Aa
Just wanted help myself
I was a regular poster up till couple of months ago. I have posted a couple of times since then to ppl I either really relate to, think I can offer some knowledge and in support of someone. I have been a regular lurker other than that.I have wanted to post about this on the board and even written the post's out several times over the past several of weeks, only to end up not posting it. I came back because I'm having a really hard time with life myself. I stopped taking over l000mg of MScontin and methadone which was prescribed to me for several chronic pain issues 90 days ago. I had never chased the high nor taken them as they weren't prescribed, but over several years my tolerance built and built. I myself was sick of not feeling anything, my emotions had shut down and had been that way for a long time. So after much convincing I got my pain mgmt. Dr's to let me come off them with the help of subutex, which I am still weaning that. They keep telling me that there will always be some periods of time or another that I will have to go back on pain meds, but I don't want to ever feel that way again.
I personally never thought of myself as an addict, it was obvious to me that I was chemically dependent (if there's no difference then I am an addict). I thought that when I stopped I would just go back to life, except I would have to live it with pain. I have no idea what is going on inside my brain. I just know that I am not doing so well, I can't really explain the way I feel except to say that I can't get back into life. I have no debt, nothing hanging over my head that would make me have to hide. But still I find myself not able to get out and back into things. It's as if I'm being held back by some internal force. I go out and try to get back into it, but I just find myself thinking about how long it will be until I can go back to my house. It's like something has changed in me (not for the good either). I was always out there busy doing something (before and during the meds), and now it's like I don't know how to live. I know that I can't go on like this, I'm NOT thinking of going back on pills. I have absolutely no desire or have I even thought about them, other than I hope I can live forever w/o them. I just don't understand what is happening to me. Is there anyone out there that feels this or can explain what is going on. I have a full life, but get very anxious when I go out and I have never felt like this before.
Thank you in advance to anyone who has taken the time to read this. All reply's welcome and needed.
God Bless and God speed to your recovery,
Gypsy-Melissa
I personally never thought of myself as an addict, it was obvious to me that I was chemically dependent (if there's no difference then I am an addict). I thought that when I stopped I would just go back to life, except I would have to live it with pain. I have no idea what is going on inside my brain. I just know that I am not doing so well, I can't really explain the way I feel except to say that I can't get back into life. I have no debt, nothing hanging over my head that would make me have to hide. But still I find myself not able to get out and back into things. It's as if I'm being held back by some internal force. I go out and try to get back into it, but I just find myself thinking about how long it will be until I can go back to my house. It's like something has changed in me (not for the good either). I was always out there busy doing something (before and during the meds), and now it's like I don't know how to live. I know that I can't go on like this, I'm NOT thinking of going back on pills. I have absolutely no desire or have I even thought about them, other than I hope I can live forever w/o them. I just don't understand what is happening to me. Is there anyone out there that feels this or can explain what is going on. I have a full life, but get very anxious when I go out and I have never felt like this before.
Thank you in advance to anyone who has taken the time to read this. All reply's welcome and needed.
God Bless and God speed to your recovery,
Gypsy-Melissa
My sponsor used to tell me to "Act as if".
Act as if you're happy.
Act as if you're not depressed.
Act as if you have energy.
Act as if you want to go out ad do things with other people.
Act as if everything is ok and eventually it will be if you want it badly enough.
Maybe do some charity work?? I know when I was just getting clean I would help in AA and it helped me calue my life more seeing others struggling so. I don't necessarily think you're an "addict" per se but maybe you just need to get out of yourself for a little while.
You're doing great.. keep it up!!
Act as if you're happy.
Act as if you're not depressed.
Act as if you have energy.
Act as if you want to go out ad do things with other people.
Act as if everything is ok and eventually it will be if you want it badly enough.
Maybe do some charity work?? I know when I was just getting clean I would help in AA and it helped me calue my life more seeing others struggling so. I don't necessarily think you're an "addict" per se but maybe you just need to get out of yourself for a little while.
You're doing great.. keep it up!!
so so glad you decided to post..I am so sorry you are feeling this way..And also sounds like you had some serious pain issues..i think is is severe depression..Do you take an anti-depressent???
My ex husband was addicted to coke..We would go out all the time..Even though at times i never knew he did it, because he hid it..i knew inside but never said..Then he told me about it ., and got clean---but he was on it for like 15 yrs, from highschool through the whole time we were married...After he was clean he never wanted to leave the house ,only to go to work and back...Then he finally went see someone and was put on anit-depressents and even though we are divorced , he doesn't stay home like that anymore..He even talks more and goes out too..
and no i don't thnk you are addicted...That is my opinion
gob bless
My ex husband was addicted to coke..We would go out all the time..Even though at times i never knew he did it, because he hid it..i knew inside but never said..Then he told me about it ., and got clean---but he was on it for like 15 yrs, from highschool through the whole time we were married...After he was clean he never wanted to leave the house ,only to go to work and back...Then he finally went see someone and was put on anit-depressents and even though we are divorced , he doesn't stay home like that anymore..He even talks more and goes out too..
and no i don't thnk you are addicted...That is my opinion
gob bless
Fishmeal, I remember you too. I hope all is going well in you fight. I have been on Lorexapro for about 3 wks. I still see no changes in the way I feel. Is there something better?? that works faster?? or is this my problem and I just need to wait it out.
marcatj, As I stated in my post today is 90days. Any advice I'll take it. I wish you all the luck in finding recovery.
