Aa
Emily, and all...Think this is it... ) :
Just read what you wrote, and want to say thanks for the encouragement, i sure could use it right now...
My God i was just about to pick up the phone and try to find some about 2 min. ago.... I want to say heck with it so bad.
I do not know who i am right now and do not know how to act normally.
I miss the feeling i had with them, I know this is normal, but i can't take it anymore.
I keep telling myself over and over again, "Life is too short and if by taking a lil' pill can make me feel better then so be it" I know this is wrong and i have come so far now but can't help having these thought, ya know?
No one likes being around me right now i am no fun anymore, all i am is depressing to everyone, and myself.
God, I hate who i have become, what these pills have done to me, and my mind. Not to mention my family and all they have to go through.
I DO NOT know how to fight this, I am NOT a strong person, I want to give in and just feel happy again. I keep telling myself NOOO i have made it 10 days, i keep saying this over and over again in my head, but don't think i am getting through to myself.
Then i ask myself, "Do I or can I put my family through all this sh** again, Let alone myself...OMG i feel worthless and like a failure again.
I have not taken anything like i said, except for advil this whole entire time..I don't want to start again either, but scared I am gonna give in to the temptation...
Yep did it just now again, picked up the phone and started dialing, made myself hang up, but what if i can't make myself hang up the next time?
Oh well, guess we will just have to see what happens is all. If i do it then i have no one to blame but myself... And if i come back here and tell ya all that i gave in, I sure do hope you all give me he** cause i will deserve it...Won't deserve any of your support again i do know that, cause you all have helped me this far...I would feel like a complete failure and don't even know if i could come back here again...
Ok, shutting up now!!! ) :
Enough bout me...
Talk 2 ya later, if anyone wants too still...
My God i was just about to pick up the phone and try to find some about 2 min. ago.... I want to say heck with it so bad.
I do not know who i am right now and do not know how to act normally.
I miss the feeling i had with them, I know this is normal, but i can't take it anymore.
I keep telling myself over and over again, "Life is too short and if by taking a lil' pill can make me feel better then so be it" I know this is wrong and i have come so far now but can't help having these thought, ya know?
No one likes being around me right now i am no fun anymore, all i am is depressing to everyone, and myself.
God, I hate who i have become, what these pills have done to me, and my mind. Not to mention my family and all they have to go through.
I DO NOT know how to fight this, I am NOT a strong person, I want to give in and just feel happy again. I keep telling myself NOOO i have made it 10 days, i keep saying this over and over again in my head, but don't think i am getting through to myself.
Then i ask myself, "Do I or can I put my family through all this sh** again, Let alone myself...OMG i feel worthless and like a failure again.
I have not taken anything like i said, except for advil this whole entire time..I don't want to start again either, but scared I am gonna give in to the temptation...
Yep did it just now again, picked up the phone and started dialing, made myself hang up, but what if i can't make myself hang up the next time?
Oh well, guess we will just have to see what happens is all. If i do it then i have no one to blame but myself... And if i come back here and tell ya all that i gave in, I sure do hope you all give me he** cause i will deserve it...Won't deserve any of your support again i do know that, cause you all have helped me this far...I would feel like a complete failure and don't even know if i could come back here again...
Ok, shutting up now!!! ) :
Enough bout me...
Talk 2 ya later, if anyone wants too still...
Are you taking anything to relieve the cravings??? Suboxone for me did it in a second. Do you have colonidine??
If i give in, and start taking again, can you tell me that when the time comes for me to try it again will i have all the same withdrawals i already had? Or if i just give in a only make myself take 2 a day, one in the morning and one before bedtime, will that hurt me cause of how far i have already came?
Don't do anything - do not pick up the phone! Listen to me!
I am going to post this and then I am going to write you a longer letter...just give me a few minutes - please.
Shelby
I am going to post this and then I am going to write you a longer letter...just give me a few minutes - please.
