekend sweetie...
huggs,
kim
you are worth it...you can be happy...it is all up to you what you make of your life and how you decide to live it.
i am so happy to see you being so positive about your life...makes my heart sing a little song...lol
i hope you have a wonderful weekend sweetie...
huggs,
kim
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