So glad to hear you are doing well to and 26 days is a lifetime when it comes to these little concentrated heroin pills.  This is my last day on Suboxone and really, I am glad!  I started on a small dose to begin with... one of the girls there started out on 2wice what I was on.  I am going to write up a little desertation on the brief period of wisdom that I got as a newcomer later to cut and paste for the real newbies with 4 days or less.  You and I are still newcomers at 26 and my 23 days.  One of the amazing things that I learned is that our brains, when addicted, can psychosomatically make up pain to get the drug.  Also that are healing slows way down.  Me working a very physical job, could not understand why little sores took so long to heal and muscle fatigue grew and grew until I would have to sleep for a day.  Once I get it composed I'll post it.
take care
jim

PS
I would love to hear Dutchess Golden's view on these parts of the addiction; the psychosomatic and healing aspects of our addiction to opiates?

Hello Girly! Congrats on 26! You appear to be feeling better today - I was worried about you the last couple times you posted - I'm very happy to see you on an upbeat.

Me -- well - amazingly enough, I'm still 6 days behind you. I'm still riding the roller coaster - I still seem to have more bad days than good, but the good do happen. I've been pretty anti-social lately - I prefer to be left alone... however, I like knowing people are around, should I be in the mood to talk. Isn't that a bit strange?? heh -- Today was pretty bad, I had to do something at work I detest - that made me pretty annoyed - I also hurt myself doing it. What REALLY sucked was a co-worker saw me massaging my neck - she asked about my meds - and I don't want my co-workers to know what's going on - they know I'm in pain and take pain meds (no one at work knows I quit, I don't think it's good for my job-status to know that I've had a problem)... so I told her, I hadn't taken anything in awhile. She poo-pah's me and told me she'd be back in a minute - comes to my desk and held out her hand - I asked what she had, and she said 'Vicodin'.

I - almost - died....

I declined, stating I couldn't take her meds - I tried to play it off that I would feel bad knowing I took something that she needed. She insisted, I told her I really couldn't. She then said it wasn't a big deal, but I knew where she was if I changed my mind.

At that point, I knew I needed to get busy - so I left my room and did some stuff i've been slacking on - I came back 30 minutes later, and there's the Vicodin, sitting on my keyboard.

I soo wanted to take it -- I also sooo wanted to throw it away. I ended up putting it in my desk drawer - and went without taking it -- sadly it is still in there.

I'm not really having cravings - but I am also bummed/bored/depressed more often than not lately - I keep feeling like if I was still taking meds, but not abusing them, I'd be still my happy self. However, my problem is, I can't take them without abusing them. There is no "just 3", heck even 4-5 -- I over induldge, and my tolerance builds quickly.

Even being 3 weeks I'd be willing to wager that if I started taking 'just a couple' today, I'd be up to 10+/day within a week.

Such a sad life I've been living lately - sad in the fact it's all my own doing.

O'well - I hope my 'good' times start coming more frequently. If I'm still feeling this way at the 1 month mark - it's going to be hard to not reason with myself why I shouldn't go find a new Dr -- with the neck problems I have, it wouldn't be hard. Gah - it sucks to feel like I'm fighting a losing battle after 3 weeks -- especially when I've had WDs in the past that only lasted 1 week. :/

*fights a little bit longer*

Sorry for a negative note - I've just been having a bad time lately.

I hope that you are still here and get a chance to read this. I still am having ups and downs, somedays are better than others, I really had to fight with myself not to go back to bed today. I think it's harder being home all the time. As far as wanting to be alone, ha, I have a list of people I have to return phone calls too, I just don't want to talk to anyone anymore. I have made excuses all week to my bf as to why I did not answer my phone. Nobody seems to understand. The only communication I have lately is on this board. You really need to pat yourself on the back because you turned down that pill! That wasn't easy, I found some in my sock drawer and thought OMG, just one....., but then I flushed them. You are right about the 3 a day pill thing, I could never go back to that because I know just like you I would be taking 10-15 a day again! Keep on fighting, you are doing SO good, whether you think so or not. Think of how long you were taking the pills and where you are now? It is just going to take some time to get it back. You are always in my thoughts because I feel like we are doing this together since we started so close. I am very proud of you that you have made it this far, keep up the good work!!! : )

Throw the stuped little lie into the toilet or give it back but do get rid of it.... Your addiction will find a way to talk you into it and vwala... here we go again.  It gets better and better or so I am told... I did take the easy way out but I know how easy it is to get back in...

You two seem to have the most incommon with me when it comes to c/t and w/d.  Boy was it ever hard not to go back to meds knowing that I had a Dr that would perscrib. especialy on the days that I saw no reason for me to be off!!  I felt as though I was a better person on meds and that this time Ii would just controll it.  Finally at the 33 day mark I was blessed with some energy.  Still have stomache problems, but feeling pretty blessed.

You two are doing so great!!!!  Keep going!!!!  I know relief hope is just around corner!!!!!  

Thanks all for the input - and sorry to steal your wind, DesertGirl.

Thanks all for the input - it is always reassuring to hear that it will get better. It is funny how you think 'I'm always gonna be this way'. It tends to be discouraging - I think back on how day 12 I felt "almost human" and how I've been the past few days. I *know* I have the potential to be good again - I guess I'm just being impatient. And yea - I had been taking for almost 4 years, and abusing for 1.5.

As for flushing - I believe I will tomorrow -- the funny thing is, last night I had my best sleep in 3 weeks. Almost 5 straight hours, with another 2, waking up every 15m. The thought of taking the pill made me worry, that I might go back to 2 hours of sleep -- that was the biggest motivator *not* to take it. Whether or not, that would have happened, it doesn't matter, it stopped me from doing so.

On a more postive note - I felt better after taking a bath -- though my whole body was pruned from that one - I was in for about an hour. lol

glad to hear that you are feeling better and you did not steal my wind, i am very honest and open about everything, i think everyone has thier ups and downs no matter how they are feeling : )