Thanks for your responses,
Melissa
marcatj, As I stated in my post today is 90days. Any advice I'll take it. I wish you all the luck in finding recovery.
Thanks for your responses,
Melissa
gosh, sorry about that.. 90 days is fantastic.
you know, i've known my therapist a long time - she's even seen me thru a divorce. never once did she say "you need anti-depressants." this time she said it in the first 10 minutes... and the truth is, i AM depressed. i'm pretty certain that's why i went from "use" for pain to "abuse."
i don't know alot about antidepressants, but i know alot of people have had to try a few before they found the right balance. i just went on Welbutrin and so far, so good. that said, i am on day 4 of bein' off the stuff, so i have to wait a bit and see what's really goin' on.
i do know alot of people who this particular one works well for tho. might be worth talking to your doc about?
you know, i've known my therapist a long time - she's even seen me thru a divorce. never once did she say "you need anti-depressants." this time she said it in the first 10 minutes... and the truth is, i AM depressed. i'm pretty certain that's why i went from "use" for pain to "abuse."
i don't know alot about antidepressants, but i know alot of people have had to try a few before they found the right balance. i just went on Welbutrin and so far, so good. that said, i am on day 4 of bein' off the stuff, so i have to wait a bit and see what's really goin' on.
i do know alot of people who this particular one works well for tho. might be worth talking to your doc about?
yes, i was feeling the same - for months. i just stopped living life except for the occasional outing. all i wanted to do is be at home. i simply stopped living.
so yes, i understand that more than you know. that's why i'm going off of them. i am tired of watching my life go by.... before i got hooked on the hydro's, i was one of the most social and productive people you've ever met.
so yes, again, i understand completely. i can't wait to get my "joi de vie" back (i'm sure i slaughtered the spelling...)
in fact, i went back to see my therapist who i haven't seen in a long time last week. i told her about the stuff. and about feeling stuck. and she said "of course you're stuck. all addicts/people who abuse drugs are stuck."
it made some sense of the madness.....
it's the drugs... :-/
so yes, i understand that more than you know. that's why i'm going off of them. i am tired of watching my life go by.... before i got hooked on the hydro's, i was one of the most social and productive people you've ever met.
so yes, again, i understand completely. i can't wait to get my "joi de vie" back (i'm sure i slaughtered the spelling...)
in fact, i went back to see my therapist who i haven't seen in a long time last week. i told her about the stuff. and about feeling stuck. and she said "of course you're stuck. all addicts/people who abuse drugs are stuck."
it made some sense of the madness.....
it's the drugs... :-/
i agree, i dont think your an addict i think you may need an anti-depressant..
id ask your dr about it..try it..see if ti works and keep posting ok.
alot of addicted while trying to transform back into life get depressed but then some ppl just get depressed for other reasons..either way i think ya should try something. whats it gonna hurt? good luck and i hope somehow you find your life again and live it to the fullest..=) best wishes
id ask your dr about it..try it..see if ti works and keep posting ok.
alot of addicted while trying to transform back into life get depressed but then some ppl just get depressed for other reasons..either way i think ya should try something. whats it gonna hurt? good luck and i hope somehow you find your life again and live it to the fullest..=) best wishes
what mg are you taking of lexapro?? i take 20 mgs..it works great for me, but not for everyone....
I don't know if this is ANY help but I said this once before. Fake it til you make it! Sometimes I really didn't feel like doing anything but staying home. The more I would just force myself to go out, the better I would feel. At first it was difficult but it seemed better each time. I know our brains have forgotten what they are supposed to do since it hastn' had to make endorphins so the depression just seems like a part of recovery until it relearns what it's supposed to do without the opiates! JMO but I wish you well...you are 90 days so keep it going. I relapsed and it is a bad place to be again! Are you actively doing anything to stay in recovery? I was doing it half-assed and I thought i was in good shape...Guess I just fooled myself! Be proactive!!!!!!!!
Hi Melissa, I think I remember you from before when I was hovering. I seriously don't think you are and addict but just one who became physically dependant... I also think you are going through a drepression and should go get some clinical help with this.... everyday there are new breakthroughs in medications and therapies... give it a shot?
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