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195648 tn?1231812118

A Few Things

I am a FIRM believer in tough love.  I practice, I have gotten it and I certainly have given it.  
I am sober 5 years from alcohol and cocaine and am a very active member in AA.  I work the steops, I have found God, I do service, I help newcomers, I have a sponsor, and I have had many sponsees.  There have been countless times I have heard things I didn't care to hear from my sponsor and there have been countless times as a sponsor that I have said things my sponsees didn't want to hear from me.  It's the nature of the best, however, my garden variety "get and stay sober" speech is not always the right thing to say in each and every situation and I believe wholeheartedly that last night was one of those sutuations where it was not appropriate.  ALso, medically speaking the initial advice she was given was just plain wrong.  
I do not want to rehash everything but I wanted to set the record straight.
Marcatj, I have no inclination to start an argument with you over what was said.  That was not my intention and I am sorry if that is what happened.  I did go back and read where you posted that you would help but that came after your introductory sentence of "this isn't just you, it's a ******* baby" or somethng to that effect.  I found that to be incredibly harsh and inappropriate for someone who clearly knew they weren't in a good situation and was looking for a way out.
My point is, and I have one, that addicts judging addicts is like Hitler judging Mussolini... it's ridiculous.  
Beach, your tough love is wonderful and most times it's exactly what someone needs to hear but this girl didn't need to hear how horrible she was, she needed a little help from fellow addicts and if we cannot give that then we shouldn't be here.
Sometimes we have to put ourselves in someone else' position and take it from there.  That's what makes human beings so wonderful... empathy.  I didn't see much of that last night.  I am not expecting anyone to baby someone who is using and to tell them it's ok all the time while taking them by the hand but I do expect some level of courtesy and respect.  
I was disappointed in us last night and I pray this girl didn't stop looking for helo because of the responses she got here.
Anyway,  I will pray for her as I hope we all do and I will leave it at that.  I'm not looking to be right, I'm just looking for peace.
Night everyone!!  
12 Responses
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Avatar universal
Gosh...........You lol said what I wanted to and soooo much better
Though I really dont think there is anything wrong with tapering yet it takes a certain kind of person to do that...ITS NOT RIGHT FOR EVERYONE..OR EVEN HALF THE OF THE PEOPLE HERE....Yet it works for some..
Sorry wasnt yelling at you just lol really trying to get my point across...which I know you understand.......but its for others andmyself I guess...some clarity onmy part..

Mom, I so honour what you say and the things you bring to me in my life...I am very blessed to have you around! Though, I know you may not agree with everythign in my life..yet you take me for who I am..and what I do..and know where its coming from..You come from a loving place..in other words..empathy

I agree with everything you said.......and I am so Thankful your in my life....

And gosh lol I need to take some lessons from you in Writing lol or talk to you first...you put things in better wording them me and it really helps me learn..

Happy Thougths adn prayers
Love
C
Helpful - 0
195648 tn?1231812118
Oh just laugh at snoopie and pray for him and be glad you are not that guy......  try and stay grateful.  Make a daily list, maybe even more than one time a day, of the things in your life you are grateful for and take it out whenever you feel like ****.  I used to write things down about the sky and how it looks ona certain day and the colors I noticed etc.  It helps sometimes.
Everyone has down days but everyone has wonderful days and we need to get a little bit of those in us when we're feeling low....
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195648 tn?1231812118
Thanks but I come here to learn just as much as I come here to help.
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Avatar universal
You are compassionate and I learn a lot from your posts.  You are the reason I am looking into N/A. I want to thank you and hope I meet people such as you.

Tim
Helpful - 0
195648 tn?1231812118
:)
If NA doesn't work for you try AA and remember it's preinciples before personalities.  Take what you want and leave the rest. Good luck with it and God Bless.
It works if you work it so work it you're worth it.
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Avatar universal
I am having a hard time and think I really need that kind of support. I am really craving for the hydro now. Right now I am being harrassed by snoopy13 on one of my posts. I just have to realize that some people are not here to help like you are. Thanks again.

Tim
Helpful - 0
195648 tn?1231812118
Hi.  I just read your post to me.  Your story about the pregnant women is horrfying.  
Addcition is horrible as it gets. I have been many places too that I don't care to talk about but I do not shut the door on it because it is part of who I am and a huge part of my recovery.
Anyway, what you said in sum and substance was right on.  I just didn't think it was the right itme for it.
I also think the same way you do in a lot of respects especially tapering etc.. but that's neither here nor there.
Not that it matters much I just wanted to say that I get it and that your philosohoy is not lost on me.      
Helpful - 0
195648 tn?1231812118
One more thing Tim, always remember, HURT peole HURT..... if you feel anything for this person, feel sympathy.....
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You are right again and Snoopy13 is a woman.

God Bless,
Tim
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177036 tn?1192286635
well said,, nite nite..
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Avatar universal
Catch you in the morning!!

Tim
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well written Mom and I agree with you. She didn't need a lecture and it is a shame that she left. I hope she comes back and gets some advice from someone like you.

Tim
Helpful - 0
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