Shelby
You are making deals with yourself. You are trying to justify taking just "2" a day. I did the same thing before. I started back with just one a day and I ended up right back where I was. Do you really want to go through this again??? You are almost there!! You are almost free of the burden. I am begging you not to call - just for today. We can take tomorrow as it comes. Baby steps here. I KNOW you are miserable. How many times do you want to go through this?? I am on day 14 and feeling good! Day 9 was very hard for me but I got through it and I know you can too! Think about the withdrawals - do you want to feel like you have been run over by a truck again? Do you ever want to start at day one again? That is hell on earth. Please stay and fight with me. YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH - YOU MUST DO THIS FOR YOURSELF AND FAMILY!
You are loved and cared for here. Just remember that.
Shelby
You are loved and cared for here. Just remember that.
Shelby
You've been here all day.Youare really preoccupied. I feel so bad for you hopless. Cause i've been where you are at . Its an ugly feeling and you just
want to fash your face and have it all over with. Kinda like a bad trip. If you pull
yourself thru this I will so admire you. If you don't you'll start again. You've gotten over the worst they say but these messed up thoughts are taking over. I'mm using suboxone so I didn't go thru that. I feel so bad for you. Go pat some cool water on your face. (don't worry about make up). do you have a girlfriend you can call? I'd talk to you on the phone. If you wanted. Just wanted to put myself out there for you. I would crack you up and we'd have l lovely conversation.
want to fash your face and have it all over with. Kinda like a bad trip. If you pull
yourself thru this I will so admire you. If you don't you'll start again. You've gotten over the worst they say but these messed up thoughts are taking over. I'mm using suboxone so I didn't go thru that. I feel so bad for you. Go pat some cool water on your face. (don't worry about make up). do you have a girlfriend you can call? I'd talk to you on the phone. If you wanted. Just wanted to put myself out there for you. I would crack you up and we'd have l lovely conversation.
You've been here all day.Youare really preoccupied. I feel so bad for you hopless. Cause i've been where you are at . Its an ugly feeling and you just
want to fash your face and have it all over with. Kinda like a bad trip. If you pull
yourself thru this I will so admire you. If you don't you'll start again. You've gotten over the worst they say but these messed up thoughts are taking over. I'mm using suboxone so I didn't go thru that. I feel so bad for you. Go pat some cool water on your face. (don't worry about make up). do you have a girlfriend you can call? I'd talk to you on the phone. If you wanted. Just wanted to put myself out there for you. I would crack you up and we'd have l lovely conversation.
want to fash your face and have it all over with. Kinda like a bad trip. If you pull
yourself thru this I will so admire you. If you don't you'll start again. You've gotten over the worst they say but these messed up thoughts are taking over. I'mm using suboxone so I didn't go thru that. I feel so bad for you. Go pat some cool water on your face. (don't worry about make up). do you have a girlfriend you can call? I'd talk to you on the phone. If you wanted. Just wanted to put myself out there for you. I would crack you up and we'd have l lovely conversation.
Remember the verse you posted earlier...well I for one tthought it was excellent and meant a lot to me! You are stronger than you think, believe in yourself. Didn't you just say how proud of yourself you were? You can't believe you made it through ten days, well BELIEVE IT! YOU DID! Hang on because I went back that road and the guilt and self disappointment are as bad as knowing we have to go through w/d again! It's not worth it!!!!!!!!!! Please prove yourself wrong and choose the right path...you are not weak. We are on a mental rollercoaster. The cravings will blow over...don't give in to it! You are not yourself on drugs. If you thought you were so great on drugs then why did they make you so miserable....because it is not reality! IT is a drug induced haze of pseudohappiness! And it is so very temporary!!!!
Sorry so long winded, I just don't want you to devalue the clean time you have gained!!!
Peace, Marcie:)
Sorry so long winded, I just don't want you to devalue the clean time you have gained!!!
Peace, Marcie:)
Hopeless, my email address is ***@****
Email me so we can talk if you'd like. Do not give in...you have people here to talk to, and I will do anything to help you. You have made it ten days...you say you are not strong, but the thing is...You ARE strong. You've made it TEN DAYS!!!! That is ten days more than many people make it, and they can all make it ten days, too...the mental cravings are horrible, but we are here to help you through those. You have already made it through the hardest ten days of your life, and I'll be honest...after being clean for six months, I STILL have cravings all the time. I just REFUSE to give in.
You're life, sooner or later, will DEPEND on you quitting. You've already quit, and I will do my best to help you stay that way!!! I know you can do this. Mind over matter...remember that. You need to give yourself WAY more credit than this. You have made it TEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a HUGE accomplishment!
