Aa
Day 5 starts today
WEll...I made it to the meeting..walked up..they were on break....asked if it was the meeting and cried...and asked for a hug....Only place I know where I can walk up to perfect strangers....and ask for a hug....
I have alot of resentments with the program I really do...I feel like I gained a life there and then lost it just as easily and it tore me apart.......So I really dont know how I feel about going to a meeting or even if I will go back.....I just know I needed to do something yesterday.....I really wanted to smoke a joint soo badly yesterday..I was annoyed and irritable.....it was NUTS..........
After the meeting I picked up the boys at Lacrosse..only my 2 actually 3 cousins but the other doesnt live here...Anyways....I picked them up....They asked me to go to Dairy Queen.....and I thought, yea I could use an ice cream.......Then I was asked to go up further to the gas station I asked for what.....you know for what he told me.....I SNAPPED.....
AFter I quit smoking weed...you want ME to HELP YOU...PICK UP.....??? Are you stupid or something? The only response I got after I asked him why should I help you? I got...So I can make money..........well now.......I was driving..in control of the car...I turned around...and drove home.....I yelled and cried and just SNAPPED......I was soo upset
I came home..went to my room and cried my eyes out..and now I have to lol run out to drop off the little one and my cousin so I will finish this hwen I get home...
Sorry for the lol little break here...have to run
BRB
I have alot of resentments with the program I really do...I feel like I gained a life there and then lost it just as easily and it tore me apart.......So I really dont know how I feel about going to a meeting or even if I will go back.....I just know I needed to do something yesterday.....I really wanted to smoke a joint soo badly yesterday..I was annoyed and irritable.....it was NUTS..........
After the meeting I picked up the boys at Lacrosse..only my 2 actually 3 cousins but the other doesnt live here...Anyways....I picked them up....They asked me to go to Dairy Queen.....and I thought, yea I could use an ice cream.......Then I was asked to go up further to the gas station I asked for what.....you know for what he told me.....I SNAPPED.....
AFter I quit smoking weed...you want ME to HELP YOU...PICK UP.....??? Are you stupid or something? The only response I got after I asked him why should I help you? I got...So I can make money..........well now.......I was driving..in control of the car...I turned around...and drove home.....I yelled and cried and just SNAPPED......I was soo upset
I came home..went to my room and cried my eyes out..and now I have to lol run out to drop off the little one and my cousin so I will finish this hwen I get home...
Sorry for the lol little break here...have to run
BRB
So after I came home.....I was really hurt..I really am trying ot quit drugs here folks...and I think Im doing a pretty good job..its hard to be around and live with pot smokers...I know it isnt really around me, but it sorta is......and it does bother me when I am freaking out..because I just want to smoke one
so my cousin came in and asked me what happened..I havent personally myself told her he is selling..she found that out by him on her own....so I didnt exactly tell her what he said about him making money.....but she knows anyways........I found that out last night............He isnt respectful of anyone's choices...he eats way too mcuh..doesn't respect the rules and even drives my cousin nuts...
So last night, he was asked to leave...Now, this is a very tough choice..because its not liekthe kid is really bad or anything....he's just very selffish.........and only thinks of himself......He is on his last month to graduate....and he's doign a aprenticeship to become a electrician....he has his life mapped out and made..basically...yes, he has done the work too but alot of what he has is because of what other people have done for him..Because we love him..yet he walks around like its all about him...Which is very sad....
We are at a cross roads adn realy dont know what to do....I wish he would just change..and see how selffish he is being..I drove him to work this morning, no Im sorry but he didnt talk to me more than normal...I wonder if he is just kissing ass......I have no clue....I want him to finish school...I love this kid..I have known him his entire life..it hurts..and then when Im going thru my own stuff....it hurts even more.....We know we are kickign him out..but we want him to at least finish school....his last month and he has alot of work to do to graduate what he odesnt udnerstand is that...if he doesnt this year he can lose his job.........and he thinks he can just go back next year...well hunny the real world doesn't work out the way YOU want it to...it never does...and your plans are often messed up.....you cant plan any outcomes ......God does that......
So this is my struggles...today....
I am still drug free.....................even willingly.....
Please keep me in your prayers...I really can use a miracle here....
Happy Thoughts adn Prayers
Love
C
so my cousin came in and asked me what happened..I havent personally myself told her he is selling..she found that out by him on her own....so I didnt exactly tell her what he said about him making money.....but she knows anyways........I found that out last night............He isnt respectful of anyone's choices...he eats way too mcuh..doesn't respect the rules and even drives my cousin nuts...
So last night, he was asked to leave...Now, this is a very tough choice..because its not liekthe kid is really bad or anything....he's just very selffish.........and only thinks of himself......He is on his last month to graduate....and he's doign a aprenticeship to become a electrician....he has his life mapped out and made..basically...yes, he has done the work too but alot of what he has is because of what other people have done for him..Because we love him..yet he walks around like its all about him...Which is very sad....
We are at a cross roads adn realy dont know what to do....I wish he would just change..and see how selffish he is being..I drove him to work this morning, no Im sorry but he didnt talk to me more than normal...I wonder if he is just kissing ass......I have no clue....I want him to finish school...I love this kid..I have known him his entire life..it hurts..and then when Im going thru my own stuff....it hurts even more.....We know we are kickign him out..but we want him to at least finish school....his last month and he has alot of work to do to graduate what he odesnt udnerstand is that...if he doesnt this year he can lose his job.........and he thinks he can just go back next year...well hunny the real world doesn't work out the way YOU want it to...it never does...and your plans are often messed up.....you cant plan any outcomes ......God does that......
So this is my struggles...today....
I am still drug free.....................even willingly.....
Please keep me in your prayers...I really can use a miracle here....
Happy Thoughts adn Prayers
Love
C
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