I have found that these pills eventually turn us into the exact "people", or give us the exact "personalities", that we were running away from and self-medicating for!
Email me so we can talk if you'd like. Do not give in...you have people here to talk to, and I will do anything to help you. You have made it ten days...you say you are not strong, but the thing is...You ARE strong. You've made it TEN DAYS!!!! That is ten days more than many people make it, and they can all make it ten days, too...the mental cravings are horrible, but we are here to help you through those. You have already made it through the hardest ten days of your life, and I'll be honest...after being clean for six months, I STILL have cravings all the time. I just REFUSE to give in.
You're life, sooner or later, will DEPEND on you quitting. You've already quit, and I will do my best to help you stay that way!!! I know you can do this. Mind over matter...remember that. You need to give yourself WAY more credit than this. You have made it TEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is a HUGE accomplishment!
I have found that these pills eventually turn us into the exact "people", or give us the exact "personalities", that we were running away from and self-medicating for!
This is just so bad right now, I just feel like nothing inside...I don't know who i am yet, it has been over 4 years since i was the old me. I don't remember what that person was like anymore, what if no one likes her?
OMG, I swear to you, I don't want to give in, cause i DO NOT want to go through the pain like i had ever ever again. I know i have come so far 10 days is a big deal, i understand this...But like i said, I don't know who i am right now? I am scared...I am scared of finding out who the real me was again.
Do I like who i am right now??? Heck No...
Did i like who i was when i could take a pill? Heck ya...
Am I gonna like who I am if i can ever get over this? I am not sure...
See this is what scares me, Oh this is so confusing, my head is racing so fast, the thought of pills keeps coming to me and i try to think about something else but it just won't let me.
I am so sorry, I feel like nothing but a pain in the a**
I will say this, Shelby...If at all this evening i hesitate to pick up that phone again,i will turn here first. Then maybe, someone can talk me out of it again... If they want too.
Thanks for listening and being my shoulder to lean on....
Means the world to me, Hopeless
OMG, I swear to you, I don't want to give in, cause i DO NOT want to go through the pain like i had ever ever again. I know i have come so far 10 days is a big deal, i understand this...But like i said, I don't know who i am right now? I am scared...I am scared of finding out who the real me was again.
Do I like who i am right now??? Heck No...
Did i like who i was when i could take a pill? Heck ya...
Am I gonna like who I am if i can ever get over this? I am not sure...
See this is what scares me, Oh this is so confusing, my head is racing so fast, the thought of pills keeps coming to me and i try to think about something else but it just won't let me.
I am so sorry, I feel like nothing but a pain in the a**
I will say this, Shelby...If at all this evening i hesitate to pick up that phone again,i will turn here first. Then maybe, someone can talk me out of it again... If they want too.
Thanks for listening and being my shoulder to lean on....
Means the world to me, Hopeless
Sweetie I understand. That feeling you describe does NOT last! Please give it a few days if that. Great idea...do not do anything rash - come here first! I wish I could be there with you. I would hold your hand through this. You are going to love the person you become. I am already starting to like myself more everyday. It is a great feeling not to have to lie to people anymore. Just by your posts alone I can tell you are a caring, giving human being. Otherwise you would not be struggling with this. You are not a pain in the ass by the way - you are just going through something that is difficult but you can overcome this. I know you can. Your mind is just trying right now to adjust to being sober. It will figure itself out...just needs a little more time. The body is an amazing thing. All this abuse we do to ourselves and it comes back. When you make it through this you will be stronger.
I am here for you!
Shelby
I am here for you!
Shelby
You are not a pain in the ass. I was YOU six months ago. I have been there, been through everything you are describing, and after a ten year addiction, I had NO CLUE who I was, not to mention I am only 26 and didn't know who I was regardless. But, I love the person that I am today! You will love yoursef so much more, and be so proud of yourself, when you accomplish staying clean! I am going to put son to bed soon, and be back on in about an hour to chat! Love, Emilyanne
Yes and you are right, I have been here all day... I can't get myself to leave you guys. I try really i do, but feel empty when i do Weird, huh?
Maybe i need to get out more than what i have been... I dunno...
Thank you so much for what you said to me in my post.
I feel like a hypocrit... I try to give others some words of wisdom and encouragement, as they do me.... but now look at me, might fail at my own advice...
I am hoping that this is just a bad day for me... Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter one... God do i hope...
Hopeless
Maybe i need to get out more than what i have been... I dunno...
Thank you so much for what you said to me in my post.
I feel like a hypocrit... I try to give others some words of wisdom and encouragement, as they do me.... but now look at me, might fail at my own advice...
I am hoping that this is just a bad day for me... Hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter one... God do i hope...
Hopeless
I am sure i will be on here for quite awhile tonight...
Just really needing support...
Thanks to you also for supporting me and helping... Means alot, it really does.
Just really needing support...
Thanks to you also for supporting me and helping... Means alot, it really does.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Just wanted to let you know I'm feeling you hon. I'm hearing a cry for help. Perhaps talking with the peeps here today is helping, and you just don't know it. The days almost done and you will soon have another day under your belt. Where are you from anyways, if you don't mind my asking?
You are right, God i count the minutes just to get the days over with...
Then that is what i say every night before i go to bed, "Another day gone"
I am from Pennsylvania..... How about you?
Then that is what i say every night before i go to bed, "Another day gone"
I am from Pennsylvania..... How about you?
Ok, now I'm really going to put little guy to bed, lol, but wanted to respond quickly...You DO need to get out of house, even if you have to FORCE yourself to do it. If there is any advice I can give you, it's to get yourself out to the grocery store or into a public place even for ten minutes!! I swear by it. If it exhausts you, even better!!
You will prob feel better tomorrow, or the next day. You are at day ten, a super super super hard day emotionally! The next week or so will prob be full of ups and downs mood wise, but you will start to notice your spirits lifting little by little, and I honetly can't describe to you how good you'll feel a month from now. It's like nothing you could even imagine. You will just feel so GOOD! Maybe you have underlying depression or anxiety, that can be treated!! But you won't know till you give it more time!!
I'll check on you in about an hour!!
You will prob feel better tomorrow, or the next day. You are at day ten, a super super super hard day emotionally! The next week or so will prob be full of ups and downs mood wise, but you will start to notice your spirits lifting little by little, and I honetly can't describe to you how good you'll feel a month from now. It's like nothing you could even imagine. You will just feel so GOOD! Maybe you have underlying depression or anxiety, that can be treated!! But you won't know till you give it more time!!
I'll check on you in about an hour!!
What you posted to me gave me strength. You have come this far on your own. Don't let the demon win. You are strong, keep telling yourself, I AM STRONG!!! I CAN DO THIS!!!!! My prayers are with you.
Nannyj507
Nannyj507
Ok tomorrow i am going out, don't know where or what i am going to do, but definately going to go somewhere. I am willing to try anything that can just make the itty bitty bit of difference in how i am feeling today.
Again thank you.... Hopeless
Again thank you.... Hopeless
thats where my husband is from.Roaring Spring. Ever here of it? Its near
Altoona. Sounds like butt f--- nowhere. lololol. I'm in minneapolis mn. Its 90 hot and so humid. I can't go outside cause the hudmity is kicking my athmas
ass. It would be a perfect day to go out to the pool. At our appartments we have a nice pool. One of the perks. I love to swim. Its my best (only) excerise
I do. To bad I only exercise seasonaly. lol. not funny my jeans are to tight.
Altoona. Sounds like butt f--- nowhere. lololol. I'm in minneapolis mn. Its 90 hot and so humid. I can't go outside cause the hudmity is kicking my athmas
ass. It would be a perfect day to go out to the pool. At our appartments we have a nice pool. One of the perks. I love to swim. Its my best (only) excerise
I do. To bad I only exercise seasonaly. lol. not funny my jeans are to tight.
My God, so amazing to know how many people really care, people that don't know me personally, just know me from this site...This is a gift itself...
(sent 2 me) Thank you all so very very much from the bottom of my heart...
Hugz 2 all of you, who are so supportive in my time of need...
Hopeless
(sent 2 me) Thank you all so very very much from the bottom of my heart...
Hugz 2 all of you, who are so supportive in my time of need...
Hopeless
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